My life has been in such a turmoil lately and I have told you all how severe the pain in my body is physically and how my heartbreak over my daughters death, her sister disowning family and the daughter that was tazed by a psychopath and my husbands Alzheimer’s. I appreciate all you being supportive and trying to help me.

I need to tell you all that  this past few weeks has been nearly unbearable. My physical pain has pushed me and pushed me into the depths of despair and depression. I haven’t been able to write a sensible sentence to any prompt, I quit reading my Bible and quit going to all the services at church. My faith was tested  strongly and I was so weak that it nearly got me all the way to hell.

You see for a while now I have contemplated suicide, and yesterday I went to morning church service, came home and with severe pain in my feet and legs I stood in the kitchen cooking a big dinner thinking my daughter, grandson and her fiancé were coming home to eat. Nope they went elsewhere . They said nothing about doing that and I chose to believe they would be here, anyway a few harsh words from both my daughter and myself and I had hurt feelings on top of everything else.  I went back to lay down for a bit as I laid there I figured out that I would not go to church I would just let everyone else go and I would be alone, just me and the dogs and that is when I would end it all. I lay there planning exactly how I could do it so that it would look on the surface like my heart failed. I knew if I did it I would probably go to Hell but I would be free of the pain, depression and self-pity that I can’t seem to overcome.
My hubs came in and said it is 4:00 time to get up I replied with I wasn’t sure I was going and we did not have to leave until 5:30 so let me rest a while longer then I would see. I don’t know what happened I only know that I heard this voice say to me as I lay there crying and feeling sorry for myself rubbing one leg and foot against the other to ease the pain, this soft voice said “I am here my child, just pray” I fought it but eventually began to say “Yea right god I am supposed to pray but you can’t do one thing for me, you won’t take away this pain inside of my heart or even my feet”. then I began to tell Him if He wanted me to go to church that He needed to give me  a few minutes of relief to be able to get up and get dressed. I heard nothing but when 5:00 came around I got up and readied myself for church. We are in revival now and I listened and praised and sang, we had visiting congregations and it was a good service but I just wasn’t really in to it, I was going through the motions thinking inside why did I even come here tonight. Then the evangelist began to speak on healing and made a call for those needing prayer and healing to come forth and reluctantly I went.
I am here to tell you I have no idea what happened except that the LORD HEALED MY FEET!!!
They just quit hurting and tingling I could put weight on the soles of my feet and felt no shards of glass digging in or thumbtacks poking me!!!!! I am still depressed but feel joy coming back each hour today,  so all I can say is PRAISE THE LORD!! THANK YOU LORD!!!  If He can heal my feet like that  I mean in a few seconds of prayer and the touch of the Evangelist and Preachers praying how much can He do with the rest of me and the rest of those that need Him???
I am so jubilant about being able to walk in a pair of shoes or across the floor without crying due to the pain I just can’t express it!
So there you have it my journey this last few weeks, I am not thinking of suicide or crying for myself either so it is all good!
I hope that you all will forgive me for not being here for you as much as I was before but I will get back into the swing of things again I promise. Have a beautiful day/evening/night know you are loved by me and God loves you too!

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