Last night  just a few miles from my home a ten year old little girl was shot and killed as she sat in her living room, it was a drive-by. A few nights before this one a six year old child after buying bubble gum walked  out of a convience store with her Daddy was shot and killed, a few days prior the school shootings in Washington. I don’t know how many more but I am sure many that we don’t hear about on our local news, I only know it wrenches my heart each time.
I don’t cope well with hearing or reading of these deaths, each time a father dies in an auto accident or a mother passes from breast cancer my heart hurts and I begin to cry. It is a loss of a loved one to someone somewhere. There are all types of memes and even books or counselors to help with grief and perhaps I am too sensitive to death of others because I have experienced so much of it, I only know my heart aches and I want so badly to reach out with a hug and a helping hand yet I don’t as I can barely hold onto my sanity at such times.
I find it quite difficult to have the right words to say to those that have lost a child or loved one be it brother, sister etc. What others struggle to say at such times, sounds so trite to my ears although I know all are meant from the deep recesses of ones heart and they want to help the ones left; I just cannot speak words of comfort as my tears flow from my cheeks with my pain of loss. It has been four years this February since I lost my daughter, you would think by now I would be able to support some semblance of decorum but I cannot, there must be something wrong with me that I am no longer able to act “normally” for others going through their loss.

Positive Note

Leave a comment

Woke to the sound of a small plane overhead
looking out the window, see a banner from the tail
unable to read it’s message, but thought what
a beautiful way to start the day if that banner read
God loves you or Today is the first day of the rest
of your life or something on a positive note that would
start everyones day on a cheery note…..but…sigh
life is what it is we all wake with thoughts swirling
through our heads, bills to pay, jobs to go to, children to feed,
laundry to do, parents to care for. Some will think of their
teminal illness or a loved one that is dying. Some will wake
alone having lost a spouse of face the loss of a child,
There are a million thoughts and deeds to get through
each day. Isn’t it amazing that we have the ability to face
this day with strength and resilance  should we choose to ?
I am choosing to be happy today that I am alive, that I
have pain that says “you are alive”  I hope you do to.


Leave a comment

With a gnarled, shaking and wrinkled hand
the old man swiped drool from corners of his mouth
on to faded, thread bare khaki pants
raising the mouth harp to his now dry lips
begins to gently blow into the piece
deep bluesy notes echo through alleys
a newly darkened cloud filled sky
Tears begin to roll down his leathery cheeks
as he pushes forward the rusting tin can
with his toeless work boot hoping
his music will open a soul,

Copyright Len Williams Carver 2014


Leave a comment

Hearing first the thrumming on the roof
He knew it would rain most of the day
thin strings of water made perchance by 
Spirits as they lowered the bucket 
to wash earth clean of  its multiple sins
Dawn blushes rising as awakened by Sun
Day break whispers in gentle voice
Awake, awake a new day is born
He rolled over to the side of his bed groaning
Reaching for his early morning
leftover wine.

45 years ago

Leave a comment

Originally posted on A MOTHERS' SORROW:

45 years ago tomorrow I gave birth to a 6 pound 4 ounce 21 and a half inches long baby girl. God loaned her to me for 41 years then called her back home. The depth of joy felt at her birth has turned to the depths of sorrow and grief for a life taken to early by anothers hand. Happy Birthday to my beautiful daughter. Klysta LaNell Breshears Aug. 29, 1969~ Feb. 19, 2011.
My beautiful daughter, so blessed with the birth of you…
Such perfect features with coal-black fuzz on your head
I was enraptured, the wonderment of you.
You looked up at me as if you knew,
I would love and protect you till the end of my life.
I watched you through the years,
as you blossomed and grew
Into a beautiful strong young woman, yet I knew
Someday you would leave me as children…

View original 63 more words


Leave a comment

I thank all that commented on my last post from face book. I know I should apologize for leaving so many of you hanging and I appreciate those that have put forth the effort to check on me now nad again. 
I have been suffering such a deep depression and have been blindly numbing my grief as well with a lot of reposting memes on face book, not paying much attention to anything remotely mind engaging. 
My mother was a maniac- depressive and I have fought it all my life not so much maniac as just depressed.

My health is what it is just a struggle each day in and out of hospital emergency rooms and observations and stays etc. My family dramas with daughters and grandsons has left me shaking my head with the thought in my head “what is this world coming to?” 
 My saintly big bear of a husband is detoriating physically and mentally seems more each day, new meds started so I hope and pray it staves off the perils of the big A. a while longer. He has been saying he wants to die and be with his mother and sister but doesn’t know how I will take care of myself with out him. Then he has days that he is up and clear thinking  and the cycle just goes on.

I have evaluated my writing, poetry (ugh) and my stories, tried to finish something but to no avail. So I have come to the conclusion that I will never write a great novel ( not that ,that is why I wrote) that has never been my goal, I just felt the need to write and express myself yet after a while felt I was torturing you my wonderful WP friends with my hyperbole of nonsense and decided to ease your pain and not inflict any further pain. So for awhile I have given up writing. Will I ever pick it up again  hmmm good question maybe, maybe not either way I am beginning to feel creative urges again and as soon as I get a biopsy result back  I will reevaluate my urge and see what comes up. 
In the meantime I wish to thank you all for checking on me and showing your love and support I appreciate each of you. Love you and God Bless.