POETRY I


CROSSROADS
Upon this gravel path
I am standing
at the crossroads
of this lifes precipice
Decisions precision
A must.. for death beckons
Standing at the crossroads
Upon this gravel path.

HEART
Heart Mind …. Twisted
Heart …ache…hurt…empty
Mind…. unbelieving
Heart…lost…cold…dropping
Mind ….confused
Heart….sick…broke….racing
Mind….thinking
Heart Mind…. Wrenching

DADDYS VOICE
The silent voice echoes in my heart
tablets and sheets of written conversation
I read again and again the faded worn scribbles
my mind reads the words, my heart knows the love
my tears flow as my first love lost his voice

SUMMER
Hot scorching sun takes breath away
Day Lilies thriving large orange bllooms
Green tomatoes big as fists weighing the vine
Ground cracking open to show internal dust
Poison Oak climbing trees like lil boys on adventure
Blistering sun parching earth waiting
Patiently for a cooling softening rain.

NIGHT
Night has fallen in it’s ebony splendor
Tiffany diamonds light the path to
heavens door
Lunar orb shines a golden glow
Giving earths oceans their flow.

 


~~~
my wish

To hold a dust mop in my hands
making hardwood floors shine
To kneel to clean the tub
sparkling and looking fine
To make a bed with fresh linens
Tossing into the air to hear that “POP”

To wash a sinkful of dishes
while dreaming dreams and making wishes
Now I wait for others to do what I miss
washing up, mopping, scrubbing and more
for their hearts and care I am grateful
to do it all for myself I wish just once more

 

Letting myself go free,

right or wrong  need to be me
going to wreck hearts
break them into tiny parts
Paying back the pain inflicted
So many treated me wicked
Letting myself go free
right or wrong need to be me.

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~~~~~
Pearls of Wisdom

by Dusti Jean  on Wednesday, January 26, 2011 at 4:50am

I traveled paths you’ve yet to walk. Learned lessons old an new. And now this wisdom of my life Im blessed to share with you. Let kindness spread like sunshine. Embrace those who are sad. Respect their dignity, give them joy. And leave them feeling glad. Forgive those who might hurt you. And though you have your pride, Listen closely to their viewpoint, try to see the other side. Walk softly when your angry. Try not to take offense, Invoke your sense of humor Laughters power is Immense! Express what you are feeling. Your beliefs you should uphold, Don’t shy away from what is right. Be courageous and be bold.
Keep hope right in your pocket, it will guide you day by day. Take it out when it is needed. When its near, you’ll find a way.
Remember friends and family of which you are a precious part. Love deeply an love truly. Give freely from your heart.
The world is far from perfect. There’s conflict and there’s strife, but you still can make a difference by how you live your life. And so I am blessed to know the wonders we will do. And I believe in you.


****
Raising her hips from the bed she gives a little twist
Gasping, heavy breathing emits from her dried lips,
Drawing her legs up for comfort she groans
Digging her elbows in she thrusts her breasts forward
Moaning and turning, feeling all deeply, deeply
Breath coming more rapidly, chest heaving
Ah at last there that is it… her relief
as she throws her legs

over the side,
Finally, these old bones let her get out of bed!

****
Music is always in the air
notes coming together
again and again
swirling endlessly
in a beautiful symphony
until reaching a crescendo peak
bringing rhythms of ethereal wind
floating on gossamer wings
through our universe
each note composed
to be infused within our hearts
a tune bringing laughter and love
Music floating blissfully for all
To reap softly, gently to soothe
The savage beast within our souls.


The Sight Of You
Been a long long time
since I’ve been around
I need you to let me go,
unleash my heart, my thoughts
my every waking moment.
each beat of blood in my veins
whispers your name.
the sight of you more than I can stand
Been a long long time
since I’ve been around
I need you to let me go,
leave my dreams, my nightmares too
each breath I take draws you
deep into my soul you dwell.
Been a long long time
since I’ve been around
I need you to let me go.

RANDOMS
#1. Making the most of this enjoyable connection
waited too long for this refreshing interaction
want to spend the rest of my days here
overcoming the emotion, the explosive passion
between our two sensous bodies.

#2. Desperation in glances
intensifying hungering need
exploding into electic voices
soaring from Alto to Soprano
Pulsing little elements…
of the little death.
HOSPITAL
A vast expanse of  an ecru colored world, floor tiles, walls, bedding
Bright light illuminating every corner, revealing every crack and crevice of age
Oh that it could reveal every  hidden germ or infection that I fear
Lying here on this hard bed that won’t be still, with its thin padding and ecru coverlet
waiting, anticipating, anxiety attack abounds with rapid breathing and higher pulse
Relief as drug administered through their hurtful needle in the tiny bursting, rolling veins
off to a world of deep unknown.
~~~~~
My tears like raindrops

Each drop brings the chill

Teardrops become rain

***

Mother Earth is wet from rain
Morning sun will warm
Plants grow forth with morning rain

***

TIN ROOF MUSIC
Rain batters on my old tin roof
Steady sound in precise rhythm
Like the ticking of old alarm clocks
it lulls my mind to ease and sleep
The constant rhythm of
Lightning strikes like cymbals
Crashing within the sky
Tis music to the ear
The repetition of the rain
like angels singing in the air
The soothing sound of rain on the old tin roof
washing away dirt, the grime of winter time
soothes the soul and calms the mind
as it works through the night
Upon the light of morn when
all is refreshed amid air  so clean
the earth soft and silent
I sit at my window pane
watching late rivulets stream
~~~~
SILVER BUCKETS
All the morning it is rain
Buckets of silver overflowing
Into cords of watery mist
quenching the thirst of emerald fields
Stirring  the flower petal dew
Enhancing their colors like jewels
From the sky and seas.
~~~~
blackened clouds
rain pouring
wind howling
lightning flashing and cracking
nature at her worst

oh no… not her worst
she has her plan
she’s just picking her path
when she becomes the swirling
twirling
devirish she wants to become
developing her wrath

spinning from the clouds
dirt water debris

shrieking as a train whistle
look at me look at me
watch what I can do

taking lives, homes and security
until my voracious appetite for
destruction.. devastation is complete
~~~~
Our hands are spotted and wrinkled
our hair has gone thin and gray

Yet I remember us, as yesterday.

We fell in love with such ease
Our hearts  so easy to please
Not so young in body and mind
But young at heart we did find
A love that quickly grew
one that  would last, we knew.

Now we sit together and with a glance
conversations will begin and end as if a dance.
And if we must speak out loud

I finish your sentence I am so proud

that we know each other so well.

Remembering our first electric glance,

and how we neither had a chance.

The flowers you gave me for no reason.

The little cards and notes I sent, just to
say thinking of you and I love you

All these memories are now our own.

We hold such beauty of a love so rare
I can think of no life I would rather share.
Remembrances of years long gone now

We both sigh, and wrinkle our brow.
*****

The day is warm and fair, there is a smell of clean fresh spring today in the air
The sun does not shine but gently winks in-between the frothy clouds
gently rolling as the breeze nudges.
Diego the little man in his canoe sits in the yard rowing and rowing
with each gentle whoosh of a wind, content to row and row going nowhere.
The day  too beautiful for inside so I walk the path
see new shoots of life in the daffodils, the buds on the lilac bush,
I wish life not to rush, but oh for the sweet fragrance of a lilac wafting
through the open  kitchen window.
To sit on the porch swing watching birds and butterflies take wing,
This old heart would certainly share should you care a glass of tea or cup of coffee
Together we could breathe the wonderful open air,  and thank our Lord for it.
~~~~~~~
A GARDEN
A garden  floral, sunshine so bright
This garden I grow from my heart
Colors painted like fine art
Visitors with clear gossamer wings
Blazing colors and many shiny things
Butterflies and humming birds
Gently rolling terraces, benches close
The winding paths of pebbled stone
Hear the bull frog’s deep  drone
Winds caress the roses as they pose
A petal to the ground, tosses
Blown away ne’r to be found
At night my garden illuminates with gems
Fireflies light their lanterns leading the way
through paths of the garden.
Quiet and still in the silence listening to hymns
Sung by the wind and whispers of the flowers
~~~~
In my room
hangs a picture in a 11 x 16 frame
Depicting a horse-drawn carriage on a snow-covered lane
In the East the rays of morning sun rising above the earth
A young woman on the bench seat, a carpet-bag next to her
Hair drawn up into a bonnet of gingham and lace
In the tones of ecru and beige there is a frown on her face
on her cold rosy colored cheek rolls glistening tears
I have stared at this picture many times over the years
wondering where she is going what made her cry
Is she heartbroken or angry, did someone die?
Why did the painter not paint hues of blue if she is so sad
I have researched many times  the painters name, none to be had
This picture haunts my mind, could this be me in my constant sorrow
Or is it imagination and trouble and grief I am trying to borrow?
The picture in this old frame came to me as an unknown
In an  auction  box buried in the bottom among doilies…I set it free
I cleaned the glass and brushed the delicate frame of filigree
yet still I wonder why did it come to me?
****
RIPPLING STREAM
Rippling stream, so long and winding how far do you flow?
Meadow grasses kiss your banks  wanting to know
Do you dream in your quiet serene sleep of those
come to drink?
Tell me your dream, as you sleep so quietly and serene.
Dawn brings a mist to cover~ till sun rays warm
Leaves of the water willow awaken at dawn,
flowers open colors so brilliant
red, yellow, pinks and blues to drink of your flow

RIPPLING STREAM
Do you dream in your quiet serene sleep
Of those that walk your muddy banks
to kneel and drink of your crystal blue waters?
Perhaps  cast a line into the ripples for fish
to quench the hunger or to
catch the ‘big one’ you hide deep  their wish

Tell me rippling stream for your way is long
Are your dreams of rushing to the oceans?
Where the waves crash in thunderous joy
At your arrival?
Tell me oh stream of  your quiet serene sleep.

copyright 2013 LWC

*****
Laughter like lemonade sour or sweet
Quenching a thirst, a need with citric nectar
Hitting the belly with a great release
~~~~
The sound of raindrops on the rooftop

The wind howls with the thunder

On this gray and wet January day of sop

A cuddle up day for reading, sleeping and wonder

No walking the dogs along the path together

Need to use this day as writing weather

To strike a key on the board

A rhyme or two for my own pleasure
01-29-13

*****
Laughter like lemonade sour or sweet
Quenching a thirst, a need with citric nectar
Hitting the belly with a great release
~~~~
The sound of raindrops on the rooftop

The wind howls with the thunder

On this gray and wet January day of sop

A cuddle up day for reading, sleeping and wonder

No walking the dogs along the path together

Need to use this day as writing weather

To strike a key on the board

A rhyme or two for my own pleasure
01-29-13
****
Sun rising above the earth
Tis morn giving birth,
lighting the way
a breath-taking moment,
soon memory.
~~~~
the crescent moon
the frozen ground
can’t sleep movin’ round
****
Continuous chain of willow tree
draped branches in leaves of sadness
limbs intertwined, chains of bondage
FORTY FOUR
We loved so freely starting out
Gathered family and friends about
Taking vows to love one another
to have and to hold no other

Life was rosy, all peaches and cream
Everyone thought we were such a team
Then you came home late one night
told me I was all wrong and you were right

Bruises began to show
Just clumsy a fall I say
Many look …in the know
watching me now everyday

Promises you made won’t happen again
Vows were made you cry
as I moan suffering the pain
Yes ‘to have’ me as your slave
‘To hold’ in your prison man cave

Change you yell at me and I try
Over shattered bones and bruises I cry
Wincing through the pain
we say I’m sorry never again

Deep inside were truth does not lie
fooling ourselves and wishing me to die
Each day I live in this loneliness and fear
As each draws closer deaths door is near

Tormented and bullied cannot last
like our love it must stop now and fast
I make my plan with strength and resolve
Each name called, punch, slap, kick and fist
Has been added to a growing list

No more shall I fear your walk through the door
As I touch your heart like years before
Only this time with my street bought forty-four.
~~~~~~~~~
BATTERED
Scalding tears run down her cheeks
Hoarse cries from her compressed throat
Lipstick smeared, lips bruised and busted
Chocolaty skin once so smooth and silken
Mottled the deep eggplant purple
Flesh torn, dress red from the blood
Stockings shredded as if a cats scratch post
Shoes broken heel, one in kitchen one in hallway
The days of her feminine wiles put to rest
Eyes staring, breathing stopped
Once a battered doll, now an angel
~~~~~~~~~

WHAT HAS BECOME OF ME?
I was once pretty and thin
Small hips and tight skin
I was once pretty, I really liked me
I was pretty with ankles and knees tiny
My upturned nose kind of shiny
I was once pretty and thin
Never thought of wrinkled skin
Gazing in the mirror, I dread to see
What has actually become of me
My hips are wider, my face is lined

Gravity has raised its ugly face
There are wrinkles and folds to trace
I should fix this and that
Lift it up or reduce its size
Yet as I look in the mirror
There is a surprise
I am beautiful say my eyes !!

copyright 2013~LWC
****

A MOTHERS BURDEN

A woman may batter the glass ceiling of the corporate world
she may fight with her mother into adulthood
she will always be Daddys little girl and her
siblings pest. she will become a wife and one day God willing a Mother

Once a mother you truly realize your worth
For you are then responsible for every breath
thought and action of this miniature adult.
You nurture teach and love with patience and humor
discovering the world anew

There is no greater pain than that of giving birth and becoming that mother until the day you bury that child because God needed them
more than you did.
You will never experience a greater pain in life than that one and I hope you never never have to endure that pain.

I WILL BE THERE

Call me or knock on my door No matter the time day or night I’ll be there for you Love too long gone he’s done you wrong kids making you crazy I’ll be there for you as your heart breaks heart rejoices I’ll be there for you Need a loan eyebrows done help cleaning I’ll Be there for you need to cry here’s a hug and tissues female issues I’ll be there for you I am your friend and confidant You are my heart all I ask in return be there for me.
EMPTY My mind is empty, blank Emotions gone cold , so tired so old Feel like walking a plank.

 

BY THE WATER
Wish I was sitting by the water anywhere.. with my feet dangling in the cool cool water. Watching the fish dart and jump like silver streaks of lightening coming from underneath Just enough shade from that old cottonwod tree to keep the sun from burning me. D.H. Lawrence open next to me…and a cold iced tea unsweetened of course My thoughts wandering randomly over this and that…pondering a notion here making a plan for what? Just basking in the beauty grace and love of the man upstairs and all that he has made.
SOULLESS

Sick of living with the pain Tears flowing like the Spring rains No flowers growing in my Spirit Soul feels empty no longer just bruised Weeds in my mind ..too tough to pull Just so damn full of drama, hurt sorrow grief Can’t take anymore, want to go But what will happen to my soul???

BROTHERS
“I AM THE BIG SISTER, THAT’S WHY You can’t do that! Stop that.. don’t I’m telling …  your a brat… MOMMM” Brothers torment and taunt…remember  The chases through the house hide and seek outdoors and they leave you  jumping on their bikes and riding away. Blaming you  when it was really them Putting toads in your bed.. telling on you   defending you when some boy  breaks your heart . Wanting you to be part of their weddings and they yours driving you to the hospital when you start labor and  your husband can’t get there in time, waiting for the  stop sign to turn green before turning into the hospital. Asking trucker buddies on their CB’s to watch out for  you while you drive across country.   Being there to take care of Mom when she  is in her last days .. hugging you as you cry The love between brothers and sisters is never ending.. we still fight and argue but that bond is there and the love abounds I am so grateful for mine..KEITH..JOHN AND K.C. LOVE YOU GUYS!!
PEACE

Searching my soul, mind and heart there is missing in each a part Peace, Harmony and Balance My heart was  ripped out, stomped on , bruised , cold and hard My mind in turmoil trying to care for everyone My soul must learn to forgive or Peace and  Tranquility will forever leave me  forget the past forgive all souls down to the last then peace, Tranquility and Love will be mine

Three sisters so much alike Played together, fought together over small things like a bike. Covered for one another from their father and their Mother keeping to their pact of ‘having the others back’ at these times they became the ‘power of three’ believing they were unique they went about their crimes. Borrowing money many times, clothes, make up and even rhymes. stealing boys hearts or crying over boys that left them for others they thought more clever. their power of three was not unique as their momma had her power of three with her sisters Grandma had 2 sisters in her family tree. The power of three did reign until one fateful day the older sister went away to reside in Gods House where she was needed to wait for her sisters ..the power of three.  

SING My heart is still Yet I sing at will I let my voice soar far and wide Casting to the winds My heart so bare I sing to share My song of Joy My song of Pain Sing of lonely times Moonlit nights Rain and sun When life is done Yet I sing at will I let my voice soar

CRICKET There is a cricket… in the thicket Singing at the moon. No wait! He is on the floor… right by the door Rubbing legs to chirp along… Singing his mating song. WINE TIMES hey girlfriend grab those glasses I have a wine bottle full lets talk about life..drink..laugh… cry walk memory lane in flashes tell our secrets.. loves..worries play the oldies .. dance remember when play what-if and wonder if by chance lets make a toast to new memories as we stroll the old our memories of gold TREES Blushing dawn, waking the sky warm light piercing through gossamer clouds Rays penetrate and reflect on multi-hued leaves as they drift and spatter as Gods paintbrush colors His canvas …earth. copyright 2013 LMC

AUTUMN lll Blushing dawn, waking the sky warm light piercing through gossamer clouds Rays penetrate and reflect on multi-hued leaves as they drift and spatter as Gods paintbrush colors His canvas …earth. copyright 2013 LMC SEARCHING searching my soul, mind and heart there is missing in each a part Peace, Harmony and Balance I must find My heart was  ripped out, stomped on , bruised ,  now cold and hard My mind in turmoil trying to care for everyone My soul must learn to forgive or Peace and  Tranquility will forever elude me  I must forget the past forgive all souls down to the last then peace, Tranquility and Love will be mine Just as the Lord planned and in His time.

FALL INTO LOVE The hayride and bonfire before them, each one lonely coerced into attending by well meaning family or friends Glancing across the fire on that chilly October night he took her heart hostage  with one long look. He claimed all these years she spirited his away as well with her beautiful smile. Fifty-four years later on this crisp frosty October night she held his hand, snuggled close on the old iron bed He telling her again his love for her, remembering the night much like this one and how they had met, with a deep sigh of content pulling the frayed quilt over their shoulders up to their chins, they closed their eyes to love and dream of their Fall into love.

MY CHILD MY HEART

I put my heart on the platter to have you throw and watch it shatter I gave you life nurtured and love you still you give me death with your words that kill my heart Your being private and cruel covers me in pain Why why do I let you do this time and again? I reach out and you bite my hand, tear my heart Was there something I did? something I missed? My love was not enough? Where do you get these beliefs that you scream at me for your relief I am your kicking bag I see that now, you’ll be judged someday we all know how I will always love you and if you need me as your mother I’ll be there to plead for you and with god for your healing, to hold your hand, wipe your brow, Just ask for me now.

AUTUMN Heat of summer flirts each day with the cool breeze of autumn windows open  to air the house, left open to sleep Blankets being pulled from storage Leaves are turning up for  blessed rain Then turning hues of gold, purple, red and brown Squirrels are still busy gathering, birds are at the berries Rabbits  beginning to burrow summer flowers begin to fade Geese and ducks heading south among the quacks and honks Thoughts are on pumpkins, gourds and baked acorn squash while children count days to Halloween then Christmas Candy corn , ginger bread and apples for yummy apple pie A tear in the window pane for summer, a candle in the pumpkins smile Oh the beauty and wonder of Fall. OBSESSION Deep in my heart is an obsession I don’t care about recession when seasons change I must shop for my Havainas Sandals, Michael Kors and Donald Piners Dansko clogs and Daniel green slippers DVF’s because they are Diane’s and they are so divine! If I can’t find them in the stores Why I will shop online! I’ll have Birkenstocks and Chloe too Seven, Dolce Vita, Rangoni too’ Then maybe a bag or too. Of course my stand-by Coach but Tory burch and Botkier too Mz Wallace and Koobas I’ll take two. Oh No I’m maxed on this card whatever will I do? Honey…. Honey I need you! loL OH TO WEAR HEELS AGAIN  sob sob….

YEARNING the picture on the bedside table looks as if she were able to reach out and touch him as he wishes she could do. the days are long the nights are longer his heart, body and mind cry out with yearning ..yearning to hear her voice ..not caring what about just to hear her, touch her, love her again the months feel twice as long each day feels to him so wrong he shouldn’t have to visit a memory garden to be with her Life is going to be so long and lonely if only …if only..

SHEDDING TEARS To shed tears..good for the soul washing the heart of sorrow for a brief time ..til the morrow Each day we weep  is one we keep stored in the mind, memories lined with pictures of you and I . Walks on the beach, hikes thru woods farmers markets, good food donuts and papers in bed Showers shared , no part spared. One day  I woke and you were gone. to shed tears…good for the soul washing the heart of sorrow for a brief time.. til the morrow.
GODS LOVE To offer comfort to those in need,  to those we know and see each day To those we “know” through blogs of song , poetry, story and such makes the heart swell with the love God  instructs us to do. … LOVE ONE ANOTHER!

LOST YOUTH Remembering our youth the fun we had catching crawdads in the creek , mud pies under the tree in the yard.  dad getting mad at mom for letting us slip and slide on his lawn. Moving away from home good or bad, good-byes everyone seems to echo others cries singing in a band going on tour across country oh  the good ol’ days how our hearts yearn Believing we can recapture the past of our younger years, is fantasy we all wish for those days when so poor everyone pulled together it was a ‘sister-brother act’. those days are gone ne’r to return WE learn  and take on responsibility we learn to plant our happiness where we are   watch it grow. Taking care of ourselves, family, parents,  not thinking of ourselves anymore. Doing our duty, we can reminisce and take pleasure in what we have accomplished being satisfied showing we know our self-worth and our heart swells with love and pride . Not to take away the yearning of days gone just search the beauty of the day and within find you are your destiny and life isn’t done. Changing with the years and circumstances doesn’t change the music nor it’s stanzas.    

SEASONS ll Life offers many choices and obligations The only obligation to ourselves is to be happy. Spring of Life The choices made when young are foolish for we can afford to be obstinate and selfish Summer of Life We are still selfish but ready to share choosing marriage, career and children Fall of Life We begin to rethink choices made and yearn for the Spring accept our lives and realize happiness and contentment have been achieved. Winter of Life Wiser now with life experience Advice we give to offspring Losing family to God Accepting what comes our way For our winter years full of love and peace , we realize we accomplished our obligation to self we are happy.

DECADES Growing up in the fifties for some was quite nifty Mothers wore aprons stayed at home, cleaning , washing and waxing wane. Stepford wives on the lane. The sixties brought free love war protest, flower power weed, lsd and no showers Seventies took us to glam n glitter with Disco balls, Disco Duck guys wondering ‘why no luck’ in their white polyester suits Travolta moves , still no grooves The Eighties brought the “ME”  generation all about me and constipation corporate swindlers and whistle blowers Nineties brought us political movers & liars should have  thrown them all in fires New millenium , brought forth more prozac and valium counting of chits , kids out of control, gays out of closets Now a decade +1 in and our country has gone to hell selfishness should be the description of this decade for in comparison others pale what a story are grandchildren will have to tell

I’LL

NEVER LEAVE He used to say he would never leave he would hold me so tight, it felt right I will always be yours he says over and over then one day he walked out the door with a kiss , hug,  I love you and a smile hours passed walking  the floor mile after mile the days passed , then the years finally dried tears and an old paper bag with all the promises of I’ll never leave burnt in the old barrel, but the memory stayed with her wouldn’t leave took the pictures, love notes, buried them a worthless endeavor for the words she read picture she studied and talked too still there in her mind all this time memories still there A knock on the door, officer regrets to inform her remains of helicopter found with his body  in an undisclosed region of  Afghanistan .  Letter found I’ll never leave you, I love you  over and over. written three years 7 months and 18 days ago. Memories now all that is left..memories of whispered ‘I’ll never leave, I’ll always be yours’ memories

ARID HEART She walks among the grass and weeds hearing the crunch of land gone arid. The land is as dry and brown as her heart feels this day Her mind trying to wrap around all that has happened and all that is to come From abandonment as a child, molestation, death and dishonor the trauma in her life would be a best selling story in fact and in fiction for those non-believers. Yet, nothing, nothing compares to the last six months of her life life what a word , we banter it around without realizing what we are saying. Life, rife, strife, trauma , drama  five words to define her entire 60 years. Yet, nothing, nothing compares to the last six months of her life. The call she received that started this nightmare echoes in her head over and over. All the subsequent calls to the detective, with always the same answer ‘nothing’ God her heart hurts and her faith comes and goes, the tears, the tears they flow without provocation. Her daughter passing six months ago on the 19th, her birthday on the 20th of this month. How do you cope with THAT she thinks, a child you carried under your breast, nurtured and nestled. A child you heard cry through the deepest of sleeps; which you needed so badly to find she just needed your touch. The first step; the first tooth all because you ate right, rested took your vitamins and loved her father. God’s plan came into play …to hear  her cry or her laughter, something you only hear distant echoes of now in your mind. Passing a shelf or table with her picture, hearing a song you used to sing to or with her,  God what were you thinking?  as she turns to walk back. Hearing a cricket reminds her of the first time she showed her how to catch one and put it in the match box with holes for it to breathe.  Telling her crickets are good luck and they help you sleep. Spraying her best perfume one night and Lysol the next under her bed to scare away the monsters ..”mommy don’t forget my closet” she calls as you walk out of her Barbie decorated room. Ahh the memories and now, now she, she is only half alive, trying to be strong for the rest of the family when all she wants to do is stand on a mountain top screaming. The chore she has immediately ahead of her is one of great apprehension; for she must go to her daughter’s home and sort  through her things. Choosing memories for others. This walk of her life , her Life’s Journey  as she calls it has taken many paths ; never, never any as long or arduous as this path, this journey of dread. God let me live through this let my heart survive, give me strength and understanding and faith to carry through.

JOURNEY

I envisioned your journey in my mind  and heart God’s way of helping me to dismiss the memory of my last view of you my sweet. As you stood on that mountain top, white robe flowing dark hair with streaks of the silver you always wanted your eyes are flashing with happiness and joy and OH they are pain free for the first time in years! You are reaching out your long thin fingers across the vast  valley , your hand ready for Him to grasp in his beautifully scarred palms. He smiles and says ” the right hand of my Father  awaits you, for it is your time” you look back one more time and for a minute sadness fills you, a tear slides down your cheek Jesus’ warm hand draws you back to him and you smile once more “I am so sad ” you say He smiles gently , holds your hand and speaks “My child your time on Earth is done, my Father wants you to have the rewards He promised,  for you have been a strong and faithful servant”  This vision that I had gave me peace but did not remove all of my sorrow for I am selfish and wanted you to stay with all of us for many more tomorrows But Heaven needed you more than we did and our lessons are yet to be learned.  Your passing has changed us all some for the better, some not, those of us  true to your memory  celebrate and grieve our life without you; so bear with us your loved ones left behind, wait for us and know we live each day loving you still. 

 

SISTERHOOD
I have been blessed with two wonderful women I call sisters we were born of same mother but with different fathers this gave all of our lives different paths and twisters There are times we can be certain we will have words in the end  though sisters will always forgive each other As sisters we help one another cope with all that  life gives The day is brighter, songs are sweeter, hue of flowers deeper when shared with my sisters the song we sing as sisters is pure and sweet even when off key, for the bond of love continues throughout our families, we reach new levels as we watch our children grow, knowing the love we sow. laughter is a natural voice of this three with it comes the feeling of free free to love , laugh, and be silly, free to cry free to howl when troubling times arrive on a doorstep the other two are there for those we hold dear we make our worlds a better place for the love we share reaching out to touch others far and near but in the end only advice and answers from a sister can help us attain our dreams and grow  The number three is never a crowd with sisters a sisters value is not measured by miles apart only in the fullness of our hearts. my sisters mean so much to me they give me their ears, their hearts their strength, their arms to hug, and have the ability to understand my silence I have been truly blessed by these two extraordinary women by their love, faith, strength and the bond of  the SNACK SECRETS OF THE YA-YA SISTERHOOD! LOVE YOU,  JUDY L. CLARK, DEBBIE D. CLEVENGER
LOVE
When you smile  the sun begins to shine clouds clear away, stars sparkle, the moon begins to fill.  My heart is so ready to burst with the feelings I have absorbed from your heart to mine You have given me reason to live many times without knowing what you were doing for that my heart is grateful I will always be there for you  as long as you need or want me no matter the path you take i love you my beautiful Daughters!!!
HIS ADDICTION

He lies upon sweat dampened sheets

reliving the past hours love so sweet
 
the loneliness, the yearning, the emptiness
he feels each night after she leaves is as
painful as anything he’s ever felt
 
knowing she chooses not to stay
stirs the emotions he cannot say
for she would laugh that deep
throaty laugh “it is what it is’
 
his body aches for the feel  of her
throbs to be inside her again and again
or to just hold her close  feeling her
soft sweet skin against his
 
he never knows when she will be here again
until she is, his body will continue to yearn
dream and fantasize  about her, the woman
of his dreams, in his blood, his addiction
his muse, his dream, his love
Oh God he loves her ! 
K.D.

Just a little limerick about a dog with a lick went outside got a tick that made the dog really sick but mommy took to vet that was slick

YOU SHOULD HAVE HEARD
You should have heard … I love you before your last breath
Wish I would have spent more of my  time with you telling you
all I dared and how much I cared
You should have heard..I love you before your last breath
I should have let you know how wonderful you were to me
I should have said how I felt and what you meant to me
You should have heard …I love you before your last breath
I wish I could turn back the hands of  the clock
Instead of pouring your ashes off the dock
You should have heard…I love you
I’s Of The World
Incompetent, Insane, names for Injustice so Inane, Inaudible screams, In articulated Insipid Inchworm Incapable of being human. Incise, Incarcerate, Incubus!
AUTUMN
Heat of summer flirts each day with the cool breeze of autumn windows open  to air the house, left open to sleep Blankets being pulled from storage Leaves are turning up for  blessed rain Then turning hues of gold, purple, red and brown Squirrels are still busy gathering, birds are at the berries Rabbits  beginning to burrow summer flowers begin to fade,petals dropping Geese and ducks heading south among the quacks and honks
Thoughts are on pumpkins, gourds and baked acorn squash while children count days to Halloween, Thanksgiving and  Christmas Candy corn , ginger bread and apples for yummy apple pie A tear in the window pane for summer, a candle in the pumpkins smileOh the beauty and wonder of Fall.
AUTUMN MOON
Walking among the scented balsam
Crisp air filling my nose and lungs with the pungent aroma of clean Eyes filled with my favorite colors of yellow, red, orange and purple The clouds floating past the moon
 fiery moon of autumn guiding my way filling heart with peace and joy.
SELF PITY
i too wallow in the self-pity pool i thought that was the rule when life keeps kicking you down you get back up , you try and try to get it right ..again, then you cry what’s the use. those you love are  going to do it they are saying your trippin, your crazy so many times and feeling alone,  beaten, kicked like a dog. Words you speak they tweak to fit their idea of what you said so pity yes for myself yes I’ll stay that way until I’m dead.
WORLD OF BLACK
A gray world most times black burnt so many times  they must think I’m a chimney stack No more, no more I cry but  they see not a tear, they smile at thy stricken face, white as  a  piece of lace. told my place, shown my face paid by the cut of their tongue pierced heart, pierced lung their so called love I have flung I can not take it back
COUNTRY LIVING
Country living a euphuism for peace and tranquility to those from the cityWhen they come to visit they leave feeling great pity Missing the point of good , hard work satisfaction daily of a job well done. feed and water the animals, tend the crops cooking, canning and baking too, then there are the hops to brew wood to chop for winter fires rocking and watching the smoky spires Enjoying life as our ancestors did providing food for others in the world the greatest satisfaction of all.
LOVE
Hand to heart my eyes see you stomach flutters like emerging butterflies the cocoon I have shared with them until you came into my life.
BRIDGES
Bridges crossed Bridges burned many never learn bridges run parallel in  life Bridges crossed Bridges burned
PULSATING
take my hand and lead me to the room above pretend I am your true love send my throbbing pulses skyward kiss me as my blood rushes in heated anticipation send me skyward like fireworks on new years eve then tiptoe while I sleep and take your leave
MOMMA

I wake often with Momma on my lips

yearning to feel your arms around me
hear you say love and miss me too
 
our conversation as you laid 
on your bed wanting to be dead
to be not with Jesus but your man, as was your life, the same in death 
 
Momma that hurt so much, a man before your children even your last day
you ask me to do what you  could not
‘keep family together’  how was I

to do what you would could not? Momma I have tried and now I’m tired  with all the hate and bitterness the hanging on of slights from years ago Momma how could you pit us against  each other that way, why was it so hard to love us all at once?  Do you know what you did to us? do you know you deprived us of each other kept us from developing the bonds that  siblings are supposed to have You never gave us memories of everyone coming home for holidays, birthdays, weddings, births…none of the  ‘NORMAL’ family gatherings. Now we try but we end up clinging and being needy of each other  to the point of suffocation. So once again we go our separate ways with phone calls every few months or not at all.  Disappearing from each other for decades, such sadness this brings to my heart.  Momma we all loved you and wanted your approval so very  much we still do to this day. We go to your grave hoping for  what?  peace I guess or to show you the child in us and that we still love you. I hope you look down on us from above  and realize we are still struggling with the baggage we inherited from you momma. I just wish you had known better how to be a 

mother. I love and miss you momma and will till my dying day , just wish you could have loved me the same way.

AMERICAS DISGRACE

A conversion is taking place Not something you can see Feelings are erupting,  a flares trace compassion, sympathy empathy then anger, hatefulness, losing face The fire is burning deep inside Americans losing, losing pride for the conversion is this we are going hungry, losing jobs, homes families separated striving to survive living in shelters and cars cars that are broken or out of fuel children attending institutions without accreditation entering higher education without knowledge to see them through Our nation broke Washington  a joke Our elected officials regress to preschool mentality do not want to progress The conversion is taking place to the world beyond, we have lost face Americas shame and disgrace.

WICKEDNESS
Tired of putting up the front Pretending all is well, when the impression, the depression significant in understanding the evil treading within echoes in my head recognized by others while I believed pure of heart I’ve taken life murder one by right of choice murder two for mercy was that the wickedness seen by others I do not know
Trauma has followed me all my life

FAMILY TREE Tree roots planted deep drinking mother natures nutrients from the soil thickening bark to protect against life’s turmoil branches rise seeking sun learn to bend and sway new buds clinging as if to mothers hand  so brave til autumn winds cause to fall , leaves of multicolor hue new life arriving in buds to see , perhaps a new branch one for you and for me.

RACISM BLACK WHITE GRAY, LOVE HATE DISDAIN, color holds no boundaries turmoil of feelings foiled love …pain black, white-gray, love hate disdain Cracker, wetback, nigga that old refrain feeds the hatred, racism and disdain

bleed one color, made the same Gods Image, Gods Children no matter the perception or name

PENANCE Standing at the alter of prayer surrounded by dirt, stone, air sins revealed in this long night forgiveness asked not yet right penance must be paid can’t use body as a trade mire of drugs I did wade alcohol made its introduction mind reveled in abduction Standing at the alter of prayer surrounded by dirt, stone, air cheeks now shine wet with tears ..regret forgiveness comes in a swell baptism water at the well Jesus Saves  the chorus sings as angels place the halo ring

PRIZE No longer wish to be a part of you and me your wrinkled brow tight-lipped frown luggage so quickly packed left wondering what did I lack Gone now leaving cold ashes in the wake of tears on lashes Left alone to atone sins not yet known until I realize you weren’t really a prize!!

THE HEART  THE HEART  cries out as the tears flow 

down cheeks having lost  their glow face wrinkled, hair gone gray learning how to pray asking for relief of hearts burden
grief knows no end, no time past treated like your memory an outcast asked to have more decorum , more class in public places, sights ‘n sound  bringing memories around haunting memories of smell and song life without you so very very long Heart grown cold like stone knowing forever on I am alone

HALLOWEEN FEARS pumpkin pumpkin on the porch look at your big eyes  lit with a torch torch autumn is here, friends held dear looking skyward all is clear full yellow moon  coyotes cheer bon-fire roaring with it’s heat children laughing ‘trick or treat in the bushes a heart quickly beats he sees his love cross the street she gets close smells so sweet reaches out takes her hand pulls her close to the land plunges deep again and again as the bone he hacks and hacks on the ground he leaves climax pumpkin pumpkin on the porch look at your big eyes  lit with a torch torch

CAN YOU SEE? Can you hear my cries Can you hear my heart Can you hear my voice The night and day cries My battered bruised heart  Emotion cracking my voice. Can you see the dimmed light In my empty eyes Can you see my vacant soul Life’s childhood dimmed my light Life’s loss of innocence emptied my eyes Life’s loneliness took my soul

TOGETHER To shed tears..good for the soul washing the heart of sorrow for a brief time ..til the morrow Each day we weep  is one we keep stored in the mind, memories lined with pictures of you and I . Walks on the beach, hikes through woods, farmers markets, good food donuts and papers in Sunday bed Showers shared , no part spared. One day  I woke and you were gone. to shed tears…good for the soul washing the heart of sorrow for a brief time.. til the morrow.

CRYSTAL TREES  Willow by the pond bent and crying leaves touching upon the ground The mighty burly Oak releases upturned leaves of  ecru and gold The woman sits below the branches lonely tears falling on her cheeks Quietly the fairies dance about gathering her tears to make Crystal Trees of winter.

FAMILY Sunday dinners at momma’s All the birthdays, births, breakups , new loves and deaths we gathered at momma’sWe could call and chat for hours from God to food to flowers Going down the list one would ask have you heard from or seen what is so and so doing? Siblings sharing secrets of things  we didn’t want momma to worry about but she always knew she had that sixth and seventh sense of knowing or at least suspicioned. Oh we argued all of us, run to momma talk it over with her before  you could finish the other  would come through the door we would end up hugging and crying among the I’m sorries were the I love yous this is family coming together us against the world none of this everyone going their own way and forgetting their roots, the where they came from this is family loving, giving, caring family this is all I ever wanted in my whole life this is what my heart yearned for.

Internet for Dummies The Internet for Dummies has me going rummy says I have memory and check it here so I checked I still can’t remember yesterday. so many things unclear It says I can write something called a Blog didn’t quite understand looked like a letter to me so I wrote my sister gave a few secrets, now everyone on something called Face book knows, my mind is in a fog Import pictures from Windows Media my pictures are not in Windows and the media has no need for them, I called and asked for them they said they had not seen them Picasa I thought was art work by Picasso to my surprise it was photos for every ones eyes I set the  computer on fire with sparks by using a Photo Bucket said to manage with facial traits I swear we look so much alike the computer began to spark. I tried out that Virus Protector I still got the flu. A bug I have it reports, sprayed with Raid, now have a sticky keyboard, want to trade? E-mail is super fast so I wrote one to my daughter never arrived, until she buys a  computer. Now I will tell you I really am an Internet Dummy I believe with all confusing hype my only hope is to purchase Skype.

anger, pain, despair

Feeling anger, pain and  disbelief heart is so heavy for loss of you want to write on windows, billboards and cars, I miss you so much your beautiful life cut short buy a bastard too much a coward to be a man and own up. I miss your smile and twinkling eye when you laughed and I miss hearing you say how much you love your family. I miss you as only a mother can miss a child of her womb taken so abruptly  and leaving this hole in my heart If a heart can bleed inside I know mine bleeds for you crystal tears that are heard when they drop your voice I hear  and it is  in my veins echoing, reverberating. My anger,  my hatred and despair holds me back now from loving others

so completely I know its unfair I miss and love you so my dear beautiful daughter and someday  someone will pay for taking you from me and the family.  

BORROWED

God gave me a blessing a beautiful child God gave a beautiful hug and smiled watch over this angel  for me love, nurture, guide ,  keep him free spend afternoons hunting worms and fishing mud pies , playing ball for him I am wishing love him with his gaped tooth smile Wait  this one is visiting just a while I’m not quite finished with him, just a test but I will give him to you this way a way for you to have him  everyday I will give you not a piece not a part just the Memories of your Heart

STRUGGLE

Struggle is my middle name Strength I have but I am going to fall no one to catch me the struggle is to tall Who took your life Who took your life Who took your life Struggle night and day Who is going to pay Struggle is my middle name Strength I have but I am going to fall hold me up just awhile longer till we meet at Heaven’s Gate

COMPLEXITY

The heart aches for love of family The soul does not understand the complexity of the family unit Only that hers is not a part of it The heart aches for love of God The soul does not understand  the complexity of the many creeds Only that hers is not a part of it The heart aches for love of man the soul does not understand the complexity of the metro man Only that hers is not a part of it The heart aches for family, God and Man The soul is lost and dark ..does not understand How the complex, intricate relationships of life have passed her by.

 

HAPPINESS a home to call your own, smiling at the rain waking with no pain Happiness! having family about not being alone, hearing laughter yes, even tears Happiness! being free to be no judgement no criticism just to be Happiness!

MY MUSE I have loved and been loved I have hated and been hated I have given and been taken I have drugged myself to sleep I have woken with a scream I have gotten drunk to weep I can not play music I can not sing I can not dance But I can love I can hate I can take I can use I can not write poetry for I have lost my muse.

THANKSGIVING Thanksgiving…let us be thankful for mans inhumanity to man for hunger around the world for evil displayed with greed, greed displayed with a smile for molestation of children for theft of respect for others Thanksgiving…let us be thankful for drive~by shootings and prostitution for gangs and pimps drug dealers and drug users Thanksgiving… let us be thankful for politicians’ temper tantrums for AIDS among straight and gay for babies born with mothers addiction for cruelty to animals Thanksgiving …let us be thankful dreams of world peace cures for diseases affecting children for humans with compassion for hope through prayer for faith in God’s Word For Strength in times of devastation

MY FATHER My Father was a carpenter leather pouch around his waist worn as natural as his Levis and his flanne

l shirt, his own personal taste His pouch filled with hammers nails, tapes and such He would caress pine and oak seemed with a lovers gentle touch. His eye told him crown his cut always true. Frame a house in 2×6’s, nail your porch down too. No matter lean~to or fine doors he applied the same standard Of your custom cabinet stores. My Father was a carpenter ready to give a hand or a tip Pall Malls in his pocket or loose hanging from his lip My father was a carpenter a mere mortal man pine, oak, balsam fir was magic in his hand My Father was a carpenter became down, became sick Surgery was the answer Voice silenced…Cancer thick. My Father was a carpenter his will gone, his hammer done he wrote notes of which I treasure writing feelings of great measure the husky timber of his voice lost by his smoking choice, reverberating in my mind My Father was a carpenter Gone to heaven too soon With his hammer and his nails I wonder how much he tells to the Other carpenter the one with hands and feet once nailed. I love and miss you Daddy.

RACKED IN PAIN

Been racked in pain all day all week

dreading this season  of family and joy
Knowing that candles will be lit for you
empty chairs at many tables just for you
Does anyone but another mother understand this pain
recognize that this child carried nine months in my womb,
fed by my blood, able to  breathe by my  breath
the backaches, the swollen feet, the cravings,
the pain of labor, the crashing wave after wave of
those contractions taking our breath and arching our backs
the pushing and gnashing of teeth and the screams of agony
all to push this perfect miniature us that we made into the world
kicking and screaming saying ‘here I am adore me now”
All of that and then to have some monster take you from me
For what, For what, Why, What was the point ?
God one minute I hate you and scream my hatred to you
then beg forgiveness and profess my belief and faith
Lord why why after all of that did you take her? She
was a loving gentle hearted person. She was too young
to go and in such a horrible manner.
My heart is so heavy, my tears won’t stop
My beautiful angel in heaven, momma misses you
loves you and can’t wait to see you
God why?
God it isn’t right to take a child
from its mother by murder or illness
SOMEDAY

Someday I hope to look back on today …my first family holiday without you, and not feel the sadness and emptiness I felt today. Someday I hope to look across the table on this family holiday and have your sisters and nephews there. Someday I hope to look across the table and see your sons,  my grandsons there. Someday I hope to look across the table and see brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews and their offspring there. Someday  I hope to look across the table and join hands with you and all the other loved ones passed and with Our Saviour Jesus Christ . Until that someday please know you are missed and loved and a candle was lit for you today and will be many times over, a chair will be set close  so that we can be reminded of loved ones gone. But you my precious daughter will be held in my heart so tightly you will never ever be just a reminder for you are a part of me, blood of my blood, breath of my breath. RIP my angel , my love, my heart. KLYSTA LaNELL SCHRIEVER ~ BRESHEARS

AUGUST 20TH, 1969~~ FEBRUARY 19TH, 2011

 

WELCOME HOME year after year the candle stood in the window guiding you home to the ones that loved you. our hearts filled with anxiety until your arrival turning in the drive I would whisper “thank you Lord” now the candle in the window has been replaced by a black wreath and your picture the anxiety now is only for the “why why Lord” love in my heart for you still and for ever a longing that flares like the flame of that old candle to embrace you again just one more time to feel your sweet breath upon my cheek your arms around me once more bittersweet memories for now your gone as the flame on that ol’candle now gone and cold

HOME ECHOES

Her footsteps echo as she walks from room to room Memories assailing her mind and heart faster than her brain can comprehend all at once The tears are streaming down her cheeks in sadness and loneliness. After her children were grown and gone she loved and nurtured this house  as if it were a child. Now it is empty and the memories, well they reside in her heart for her to open and remember at anytime. God lived here too and He will go with her wherever she goes now.

The house is empty, heart is full, memories close.

 
JUST ME…JUST ONE

Control is lost  mind is spinning

Heart is broken  Grief is winning
You are gone life is done
I am living as I feared
Living life alone just me just one.
COLLAPSED MARRIAGE
Rising by rote, he shuffled to the facility for morns ritual Looking out the window the sun rising with golden rays Popping the cabinet, he gasps,  his stomach lurches heart races eyes well…she is gone..why God why?Pulling himself together as he hears a wee bairn beginning to stir, time for the rush to begin. Ah they are so silent this morn, neither very hungry he would like to keep them close today but routine is what they need.Walking back through the door of what was a home He feels the emptiness, realizing the energy the vitality is gone.Watching her drive away so casually as if a weekend jaunt Space is what she requested, but will she be with him? How do you throw the years and love away as garbage on the street?He cries as he tidies up then collapses in the walk-in closet heart wracked gasping sobs screaming at her in his mindHe sits on the side of the bed, Bible in hand…for where else does he turn?  God help us he prays.
A BROKEN HEART

Propped against the vase on the table

a lilac colored envelope
Handwritten single page
Where were you when you broke my heart?
Did you hear it shatter like a crystal flute
Did you see the black cloud from the sky
drop over the shards?
Clothes gone from the closet
brush gone from vanity
perfume given for anniversary
solitary bottle now in pieces
along with the mirror
Where were you when you broke my heart?
Did you hear it scream in agony?
Hear my tears fall like the rain?
Where were you when you broke my heart?
5X 7…A NOTEBOOK
Tucked  in her purse a small spiral notebook remembering how she taught her to make cursive letters Memories of a little girl, a teen, then a young woman having fun going to the beach ‘catching some sun’ she used to say. She looks in the mirror how pretty with her sun caught tan.Mom she says one day look at this… a doctors visit to have it removed then they hear ” metastatic melanoma.” sounds serious she jokes, the doc turns slowly and with a moist eye says  ” Very serious young lady” and he tells her she needs treatments. She knows, and her mom is crying, she knows her time on earth is nearly through. Parents dig in their heels, we will do what it takes Go where we need to, do what ever it takes the year passes too quickly, her friends visited at first then began to fade away, just as she is doing day after day. She writes in the little notebook and on her blog so others will understand. Little more than six months have passed and Mom is watching the beautiful headstone as it is set. She pauses at a bench and sits down reaching in her bag for the torn, tear-stained pages of the notebook. Her tears blur her vision but she knows the words by heart the last thoughts of her beautiful daughter written in this torn, tear-stained, tattered notebook. RIP MY BEAUTIFUL ANGEL! a marble stone with her name upon it.Her mother reaches in her bag and pulls out her daughters last thoughts all bound in this 5x 7 spiral notebook pages fading ragged and torn from tears she continues to shed.
LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER
The madness came out of I don’t know where one day all was well or seemed to be then the call came, the one that said you were in a fetal position in the bathroom under the sink. you wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, it was so hard to see how much you were hurting, how fearful yet  you refused my hugs, my touch even my words screaming for me to shut the f**k up.. Never had you spoken to me that way  I was numb with shock.You refused  any help
we tried to get for you, you bounced from house to house your Dad then us. You blocked me out completely, until you went somewhere and the paranoia took over then it was phone calls,  you were miles from home parked in a bank parking lot too scared to drive home. So at three in the morning I am picking you up to take you home where you don’t want to be but seems your safe haven.Time goes by with never any real communication until the illness gave you courage to call and tell me how much you hated me or you would come home after months of no word from you, like nothing had ever been wrong I could call and burn up your phone crying, begging you to let me know you were okay and you just ignored me. Why, Why, Why??? I very seldom knew where you lived or with whom. To get a call you were in the hospital and when I went to be with you …you told me to leave. When you had surgery for your cancer you made sure no one told me, Why?Do you know how much I hurt for all the years missed and missing still. Can you ever forgive all the wrongs you say I did? Was being your mom so wrong. I loved you so much my daughter and still do, I need your love and to be a part of your life. Each time I think we are going to take a step towards healing or beginning a relationship you tear into me again. where did this hatred come from ? My heart is so empty with out you my daughter. I Love you with all of being  and my arms ache to hold you and brush your hair behind your ear those little signs of affection you would never take from me.I fear I will go to my grave without you loving me and believing me when I say how much I adore you. How hard I tried to be a good mom to you and your sisters. How all these years I have prayed for you and placed you in God’s hands, for your health and stability never asking for anymore just wanting to know you were alive and somewhat well was all I could hope for.My precious daughter I love you so much and I am so sorry for all the wrongs real and imagined please forgive me. Give us a chance to be what we should have been all these years. Please can we sit as two grown women and talk about these things and try to resolve the issues . I miss you baby girl so very much. there has been a  hole  in my heart all these years that only you can fill. I love you with all my heart and soul.~~Mom
WHO AM I ?
I do not know who I am I do not know how to be I do not know why I amSearching all these years Never without tearsFor fear and apprehension Haunt my days and nightsPut forth effort to be What was expected of me I do not know who I amLeft alone many times Unloved not wanted I do not know why I amI do not know who I am I do not know how to be I do not know why I am
MY HEART
My heart  broken yet strong broken because your gone strong for surviving this near year without you and your grace. I see you every day and hear your voice as well in my mind and in my heart. I miss you terribly my first-born child I love you so much Klysta there will never be another like you.~~Momma
GOLDEN RAYS
The Golden rays of  sun wash across the land
The beauty of the cedars, aspens and cottonwoods lining the hills and mountains as statuesque monuments celebrating heroes.Soft winds rustling leaves that whisper a message only some understandBirds flitting and chirping a fox slinking throughFamily of porcupines waddle past the lake As geese and mallards swim lazily in the sunA  doe and fawn lap a drink so quietly as to be invisible a hill of ants scurry about searching for atom sized foodA garden snake slithers after a field mouse for lunch the squirrels with mouths full of acorns race up treesAll is as it should be in God’s creation The golden rays of the sun wash across the land.
MEMORIES OF SPRING
SHE STOOD ON THE BANKS OF THE RIVER WATCHING THE GENTLE WIND RIPPLE THE WATER FISH JUMPING, FROGS CROAKING,  THE ONLY HUMAN SOUND HER BRUSH UPON THE CANVAS WATCHING FROM AFAR  ONE WOULD BELIEVE SHE WAS  PAINTING THE RIVER AND ALL ABOUT..THEY WOULD NEVER KNOW SHE WAS PAINTING FROM MEMORY THE BEAUTY OF A MAN A MAN WITH SUN BLONDE HAIR BROAD SHOULDERS TAN FIRM BODY OF A WORKING MAN A GLEAMING WHITE SMILE AGAINST A TAN LEATHERY FACE ARMS OF A GENTLE LOVER WHEN HE HELD HER, DANCING OR MAKING LOVE HE TREATED HER LIKE A FINE CRYSTAL FLUTE HE KEPT HER IN BED FOR HOURS ON HIS BOAT AND LAUGHED WHEN SHE BECAME RAVENOUS FOR FOOD. IN THIS MEMORY HE IS WEARING SUN BLEACHED JEAN CUT OFFS NO SHIRT JUST HIS ST CHRISTOPHER’S MEDAL IN GOLD AGAINST HIS HAIRLESS CHEST. STANDING ON HIS BOAT SHOUTING AT HER TO HURRY  AHH THE TIMES THEY HAD BUT THIS ~ THIS IS ALL SHE  HAS LEFT OF THAT WEEK WITH HIM ~~HER MEMORIESAND THE PAINTINGS SHE KEPT HIDDEN IN THE GUEST ROOM CLOSET AWAY FROM HER HUSBAND .SPRING ALWAYS BROUGHT BACK THE MEMORIES AND SHE  PAINTED ONE A SEASON SHE WONDERED WHERE HE WAS AND WHAT HE WAS DOING  BUT SHE WOULD NEVER KNOW AND NEVER FORGET. HER MEMORIES OF SPRING.
TOO HOT
Flowers droop in languishing despair
shades of ecru to brown like the stroke
of an artists brush
Birds hiding in  thick scrub
out of suns rays taking dust
baths to cool
Dogs panting under shade trees
too hot to  even chase a  rabbit

Too hot for rape but that is what happenedHe pulled the little boy into his room hand over the kids mouthSweating so that his hands were slipping but he had to hold on he’d watched and waited now, now he had himPlacing the  boy face down on the bed head in pillow hand on back of headShhh …I’m not gonna hurt you sweat dropping from his brow heat excitement ..bothTurn the boy over to see the fear yes, yes, yes he says in his mind he is scared can’t be more than five or six for it too feel right..ooohh this is gonna be soo good

Flowers droop in languishing despair
shades of ecru to brown like the stroke
of an artists brush

Dogs panting under shade trees

too hot to chase a rabbit

Too hot for rape but that is what happened Too hot caused the stench to come quickly Found five-year old Billy Walker in the brush …sodomized, beaten DEAD His daddy cried begging for the press police and public to find the monster that did this Turning away from the cameras he smiled that evil smile just for a second with memory Ooohhh it was so good can’t wait til next time maybe in the fall… cooler then yes, yes

Flowers droop in languishing despair
shades of ecru to brown like the stroke
of an artists brush

 

FAIRY THINGS

Fairies in pretty ballerina slippers  dance and twirl among the stars listening, listening from a far hearing the sound of babes first laugh For the notes of a babes laugh shall bring forth fairy babes ,babes with tiny gossamer  wings filled with  many magical things

 

Gone

Where has the love gone? 

it filled our lives and hearts
Where has the respect gone?
it was shared among all
Now we hate and fight each other
over children’s Schedules
We scream racial epitaphs
show no loyalty to our own families
we lie and cheat them  with ease We just do what we please This marriage  is such a farce
 
We have allowed God to be removed from
our lives, too busy through the  week  to give God his due on a lazy Sunday morn Remember when we used to pray with each  other everyday? What happened to us? Our lives are a  such a farce Watching video of our Wedding Day  I can’t help but cry and pray that you will change your mind  and see that  it should still be you and me our children cry for you at night  wondering why  your not here they  ask if you love them I tell them yes then Daddy how come she left us? Tears my heart apart, why did you go  Our love  has become a farce Except inside  I cry out for you  my  soul my love my heart where have you gone

Dream

I watched the butterfly kiss the rose a bird drink from the fountain felt the sun upon my skin in my fathers garden At the beach toes curled in sand ocean spewing seaweed  with a wave gulls cawing for lunch high in the sky Propped against the mighty oak reading by the babbling brook fantasy in words and my heart Then I wake and realize I am still in my living hell.

EMPTY SOUL

destruction of my heart and soul has taken place the agony created by such callous actions has replaced a live beating healthy heart with one that is black hard and broken My spirit my soul is an empty vessel now where once a full of life, love and laughter spirit once resided The joys of everyday life are gone now faith is just a word and cold resides within. I am broken, destroyed, devastated

and empty ..so empty ..so empty….

MISTRESS 

I need you yes I need you, my days my nights , my life and heart are empty without you. Where have you gone my beautiful man  have you gone to tell her lies now

I need you yes I need you, more than she please please please return to me I loved you well I gave you all  the passion soared into the clouds Were you not there with me as we took flight on the magic orgasms of coming together How how can you abandon me  after that Am I not beautiful enough for you Do I not make you feel more than any before I believed our souls entwined and then you walk away so casually Like everything we shared means nothing   I called your house, she answered, I hung up I wanted to tell her of our life together  And maybe I will. Someday, someday I need you yes I need you

SATURDAY NIGHT BLUES

 I am but a simple woman some call me crazy  some call me momma or gram Never wanted much but to have  a good man and Sunday dinners with children n their babes. Everyone pitching in with cooking n cleaning so I could sit and rock the newest member Cooing and bubbling and burping changing a dittee or two. saving a tear as they all drive away Dad and I walking back up the steps holding hands and saying how good they all are.

 A simple woman sitting  here with her Saturday Blues. Instead I sit alone with my husband of nearly thirty years gone to bed at 7:30  who some days doesn’t know who I am or how to get  from point a to point b alone. A man so angry and frustrated and plain old tired with a mind losing more each day a body breaking down more and more a man that has always stood tall, broad shouldered with a twinkle in his eye a smile on his face and a love so pure  for me that it took my breath away. A man gone from all but in my mind and  in my heart. God I need a miracle I cannot lie I am so afraid. Not of being alone just being lost without him. A simple woman sitting  here with her Saturday Blues, remembering other Saturday nights with him. Now this simple woman sits here knowing Sunday is tomorrow and no children or there babes will be here for dinner or even  just a visit. No new babes to rock with a  coo or giggle.  A simple woman sitting here with her Saturday Blues, remembering other Saturday nights with him. Just the two of us alone and trying so hard to hold on. With those few small precious moments when he reaches across the chair and takes my hand and says “I love you” then I know for a brief time he remembers and feels and that twinkle is back in his eyes the smile that lights up his face and he is my hero again, my rock , my world my best friend.

STANDING AT THE CROSSROADS

Upon this gravel path I am standing at the crossroads of my life’s beginning Decisions precision A must.. for death beckons Standing at the crossroads Upon this gravel path.
KEYS

The midwife handed thee a shimmering key

saying thy girl child will face two doors 
in life
 
Thru one is a life of pleasure and ease as a Bankers wife
The other is a life filled with hard times, dark clouds and strife
 
Ye cannot guide her for ye shall not know
which is the  door to a wealthy life
or which shall be a walk on the other side
 
But know ye this misses, which path thy
child walks, around thy neck the key must be
Til thee child is called home by the leaves of the
oak tree then thy child must face thy final
door and hold the key no more.

 

WHAT WAS DONE …WAS DONE
Strolling through the park with it’s leaf strewn paths winding and wandering among the trees of oak, elm, linden and more.Not thinking of anything or anyone in particular just wandering thoughts enjoying the quiet and the beauty of nature.She was aware of her surroundings…. her heart began to race as footsteps raced behind her. Then they were passing her now where did that fear come from she thought.Continuing her stroll along the path until she came to the lake, where geese and ducks swam waiting for popcorn or bread tossed by children.Resting on a  bench and watching the children on the playground with shouts and screams of joy, Mothers or nannies nearby to aid if needed.Time passed without realizing it lost in thought of nothingness it had been this way since the doctors report. Hard to wrap your mind around something like this when your alone, not even a best friend or even a casual girlfriend to call. such is the solitary life she chose and now, now she knows what all the years of aloneness cost her in the end.For that is what it is for her the end, end of a lifetime. Stage four terminal, forty~four years of life, seems four is her lucky number, should she play the lotto? If she won what would she do travel, chase a cure, leave it to who or what? Cancer research maybe, wouldn’t that be a hoot.Laid to rest what was left of her cancer ravaged body, no one but the mortuary attendant and the burial crew to even say a pray. the doctor attended briefly just long to say it was a shame  she could have had treatment that would have given another five to seven years but she refused said what was done was done. She requested that to be inscribed on a very small stone her name : Juliette Edwina Jefferson May 4th, 1950 ~ May 9th, 1994 “WHAT WAS DONE WAS DONE”
LIVED…HELL ON EARTH
PAIN WORRY WORK FELT THIS WAY  ENTIRE LIFE OR AS LONG AS MEMORY SERVES. HELL ON EARTH  LIVED MOLESTATION RAPE OUT OF WEDLOCK CHILDREN VERBAL AND  PHYSICAL  BEAT DOWNS  MAN AFTER MAN JOB AFTER JOB SLIM EXISTENCE HELL ON EARTH LIVED DRUGS, PROSTITUTION GETTING STRAIGHT AND CLEAN HELL ON EARTH LIVED NOW ON HER DEATH BED THEY ALL GATHER LIKE THE VULTURES THEY TURNED  OUT TO BE.  HELL ON EARTH WILL BE THEIR LIVES WHEN THEY SEE  SHE GAVE IT ALL TO CHARITY!
Of A Woman Tis Secret Strength  hidden in her heart Where the love for family, husband and children reside First she must realize to gain strength come pains part Tis where the Heavenly Father placed faith inside, deep in her heart, her heart Tis Secret Strength she must show when pain she overcomes The Heavenly Fathers Faith will see her through when each day is done.
MY EVIL
I’ve listened to others many times offering advice, some from experience some just offering fake words while secretly laughing at my weakness, my pain. Some offer up The Good Book and the prayers too. If they only knew the real me they would be looking for an exorcist for I feel hatred and evil must dwell within. For every step forward, for every black cloud for every dramatic situation or catastrophe I know it is punishment for something Done in this life or past. When will my soul be complete? When will my heart not ache? When will my debt be paid? When does the soul just say that enough is enough  and check out? When does the heart finally say I will ache no more? When do the tears stop When does happiness arise the answer is NEVER never no debt paid no soul complete no heart to heal for evil, darkness and hurt reside trapped within trapped inside
PULSATING
take my hand and lead me to the room above pretend I am your true love send my throbbing pulses skyward kiss me as my blood rushes in heated anticipation send me skyward like fireworks on new years eve then tiptoe while I sleep and take your leave
THE DRUNK 
She lay in the bed listening to him mumble and slur the conversation he was having with himself in the other room. He had been drinking all afternoon while she was at work and he was supposed to be taking care of his sons. She doesn’t know how much more she can take, this is getting so old, he drinks, they fight the boys get upset and  the circle just continues. She can’t call her mom, as much as she would like to: that would just make her worry more than she does already.Oh God he’s coming in here please let him just pass out please God. He throws back the door and it slams against the wall. He looks at her with his drunk eyes and smiles , is smile more like a sneer. Falling across the bed he reaches for her breast  with one hand  trying to unzip his pants with the other. She knows from past experience not to protest or she’ll end up hurt . Lying as still as possible trying to breath quietly so as not to upset him, praying “God please protect me” he moves a little closer and then  oh thank you Jesus he is snoring …just like that!She knows it won’t be much longer and she will be able to get away, this is her last year of nursing school then she will be able to get a position anywhere away from him.  She lifts his hand off of her breast and slowly quietly moves away from him. She takes her pillow and a blanket to the sofa ….now now she can rest.

OXY She moans in her sleep ..hurting ..going to be bruises crying out she wakes herself and he raises up ..looks at her WHAT? hurting she whispers need something for pain. You just want a drink he says no Im hurting need some Tylenol Ah Hell I’ll go get you something, he slams out the door she hears the engine roar ..can’t wait to leave tomorrow to have some quiet time. She lays back down  and dozes he wakens her saying this is all I could get ..what she asks oxy he replies as he hands her soda to wash it down. she quietens and he goes back to sleep…he wakens as the alarm goes off ..reaches for her damn she’s cold OH MY GOD OH MY GOD NO NO  NOOOOOO

EMOTION Heart Mind …. Twisted Heart …ache…hurt…empty Mind…. unbelieving Heart…lost…cold…dropping Mind ….confused Heart….sick…broke….racing Mind….thinking Heart Mind…. Wrenching

GOD PAINTED A RAINBOW Chill in the morning air has turned leaves many hues late summer blooming flowers are dipping from touch of frost green grass slows growing and becomes dormant ecru and brown Children visit pumpkin patches for just the right jack~o~lantern Biting into crunchy apples running with sweet juices Bon~fires roaring heading off the chill Falls beauty is upon us grateful we should be For God has painted this rainbow for you and me.

ANSWER Just want to run and hide from the world From myself, hide from myself feelings so intense so so strong they take my  breath away  Heart full of sadness and dread , yes dread but of what? Is there an answer somewhere I don’t know read the Good Book, pray… Christian right left and in between, answer please Write, cry , dream, curse and scream no relief The heart is heavy turned to stone Dread and sadness , answer is I am alone

. ALTER  Standing at the alter of prayer surrounded by dirt, stone, air sins revealed in this long night forgiveness asked not yet right penance must be paid can’t use body as a trade mire of drugs I did wade alcohol made its introduction mind reveled in abduction Standing at the alter of prayer surrounded by dirt, stone, air cheeks now shine wet with tears ..regret forgiveness comes in a swell baptism water at the well Jesus Saves  the chorus sings as angels place the halo ring

SIGHT She misses the bright colors of fall Springs blossoming bouquets Distinguishing features of loved ones The print is smaller now, the words a blur glasses on the nose, eyes squinting bare inches from the screen how much longer can she last she asks as her world turns gray  Lord help her to see the beauty in each day to remember when the light turns out you will guide her through her darkest days

FALL INTO LOVE The hayride and bonfire before them coerced into attending by well meaning family or friends Glancing across the fire on that chilly October night he took her heart hostage that night with one long look. He claimed all these years she spirited his away as well with her beautiful smile. Fifty-four years later on this crisp frosty October night she held his hand, snuggled close on the old iron bed He telling her again his love for her, remembering the night much like this one and how they had met, with a deep sigh of content pulling the frayed quilt over their shoulders up to their chins, they closed their eyes to love and dream of their Fall into love.

SHEDDING TEARS To shed tears..good for the soul washing the heart of sorrow for a brief time ..til the morrow Each day we weep  is one we keep stored in the mind, memories lined with pictures of you and I . Walks on the beach, hikes thru woods farmers markets, good food donuts and papers in bed Showers shared , no part spared. One day  I woke and you were gone. to shed tears…good for the soul washing the heart of sorrow for a brief time.. til the morrow.

Carved in the wall are these words: “I believe in the sun, even though it doesn’t shine, I believe in love, even when it isn’t shown. I believe in God, even when he doesn’t speak.” She gazed upon these truths for such a long time reading them over and over. Wondering how someone in this situation could still believe Did they get out were they able to leave the horror behind? She would like to think so. Her gram on mothers side did but she lost so much coming here. She watched as first her husband was dragged away then three of her four children, to be raped, sold or killed. She only speaks of them with love but spits on the ground when talking about getting out and the people who took her family. She arrived on American soil with one suitcase and one daughter Now she owns a chain of jewelry stores and has only me a granddaughter left. My mother and father killed in a mine explosion in South Africa. Standing here looking still imagining the bony bent fingers that worked so dilligently to carve these words with a stone from the rough ground. Sunlight through the cracks of the walls the only light here in this god-forsaken place. This kind of faith she has never had but maybe now like gram said seeing where my people had suffered and died would give her answers. She found today that her faith had been restored by these words carved in the concentration camp wall. “I believe in the sun, even though it doesn’t shine, I believe in love, even when it isn’t shown, I believe in God, even when he doesn’t speak.”

PEACE Searching my soul, mind and heart there is missing in each a part Peace, Harmony and Balance My heart was  ripped out, stomped on , bruised , cold and hard My mind in turmoil trying to care for everyone My soul must learn to forgive or Peace and  Tranquility will forever leave me  forget the past forgive all souls down to the last then peace, Tranquility and Love will be mine

AUTUMN Blushing dawn, waking the sky warm light piercing through gossamer clouds,as the suns rays penetrate and reflect on multi-hued leaves as they drift and spatter as Gods paintbrush colors His canvas …earth.

I want to dance I miss dancing the beat of the music makes my feet itch I loved to swing-dance line dance too, oldies a few the jitterbug, the stroll nothing like dancing to old time rock n roll. 70’s we had the bump, hustle James Brown  slide and funky monkey too oh how I miss the dance many wanted the romance me I just wanted the chance to hustle my boog-a-loo

WINE hey girlfriend grab those glasses I have a wine bottle full lets talk about life..drink..laugh cry walk memory lane in flashes tell our secrets.. loves..worries play the oldies .. dance remember when play what-if and wonder if by chance lets make a toast to new memories as we stroll the old our memories of gold

THE YEARS Watching the memories tossed here and there Garage Sale prices paid for well loved things Didn’t realize the sorrow it would bring The love and nurturing that went into each piece auctioned away at bargain basement prices our beautiful memories cut into slices With tears in their eyes our children watched my heart too broken to see them wrenched There is no way to explain.. to answer their query For we must do what is best for our winter years and take care of ourselves.. even through our own tears

MY GARDEN hummingbirds on lightning wings sipping of the garden nectar busy bees pollinating mother earth rejuvenating leaves turned up anxious for a sip of earths nectar from the clouds as monarchs make their rounds.

child of my womb anger built beyond reason every year in your season stabbing my heart in hurt and fear black hateful eyes staring voice screaming lies spittle flying profanity glaring child of my womb why hate me so

PATHS Traveling through the memories of my mind revisiting paths chosen right, wrong or mistaken many twisted many walked many to unwind walking through these memories of many years wondering why so many traveled in such a way some accompanied some alone Schwinn bike with training wheels two cards clothes pinned to the spokes first car ..check the gas fill the oil Kaw 125 until my nerve awoke Sportster wind blowing hair free growl of the engine echoing from the trees back turned on lifestyle married young first child walking unknown path of parenthood grandchildren the path of rebirth of my soul forgetting to be old discovery of beauty and wonder God’s Creation now a new path one filled with wrath loss of first child mind gone wild six decades many twisted many walked too many to unwind traveling through the memories of my mind too tired to walk any more.

SING My heart is still Yet I sing at will I let my voice soar far and wide Casting to the winds My heart so bare I sing to share My song of Joy My song of Pain Sing of lonely times Moonlit nights Rain and sun When life is done Yet I sing at will I let my voice soar

WORLD OF BLACK burnt so many times  they must think I’m a chimney stack No more no more I cry but  they see not a tear, they smile at thy stricken face white as  a  piece of lace. told my place shown my face paid by the cut of their tongue pierced heart pierced lung their so called love I have flung I can not take it back

ALONE sittin on the front porch..rocking red dirt rolling waving at the passer bys spit the dust near bare feet long drink to wet the mouth wiping lips with spotted wrinkled hand expecting no one not lonely.. alone reads the good book as the flies buzz feeling the heat of the day on cold bones praying for the world and children that have forgotten her sittin on the front porch rocking talking to those gone before her saying I’m in no hurry as she pets the old dog on her lap sun setting now time to go in sit in the kitchen in her old rocking chair expecting no one not lonely…alone  

LIFE SEASONS Have traveled many miles  these sixty plus years some with laughter and joy.. a lot of tears Youth was my Spring Babies my Summer Contentment my Fall Now Winter is upon me I shall dance the dance listen to the Music God provides for my soul waiting for the next chapter He has written and the next winding path..

JAILBAIT The three skinny girls walking around the block just to get out nowhere truly bound. Hair teased, sprayed, make up on maybe too thick, short skirts donned showing skinny spidery long legs talking school girl crushes none like fathers the lushes secretly dreaming of tv family some day theirs will be Boys drive by oohhh uniforms older boys they look at each other the car slowing down pulls over to talk 2 girls get in the car as the other walks back home how old are you one man asks 18 uh 13 uh 14 my next birthday the other does not speak It is dark mother yelling at drunken father ‘ something has happened’ she says calling her friends has only told her one of the other girls missing. Six days later girls are found funeral in 3 days. raped, stabbed, burnt with torch throat cut bruised bloody and dead!

THE GIG Too many days..nights on the bus too many fairs..rodeos..clubs too many miles far from home my soul needs to play the music my body my heart needs my woman hearing your voice when I call home Babe I love you…need you to wait for me babe don’t leave me don’t roam Can’t imagine my life any way but as your wife I’ll be here meeting that big ol bus when it pulls in…my heart in a rush seeing your tired face miles of roads and bridges etched for every 300 mile stretch between gigs feeling your arms around me lips on mine groans of comfort fitting together as we are meant to be driving home anxious to hold each other to gasp in the pleasure of our bodies so thirsty for expressions of love and passion showering the road dust from your body while caressing mine ..playing with the bubbles demanding food to satisfy the other hunger sleep peaceful peaceful restful sleep wrapped in each other passion rising even in our sleep so deep a week ..two ..a month studio work to keep you busy day trips in jeans and t-shirts sandle clad feet shopping for trinkets representing our love our silliness..giddiness..delight Oh the tears as I wave goodbye gone again for so long ..many miles between us loving the memories of how we felt together brings the smiles as I wait for the calls saying Babe I love you .. need you don’t leave me ..I’ll be home soon

I WALK…I TALK
I walk.. I talk.. I breathe therefore I am so why do I appear a non-entity?Words are the eyes into my soul where there are no lies.Music makes my heart sing fingers tap… feet dance til toe rings flingSilence soothes the mind music soothes the beast words open my soul God’s love makes me wholeMy courage comes from love My strength comes from faith My love comes from my children My children come from my LOVE , COURAGE, STRENGTH, FAITH.
WEARY
Weary from lack of rest
toss.. turn…roll
slumber evades the body
WEARY
Eyes close and body relaxes
exhaustion overtakes
within the hour body shakes
heart pulled from chest…
From deep within the depths of soul
come sobs  so hard they hurt the chest
keening keening keening
every muscle bone and tissue pulled taut
places long forgot
Nooo noooo noooo
reliving through the keening
and the sobs….but this time

there are no tears…….

I walk.. I talk..
I walk.. I talk.. I breathe
therefore I am
so why do I appear
a non-entity?
Words are the eyes
into my soul
where there are no lies.
Music makes my heart sing
fingers tap… feet dance
til toe rings fling
Silence soothes the mind
music soothes the beast
words open my soul
God’s love makes me whole.My courage comes from love
My strength comes from faith
My love comes from my children
My children come from my
LOVE , COURAGE, STRENGTH, FAITH.
 

A WALK Walking through the field of rich green grass smelling the wind its subtle scents of country ..livestock just faint enough to be crass I lay there in that tall grass disturbing a family of meadowlark playing the children’s game ‘Cloud looks like’ There! right there is Noah’s Ark and over there a three wheel trike My mind wanders through the years revisiting the good…bad… and fears so few came about’..those that did Oh those that did. Air so pure ..sun ummm  warm just close my eyes for a minute will do no harm Wake to the green smell of the wind

GOD’S LAST WORD Rolling thunder… dark clouds moving bringing sheets of rain bringing erosion the earth upon which we stand Mudslides, wildfires, earthquakes He has shown HIS  hand YOU have raped the land I gave you joyfully and in trust Now I do what I must Pestilence, Fire, Rain, Flood, The four horseman on their way gather thy staff and rod For I have spoken ..I AM GOD

MAN OF THE HOUSE Just once he’d like to speak knowing he’d be heard listened to.. not appearing weak he holds his frustration tight for fear of letting go wouldn’t make him right Alas, he lives with five women he’s just a little squeak to the ears of these damsels from six to forty years Man has no value in their pack Keeping their monies on track his innate ability all that’s needed to keep their wallets seeded

Sun is rising.. golden hues Delicate scent of the hyacinth wafting through. Birds awakening singing in tune

Sleep eludes thoughts intrude

Steeping tea Counting sheep Warm milk Not my ilk Arrrggghhh!

If you are in Texas among the sage brush and Bluebonnets you can’t go dancing without your cowboy boots. There’s a law that says  you must say y’all, wear boots love Bluebonnets, BBQ,, Dallas Cheerleaders and of course the Cowboys. Those on the field and those that cowboy on a ranch or farm. Living in Texas you must boot scoot, two-step and waltz, You have to dosey-doe and  promenade.  You must love  Bob Wills, Waylon, Willie, Johnny and  Kris. you must  drive a pick up truck or a Cadillac with steer horns. Big belt buckles and attend the fair and rodeo. Stereotyping??? of course it is !  Isn’t it funny  how easy it is to do?  We all do it daily and we never even realize it, so stop and think before you make a judgement about someone no matter where they are from or been, the color of their skin or the  beliefs they may have. Don’t stereotype because of how they dress or music they sing or the way they talk. We are all God’s Children and we all bleed red

Cleaning Day

Today is a day for cleaning against which I am leaning I will dust and polish sweep and mop, chase the dust bunnies as they hop Vacuum  and straighten laundry in, laundry out fold and put away Oh my what a day! Run to market, ingredients forgotten or else dinner will taste rotten Greet family as they come in dropping book bags, shoes of cotton briefcases and keys and as we pass the peas… I am asked what did you do today I begin to turn red, snort and wheeze!

HAVE YOU SEEN ME?

Have you seen me  I know I used to be I entered rooms to gasps At the Beauty I used to be I see shoes on my  feet I know I was once sweet I see ribbons of highways I have passed many days I gave birth to babies I wait now for visits and maybe I have thoughts in my head Some make me think some make me  see red I have voices in my head They dare me to tread One more unknown path Facing God’s wrath One look in the mirror  no face do I see Have you seen me I know I used to be.

BROKEN HEART

Propped against the vase on the table a lilac colored envelope Handwritten single page Where were you when you broke my heart? Did you hear it shatter like a crystal flute Did you see the black cloud from the sky drop over the shards? Clothes gone from the closet brush gone from vanity perfume given for anniversary solitary bottle now in pieces along with the mirror Where were you when you broke my heart? Did you hear it scream in agony? Hear my tears fall like the rain? Where were you when you broke my heart?

GRAFFITI

Graffiti covered walls, eyes behold viewed through  colored glasses Awash now in the multi-hued reds of sunsets and roses.

LIVED HELL ON EARTH
PAIN WORRY WORK FELT THIS WAY  ENTIRE LIFE OR AS LONG AS MEMORY SERVES. HELL ON EARTH  LIVED MOLESTATION RAPE OUT OF WEDLOCK CHILDREN VERBAL AND  PHYSICAL  BEAT DOWNS  MAN AFTER MAN JOB AFTER JOB SLIM EXISTENCE HELL ON EARTH LIVED DRUGS, PROSTITUTION GETTING STRAIGHT AND CLEAN HELL ON EARTH LIVED NOW ON HER DEATH BED THEY ALL GATHER LIKE THE VULTURES THEY TURNED  OUT TO BE.  HELL ON EARTH WILL BE THEIR LIVES WHEN THEY SEE  SHE GAVE IT ALL TO CHARITY!
MEMORIES

Her footsteps echo as she walks from room to room Memories assailing her mind and heart faster than her brain can comprehend all at once The tears are streaming down her cheeks in sadness and loneliness. After her children were grown and gone she loved and nurtured this house  as if it were a child. Now it is empty and the memories, well they reside in her heart for her to open and remember at anytime. God lived here too and He will go with her wherever she goes now.

The house is empty, heart is full, memories close.

MY MUSE
I have loved and been loved I have hated and been hated I have given and been takenI have drugged myself to sleep I have woken with a scream I have gotten drunk to weepI can not play music I can not sing I can not danceBut I can love I can hate I can take I can useI can not write poetry for I have lost my muse.
HEARTS
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Hearts of flesh, hearts of stone Hearts given quickly end up alone Hearts full of love and caring Hearts flirty and daring Hearts all a flutter Hearts can melt like butterHearts CAN break Hearts WILL break
PRETENSE
Tired of putting up the front Pretending all is well, when the impression, the depression significant in understanding the evil treading within echoes in my head recognized by others while I believed pure of heart I’ve taken life murder one by right of choice murder two for mercy was that the wickedness seen by others I do not know
Trauma has followed me all my life
MOMMY’S MAD AGAIN

There are no tears on her face , for she knows if mommy sees tears she will hit her again Mommy she thinks, I didn’t mean to make you mad I tried so hard to be quiet. I know your friends visit  and sleep in your room at night. You said they don’t like little girls but sometimes when they come out of your room at night they come to mine.  Mommy , Mommy I cry I don’t like this Mommy it hurts make him stop. but you never come. and he puts his nasty hand on my mouth shhhh he says.  then he slaps me like you do mommy.  Mommy where’s my Daddy will he hit me too? Mommy does Daddy love me like you say you do?  Mommy I am so afraid I don’t know why you really hate me so, I try so hard to do whats right Mommy please love me just a little and don’t hit me no more.  I don’t mind when you leave me here alone  even when you tie me to my chair but when I have to wet you get so mad and hit me when you get home. Why Mommy why?  Mommy I’m a good girl, I know I am , I keep my room clean I make your breakfast and mine, I pick up clothes and toys, I do the dishes and  try to stay out of your way. Mommy why can’t you love me like I love you?  Mommy please don’t, mommy please stop, I didn’t mean to spill my water  mommy please  ahhhhh mommy plllleeeaasseee 

FAMILY TREE
Tree roots planted deep drinking mother natures nutrients from the soil thickening bark to protect against life’s turmoil branches rise seeking sun learn to bend and sway new buds clinging as if to mothers hand  so brave til autumn winds cause to fall , leaves of multicolor hue new life arriving in buds to see , perhaps a new branch one for you and for me.
******
RAINBOW OF LOVE

I WAITED FOR YOU NEXT TO NATURE YOU WAITED FOR ME IN THE STARS THE AUTUMN MOON STOOD BETWEEN LIGHTING THE PATH FOR US TO JOIN CLOUDS BECAME OUR STEPPING STONES UP AND DOWN GODS RAINBOW OF LOVE

HEART
Heart Mind …. Twisted Heart …ache…hurt…empty Mind…. unbelieving Heart…lost…cold…dropping Mind ….confused Heart….sick…broke….racing Mind….thinking  Heart Mind…. Wrenching
SELF-PITY
i too wallow in the self-pity pool i thought that was the rule when life keeps kicking you down you get back up , you try and try to get it right ..again, then you cry what’s the use. those you love are  going to do it they are saying your trippin, your crazy so many times and feeling alone,  beaten, kicked like a dog. Words you speak they tweak to fit their idea of what you said so pity yes for myself yes I’ll stay that way until I’m dead.
BLACK WORLD
A gray world most times black burnt so many times  they must think I’m a chimney stack No more no more I cry but  they see not a tear, they smile at thy stricken face white as  a  piece of lace. told my place shown my face paid by the cut of their tongue pierced heart pierced lung their so called love I have flung I can not take it back
LOSING SIGHT
The print is smaller now, the words a blur glasses on the nose, eyes squinting bare inches from the screen how much longer can she last  before her world turns gray Lord help her to see the beauty in each day to remember when the light turns out you will guide her through her darkest days .
BETWEEN HER THIGHS

HE OPENS HIS MOUTH TO SPEW FORTH LIES

HE BERATES WITH NO CARE FOR THE CRIES
THE BROKEN SKIN, THE BLACKENED EYES
  WANTS HER MONEY AND BETWEEN HER THIGHS
 
HE YELLS, SHE SCREAMS, CHILDREN HAVE BAD DREAMS
HE HITS, HE KICKS, HE BREAKS A BONE
WHO CARES SHE’S LIKE A DRONE
WANTS HER MONEY AND BETWEEN HER THIGHS.
 
 
 
SHE  LIES  IN BED TOO  BRUISED AND BATTERED TO MOVE
CHILDREN  HIDE IN THEIR ROOM WITH  BOX OF DRY CEREAL
KEEP QUIET  DRAW NO ATTENTION, AVOID  FLOOR WHERE IT SQUEAKS
SNEAK INTO MOMMAS ROOM ONCE IN A WHILE TO PEEK
SHE CAN BARELY LIFT A HAND TO STROKE THEIR CHEEK
WANTS HER MONEY AND BETWEEN HER THIGHS
 
SHE LIES THERE ON THEIR MARITAL BED OF ALL THESE YEARS
THE ONE SHE HAS MADE DAILY THROUGH ALL THE TEARS
MAKING HER PLANS  FROM THIS BED HE WON’T RISE
WANTS HER MONEY AND BETWEEN HER THIGHS
 
HE SCREAMS FOR HIS MEAL TO BE SERVED
OH YES SHE THINKS ..THIS YOU DESERVE
HE SEEMS SURPRISED SHE HANDS HIM A BEER
PATS HER ASS SAYS WHAT A DEAR
WANTS HER MONEY AND BETWEEN HER THIGHS
 
SHE ENCOURAGES HIM TO EAT AND DRINK
AS SHE JOINS HIM , NERVES ON THE BRINK
GIVES HIM A LITTLE PAT AND A WINK
AFTER THE MEAL  NODS TOWARD THE BEDROOM
SHE HAS TO GET PAST HIS STINK
WANTS HER MONEY AND BETWEEN HER THIGHS
 
CORONER PRONOUNCES THERE ON THE MARITAL BED OF ALL THESE YEARS
WHILE SHE CRIES AND CRIES,  RELIEF NOT GRIEF BEHIND THE TEARS
SORRY FOR YOUR LOSS MA’AM LOOKS LIKE OVERDOSE WITH PILLS AND ALCOHOL. 
HE DIED HAPPY WITH HER MONEY  AND BETWEEN HER THIGHS.
WEARY
Weary from lack of rest
toss.. turn…roll
slumber evades the body
Eyes close and body relaxes
exhaustion overtakes
within the hour body shakes
heart pulled from chest…
From deep within the depths of soul
come sobs  so hard they hurt the chest
keening keening keening
every muscle bone and tissue pulled taut
places long forgot
Nooo noooo noooo
reliving through the keening
and the sobs….but this time
there are no tears…….

A WALK Walking through the field of rich green grass smelling the wind its subtle scents of country ..livestock just faint enough to be crass I lay there in that tall grass disturbing a family of meadowlark playing the children’s game ‘Cloud looks like’ There! right there is Noah’s Ark and over there a three wheel trike My mind wanders through the years revisiting the good..bad… and fears so few came about..those that did Oh those that did. Air so pure ..sun ummm  warm just close my eyes for a minute will do no harm Wake to the green smell of the wind

sun lowering itself behind the earth golden orange yellow rays shooting out over the horizon Pushing these old bones up from the soft hollow in the grass Hating to leave knowing he will come if she doesn’t get home soon On the pond stands a loon waiting for silver flashing from a fish….. The lowing of the cattle Sound of a canoe with paddle Life continues city or country Living rich or paltry Love survives..pain endured Encompassing all.. rest assured

 

MAN OF THE HOUSE Just once he’d like to speak knowing he’d be heard listened to.. not appearing weak he holds his frustration tight for fear of letting go wouldn’t make him right Alas, he lives with five women he’s just a little squeak to the ears of these damsels from six to forty years Man has no value in their pack Keeping their monies on track his innate ability all that’s needed to keep their wallets seeded GRIEF I LAUGH AS I SAT THERE CHATTING WITH VISITORS INSIDE I AM SCREAMING GO PLEASE JUST GO AWAY I WANT TO BE ALONE, CRY AND SCREAM AND PRAY NO ONE TO TALK TO THAT KNEW YOU OR THOSE THAT SAY IT’S OK YOU’LL GET OVER IT NO, NO, YOU DON’T EVER I’M NOT STUPID I KNOW YOUR JUST TRYING TO PACIFY ME, PAT MY SHOULDER PHONY HUGS HEAVY HEART, HEAVY, HEAVY PHYSICAL BODY, LORD THE SADNESS IN MY HEART I LAUGH… I SMILE, I CHAT, LOOK INTO MY EYES DO YOU SEE THE TEARS, THE SADNESS, THE DEAD SOUL. YOU SEE WHAT YOU WANT, WHATS EASY FOR YOU TO DO OR SAY TOO AFRAID TO BUSY TOO REALLY SEE WHO I AM NOW OR WHAT I NEED 12 WEEKS HAVE PASSED NO ONE SAYS YOUR NAME TO ME JUST REMEMBER THE GOOD TIMES THATS WHAT THEY SAY WHEN I WANT TO SPEAK YOUR NAME. I AM SO ALONE IN MY GRIEF , I AM SO TIRED IN MY GRIEF.. I JUST WANT TO TALK ABOUT YOU.

*****HAIKU Sun is rising.. golden hues Delicate scent of the hyacinth wafting through. Birds awakening singing in tune

PAIN OF GLASS DON’T touch me for if you do I will shatter as a pain of glass my tears will start they won’t stop the pain inside is so great it’s all that matters I can’t breathe, the chain of heartache so great squeezing.. squeezing the life from me please God take me, for I can no longer wait Open heavens gate let me in give me the release from this fragile state For if I am touched I will shatter as a pain of glass and there is no one to pick up the pieces.Touch me not, I will as a pain of glass ~shatter Tears are flowing unable to cease Pane felt all consuming ~ no decrease Chains wrapped about me Squeezing lifes breath from me Giving up God take me end this pane Release me from this fragile state Touched I will shatter No one else to pick up the Pieces of me.

@copyright 2011~2013 Len Williams~Carver

candle in the window year after year the candle stood in the window guiding you home to the ones that loved you. our hearts filled with anxiety until your arrival turning in the drive I would whisper “thank you Lord” now the candle in the window has been replaced by a black wreath and your picture the anxiety now is only for the “why why Lord” love in my heart for you still and for ever a longing that flares like the flame of that old candle to embrace you again just one more time to feel your sweet breath upon my cheek your arms around me once more bittersweet memories for now your gone as the flame on that ol’candle now gone and cold

MADNESS huddled in the corner staring at the crack of light in the door hearing the shuffle of slippered feet rustle of scrubs moving quickly slippered feet shuffling in retreat whispered voices heard not understoodwho am I why am I here? it’s dark here huddled in the corner be very quiet in the night Oh something moving again not right the injection is given the spiral needle I named for now I can spin and sing spin and sing take flight with golden wings

LIFE SEASONS I have traveled many miles  these sixty plus years some with laughter and joy.. a lot of tears Youth was my Spring Babies my Summer Contentment my Fall Now Winter is upon me I shall dance the dance listen to the Music God provides for my soul waiting for the next chapter He has written and the next winding path..

TOO YOUNG strolling in the park holding hands making lifetime plans too young they say tell him to stay away my heart won’t.. can’t he’s my mate for life I will be his wife years later our children bring our grandchildren saying Gram..Pop meet my life mate too young we say tell them to stay away.  

SHE She awoke this morning, sun shining through the window, stared hard  in the mirror, something flitted across her mind. No one there to see her wake, No one to share a smile , if, when she does  feel like, her days are all worth while. She went into work today, remotely, blindly, by rote she looked at plans for tomorrow, and is sad realizing nobody calls, no one cares. She got on the bus to go home today, someones  stereo played a song, it reminded her of you, and how hurtful it is you’re gone. She called  a friend tonight, smiled and wore a brave face, when the friend had no time to listen, for all she really wants in life, is to have you in this place. She gets a depressed feeling, one which won’t disappear, what’s the point in all of this? what’s the point of being here? She tried to sleep that night, tried to prepare for work ahead, what is the use when your not there down the hall and in your bed.

HE He knew it would rain most of the day As if a spirit on thin strings of water Was lowering a bucket down To wash the earth clean of it’s sins Dawn blushed as awakening by the sun Day break whispers in gentle voice Awake, awake a new day is born He rolled over to the side of his bed Reaching for his early morning wine.

randomness
My tears like raindrops Each drop brings the chill Teardrops become rain
HAIKU Mother Earth is wet from rain Morning sun will warm Plants grow forth with morning rain
RAIN Rain batters on my old tin roof Steady sound in precise rhythm Like the ticking of old alarm clocks it lulls my mind to ease and sleep The constant rhythm of Lightning strikes like cymbals Crashing in the sky Lightning strikes like cymbals crashing in the sky Tis music to my ear The repetition of the rain like angels singing in the air The soothing sound of rain on the old tin roof washing away he dirt and grime of winter time soothes the soul and calms the mind as it works through the night Upon the light of morn when all is refreshed amid air  so clean the earth soft and silent I sit at my window pane watching late rivulets stream
SHATTERED EARTH
leaves of the willow rustled against the window the sound of the mocking bird whining as the dog sunlight sparkles through the window reflecting mirror on the dresser as she gazes at herself..the wrinkles about her eyes and lips showing her age the constant bruises of long ago she still sees each time she leans closer in her mind’s eye she sees the briefcase thrown and the mirror shattered into tiny sparkling tear drops to match those upon her cheeks Shattered mirror, shattered heart, spirit and soul
Shattered earth by her shovel ..best rug used no more shattered mirrors, cheekbones or elbows as she hears the willow whispering its secret rustling against the window

IGNORED The windows  closed, drapery faded with dust and drawn to the  sights and sounds of the world No sound of wind blowing in, no sound of playing music out, no laughter heard just quiet sobbing. Where once fine china and crystal sat upon the table, now an earthen chipped and cracked bowl, filled with watery grains of sweetened rice and near clabbered milk, set for one A centerpiece of  bright yellow sunflowers now faded, wilted, the water rancid as they droop once where yellow and ivory roses stood erect and proud. Another day  of grieving for loves lost, of missing loves, of solitude A time others are around yet unable to see the heart the wish to be loved, needed and involved. Forgotten and left to ones own echoes of times and life long ago. Climbing into the marital bed late at night listening to the sounds of sleep from the one that no longer remembers who you are calling another’s name Grown children so afraid of their own loneliness they can’t see the wilted sunflower at the family table, see the wilted heart. your heart withering like the flowers

LONELY HOUSES Driving down the street today I notice all the lonely houses No curtains in the windows that empty dark eye, barred or boarded thick green ivy creeping up the sides embracing lonely houses. Lonely houses with many a story so silent now with only the mice and insects dwelling making their stories Where life once pulsed within the walls of family gathered at breakfast planning the day Coming home after a journey knowing this was home, heart and hearth. Yards of kept grass and gardens now overrun with tall grasses and weedy flowers Now lonely houses with tilting roofs and decks unpainted, worn, tired the empty lonely houses

A LIFE Age of maturity and beyond family, friends and home controlled by the bruised battered ten-year old girl lost inside told from day one she was unwanted a mistake no wonder her life is so screwed up

DRIFTING CLOUDS so many clouds drifting by like the man by my side wanting someone else he says what more can I do I plead ? as I watched his love drifting away each day he leaves a little earlier each night he comes home later then not at all. so many clouds drifting by like the children by my side growing up, leaving home what more can I do I plead? each one leaves a little earlier each night I shed my tears as I watch the clouds drift by

HAPPINESS Happiness an emotion shown by smiles, laughter and sometimes happy tears Some are happy all the time or in between fears Some never achieve that  euphoric state Learn and know only how to hate I believe happiness is there the day we are born Life and it’s circumstances erode happiness from our souls. I don’t trust happiness, I don’t trust Never have never will This I have accepted as my fate I am a quiet, lonely, dark person I wish I could change.  

DREAMS Watching the memories tossed here and there Garage Sale prices paid for well-loved things Didn’t realize the sorrow it would bring The love and nurturing that went into each piece auctioned away at bargain basement prices our beautiful memories cut into slices With tears in their eyes our children watched my heart too broken to see them wrenched There is no way to explain.. to answer their query For we must do what is best for our winter years even through our own heartache and  tears

GARDEN hummingbirds on lightning wings sipping of the garden nectar busy bees pollinating mother earth rejuvenating leaves turned up anxious for a sip of earths nectar from the clouds as monarchs make their rounds. ASYLUM huddled in the corner staring at the crack of light in the door hearing the shuffle of slippered feet rustle of scrubs moving quickly pairs of feet shuffling in retreat whispered voices heard not understood who am I why am I here? it’s dark here huddled in the corner be very quiet in the night Oh something moving again not right the injection is given the spiral needle I named for now I can spin and sing spin and sing take flight with golden wings happy in my world of the unknown keep me here please till God takes me home

CHEEKS COVERED My heart is aching today I feel so lost going this way a journey, a path, a country road I only know this burden is a heavy load One I don’t know can I  sanely carry Why Lord must in this life I  in sadness tarry through suffering and pain? my cheeks continually covered in tears like rain of  memories, grief and hopeless despair I only want to forget, I want back my joy Why Lord must emotions play like a toy? Grief, Lord grief…that is in my heart and soul I want to love, laugh and play not toil Lord, let me have the rest of my days Walking along gentle pathways.

STORM dark clouds rolling crashes of thunder bolts of lightning weatherman polling viewers report rushes of rain.. trees twisting outdoor furniture tumbling across the lawn stand there watching the dark before the dawn fear in the heart prayer in the mind ready to dart to the safe places please dear Lord keep up us safe family friends and children’s faces ~~~~~~

AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH! PRIMAL SCREAM ANGER DISBELIEF DEPRESSION HATE LOVE LONELY SCARED SCARRED PAIN CONFUSED WHY WHY WHY LOST TORN BLEEDING GONE HURT MAD EMPTY WHY WHY WHY TIME FAITH HURT PAIN GONE WHY WHY WHY ~~~~~~~ As a mime I sit unable to make sounds needed to spew forth the anger towards you Judge me judge me judge me why child of my womb why are you my judge Is that God’s plan for you your purpose in life judging me my words.. my thoughts that you believe you can read. words I do not speak you hear my heart.. my hurt..my joy..my pain you know these things to judge me judge me judge me judge me

BEAUTY BY OSMOSIS Looking at the beauty in her environment giving appreciative thanks to the maker She wonders why the beauty surrounding her cannot be acquired by osmosis into her soul…she feels ugly inside. Where once a gentle spirit dwelt, now pain, misery and sorrow live The ugly is not in her heart but in her mind where she cannot stop the swirling blackness that engulfs every atom of her being.

EBONY SPLENDOR~~~ Night has fallen in its ebony splendor Tiffany diamonds light the path to heavens door Lunar orb shines a golden glow Giving earths oceans their ebb ‘n flow.

PEACE~~~~~~~~ She sat on the cool dew dampened cushion sipping her coffee as the steam escaped listening to the quiet of early morn No longer able to sleep alone too many years together in that ocean bed She chuckles.. how after 15 years of a king he demanded a Queen as he was tired of chasing her across the bed. Oh the times they had in their years together weaving their families into one, loving all of the children the same wanting only the best for all. His later years  saddened by the way they forgot them and ‘didn’t care’ his heart grew bitter towards them but then he’d cry when he missed them so and couldn’t understand his children, his loves Oh Lord what a peaceful morning and here she is all melancholy missing him after all this time Remembering when she first noticed his slips in memory When he became lost 2 miles from home, when he couldn’t remember his faithful companion anymore. When he couldn’t remember her anymore. that hurts more than she ever thought it would. Won’t be long now they say he slips more and more each day. He lived his life they way he knew and wanted and she brought him happiness she knows. Someday she may write of how ‘The Outlaw stole the Lady’s heart’

COLORS OF LOVE
Blue black purple yellow and green colors in my mirror colors of your love colors of my love red red red blood flowing freely, bullet  ridden flesh smell of my own heat my own anger sound of sizzle in my depth  of love is now my freedom as cell door closes,  behind these bars there will be no more bruises no more cuts, no more fear no more anger no more you only my freedom behind cell doors.
~~~~
OPENING A SOUL
With a shaking, gnarled and wrinkled hand the old man wiped drool from the corners of his mouth then on his faded thread bare khaki pants raising his mouth harp to his now dry lips he begins to gently blow into the piece the deep bluesy notes echoing through  newly darkened sky Tears begin to roll down his leathery cheeks as he pushes forward the rusting tin can with his toeless work boot hoping his music would open a soul and a wallet
DEPRESSION So deep is the black spiraling abyss into the pits of hell of memories beginning with your kiss known so very well please leave my mind alone your betrayal more than I can stand leave me in my spiraling abyss into my pits of hell my memories ended with your kiss

A Piece of Your Mind Please

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