Violence In Retaliation

Two fellow human beings shot and killed by those
sworn to protect and serve.
Miles away in a historic city
In the city where we lost a president, tears flow again in shock
Eleven  brothers in blue pay for their rogue brothers
Eye for and Eye seems to be the motive, motive without sane reason
What has become of the country I love so much
What kind of world are we leaving for our children ?
This is not the world we need to live in
we are so much better than that
or at least I pray we are
I pray we can turn this around we must change
We must work together to find a solution
We are all brothers and sisters, black, brown, white or yellow
we are so much better when we work together when we love one  another when we
treat each other with kindness, accept our differences.
Please, God, will you  help us find a solution and be the way we used to be?



Take Me As I Am

Take me as I am Lord
I come to you no other way
Soiled, sinful, relapsing every day
It is just me and how you took me in
Wanting only in this life to win
I once was happy not a care
Looking for someone my life to share
Then I fell as humans do
Arriving at my lowest state
Destitute, in despair, distraught
Then I heard how my sins you bought
The Cross on Calvary came into view
Now reborn all because of you.


The chrysalis of the butterfly opens slowly in time
Dried by the warmth of sun …until
Gossamer wings of light flutter on…until
On wings of the butterfly my dreams take flight
Wings flutter toward the fall of night|
Where nightmares and terrors unfold
Making one scream… blood run cold.
copyright 2013 LWC

family fighting


My Name is Len Williams-Carver not….

Candy crush, gem breaker, bubbles, words with friends, connect four, go fish, nor spades.

If you want to play games go to the nearest toy store they have  plenty to play with.

I would like to….

1.  apologize to Any and everyone that I have hurt or offended

2.  ask for forgiveness

3. I forgive you as well if you have done the same to me

I’m moving to a different place in my life TODAY, and I won’t ALLOW any more negative!


If you are my family, I will no longer fight to be a part of something I was born to have. I am not asking you for ANYTHING, not money, a place to stay, nothing!!! All I am asking is to be FAMILY!!! Just to be LOVED!!! Just to be INCLUDED!!! Just to be SUPPORTED and to SUPPORT you!! The phone, text, FB, and wheels go both ways. So let’s start TODAY communicating like FAMILY!! It takes TWO or more to Fight. So I will fight for it, to have it, to build it, to strengthen it to Love it if you will. And if not, I’m moving forward.

To my friends, today thanks to God for all of you and your support.

Now for ALL the MESSY ones. The ones that did me wrong, talked about me, told lies about me, used me, keeping the pot stirred up,  hated, hating, …… your time is up!!! No weapon you have formed has or did or will prosper!! I’m cutting off your water….get ready to dry out!!!!

Life is too short to play games all the time!!!

And I’m not good at playing them. So find someone else I’m not in a playing mood!!!! Not then not now not ever!!

Now continue on in the right direction. God bless.

Light At The End

I hesitate to write this as I am not sure if anyone cares and it truly shouldn’t matter but…
I tried on Dec. 8th to kill myself by taking an obscene amount of pain meds as you can see it did not work. I am so pissed off about that but I learned my lesson I think. My husband was aware enough to call the youngest daughter when he found me and she in turn called ambulance.

I will tell you that I refused to go to a “facility” for help as I know the horror of the  only place open here in the metro area and I wouldn’t put the most vicious dog there. So I am supposed to obtain help through a mental health person….perhaps I will I haven’t the courage just yet to bare my soul, failings, and feelings in that type of environment.

I don’t remember much at  the hospital except to say I experienced “the light” and felt at peace and yet agitation.I felt myself floating and a flat light (hard to explain) but for every section of any importance in my life was shown by the colors of blue, white, gray, pink and black. Blue and white were the most peaceful, pink for my daughters births, black when suffering loss and not necessarily just death. All underneath these colors was a brilliant white light when I finally began to think I realized I was again alive and only wanted that light back again along with the emotions it brought forth.

Am I any better or worse for the experience I don’t know I only know that I came to crying for my daughter and telling everyone she was murdered. Psychotic break was the diagnosis coming over all I have endured over the sixty plus years and the last five in particular. Do I need help yes am I strong enough I do not know?
This being the last day of 2015 and looking back at my hopes for 2015 this time last year I can’t help but think God is laughing and pointing a finger at me saying ” Well laid plans must go awry when I am not included”.

Does It Ever Stop?


Does it…ever? Is it because the holidays are approaching and Thanksgiving was the last holiday we had together? Probably but I feel shredded inside,  my  blood is slogging through my veins sustaining life that I don’t want. My eyes are continuously red and swollen. Pity party of one?  Yes God yes, I am wallowing in the self-pity of losing my child, and why not it isn’t like in the four years shes been gone I have had anyone to talk to about her. My “family” doesn’t understand the pain and my lashing out so they fight with me and disown me. If my husband could remember I am sure he would say the usual “it will be ok” Gah how I resent him for not going to her memorial service with me! I did everything packed, booked tickets , made the arrangements for his mother and other family members, what…

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