30 DAYS OF THANKFULNESS

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My 30 days of thankfulness so far…
1. Waking up each day
2. My wonderful husband, my hero, my teddy bear
3. The freedom to worship
4. My beautiful children
5. My handsome grandsons
6. My weight loss
7. I have enough to eat
8. I have heat, coolness, water
9. The roof over my head
10. Good friends of the internet
11. The Veterans that allow my freedoms
12. Days without pain and depression.
13. Music and the emotions it makes me feel
14.For eyes to see all the wonders of Gods creations
15. Grateful that I am handling my grief better this year than last
16. Thankful for the bed I couldn’t sleep in last night, just can’t sleep, so tired.
17. The gift of artistry, poets, authors, musicians, painters, sculptors… Gods hand shown through human hands
18. Waking in pain, for I can feel. Many due to injury or birth cannot. Grateful.
19. Today being National Toilet Day…I am grateful for modern conveniences.
20. Thankful for those that know me, and despite that love me anyway.
21. Grateful for a new day of living and loving
22.  Thankful for Gods paint brush coloring the world in such vivid colors.
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SHOOTING OF CHILDREN

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Last night  just a few miles from my home a ten year old little girl was shot and killed as she sat in her living room, it was a drive-by. A few nights before this one a six year old child after buying bubble gum walked  out of a convience store with her Daddy was shot and killed, a few days prior the school shootings in Washington. I don’t know how many more but I am sure many that we don’t hear about on our local news, I only know it wrenches my heart each time.
I don’t cope well with hearing or reading of these deaths, each time a father dies in an auto accident or a mother passes from breast cancer my heart hurts and I begin to cry. It is a loss of a loved one to someone somewhere. There are all types of memes and even books or counselors to help with grief and perhaps I am too sensitive to death of others because I have experienced so much of it, I only know my heart aches and I want so badly to reach out with a hug and a helping hand yet I don’t as I can barely hold onto my sanity at such times.
I find it quite difficult to have the right words to say to those that have lost a child or loved one be it brother, sister etc. What others struggle to say at such times, sounds so trite to my ears although I know all are meant from the deep recesses of ones heart and they want to help the ones left; I just cannot speak words of comfort as my tears flow from my cheeks with my pain of loss. It has been four years this February since I lost my daughter, you would think by now I would be able to support some semblance of decorum but I cannot, there must be something wrong with me that I am no longer able to act “normally” for others going through their loss.

Positive Note

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Woke to the sound of a small plane overhead
looking out the window, see a banner from the tail
unable to read it’s message, but thought what
a beautiful way to start the day if that banner read
God loves you or Today is the first day of the rest
of your life or something on a positive note that would
start everyones day on a cheery note…..but…sigh
life is what it is we all wake with thoughts swirling
through our heads, bills to pay, jobs to go to, children to feed,
laundry to do, parents to care for. Some will think of their
teminal illness or a loved one that is dying. Some will wake
alone having lost a spouse of face the loss of a child,
There are a million thoughts and deeds to get through
each day. Isn’t it amazing that we have the ability to face
this day with strength and resilance  should we choose to ?
I am choosing to be happy today that I am alive, that I
have pain that says “you are alive”  I hope you do to.

OPENING A SOUL

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OPENING A SOUL
With a gnarled, shaking and wrinkled hand
the old man swiped drool from corners of his mouth
on to faded, thread bare khaki pants
raising the mouth harp to his now dry lips
begins to gently blow into the piece
deep bluesy notes echo through alleys
a newly darkened cloud filled sky
Tears begin to roll down his leathery cheeks
as he pushes forward the rusting tin can
with his toeless work boot hoping
his music will open a soul,

Copyright Len Williams Carver 2014
myownheart.me

A NEW DAY

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Hearing first the thrumming on the roof
He knew it would rain most of the day
thin strings of water made perchance by 
Spirits as they lowered the bucket 
to wash earth clean of  its multiple sins
Dawn blushes rising as awakened by Sun
Day break whispers in gentle voice
Awake, awake a new day is born
He rolled over to the side of his bed groaning
Reaching for his early morning
leftover wine.

45 years ago

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Originally posted on A MOTHERS' SORROW:

45 years ago tomorrow I gave birth to a 6 pound 4 ounce 21 and a half inches long baby girl. God loaned her to me for 41 years then called her back home. The depth of joy felt at her birth has turned to the depths of sorrow and grief for a life taken to early by anothers hand. Happy Birthday to my beautiful daughter. Klysta LaNell Breshears Aug. 29, 1969~ Feb. 19, 2011.
My beautiful daughter, so blessed with the birth of you…
Such perfect features with coal-black fuzz on your head
I was enraptured, the wonderment of you.
You looked up at me as if you knew,
I would love and protect you till the end of my life.
I watched you through the years,
as you blossomed and grew
Into a beautiful strong young woman, yet I knew
Someday you would leave me as children…

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