FAITH


TWAS the night before Jesus came and all through the house, not a creature was praying, not one in the house.
Their Bibles were lain on the shelf without care, in hopes that Jesus would not come there.
The children were dressing to crawl into bed, not once ever kneeling or bowing a head. And Mom in her rocker with baby on her lap was watching the Late Show while I took a nap.
When out of the East there arose such a clatter, I sprang to my feet to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash, tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear but angels proclaiming that Jesus was here.
With a light like the sun sending forth a bright ray I knew in a moment this must be THE DAY!
The light of His face made me cover my head; it was Jesus! returning just like He had said.
And though I possessed worldly wisdom and wealth, I cried when I saw Him in spite of myself.
In the Book of Life which He held in His hand was written the name of every saved man.
He spoke not a word as He searched for my name; When He said ” It’s not here” my head hung in shame.
The people whose names had been written with love he gathered to take to His Father above.
With those who were ready He rose without a sound while all the rest were left standing around.
I fell to my knees, but it was too late; I had waited too long and thus sealed my fate.
I stood and I cried as they rose out of sight: oh if only I had been ready tonight.
In the words of this poem the meaning is clear; The coming of Jesus is drawing near.
There’s only one life and when it comes the last call, we’ll find that the Bible was true after all!

HE IS HERE

The Lord’s presence here all around
His gift to us blessings abound
In the sun that gives us light
Rain upon a pane of glass
A soft wind through the grass
An hour glass with sands of time
Gods benevolence dances on this earth

Listen for Gods voice, His music is here
In the caw of the Crow
Whip of the Whippoorwill
The bark of a dog when too near
The quack of ducks all in a row
Gods’ dance and music are all around
Open eyes to see and ears to hear
Stars to light the nights sky
Rippling water in a brook
The graceful wings of butterflies
An author’s story in a book

copyright 2013 LWC/myownheart.me

You have many masks and hats to wear, not necessarily proud of all but they are there.

There is the face looked at in the mirror and think not bad for an oldie, a few wrinkles, a head of gray and pleasingly plump. Oh sure there are things to change, should it be chosen …don’t know why haven’t, is there no want to?
Then there is a happy face, the one presented 95% of the time to the public and to family, the stoic member of the family.
Then there is the real person the one that has the furrowed brow, the down-turned mouth with the parenthesis lines on each side of the chin.
You can apply tons of makeup of every color and hue but the inside of you never changes. You can color hair and lose or gain weight yet you are still you.
Not a perfect face, not really pretty, no high cheekbones or voluptuous lips.
You are … you.
You can be a  Christian… or not
A worrier… a calm in the storm
A wife or husband, lover, friend, co worker
A parent, grandparent, sibling and more
YOU, YOU  are so much more than all the labels.
Do you know who you truly are?
You are an at fault human being
You are worthy
You are insecure
you are  fearful of this life
You have issues like everyone else….

Your many faces can be painted up or stripped bare
You are who you are.

I walk in the shadow of pain mountain

I walk to the mountain entrance of sin

I walk with a heavy unknowing heart

I walk towards forgiveness I can not feel

I walk towards the Holy Spirit and He forsakes me

I walk in prayer vigilantly, does He hear

I pray the mountain of pain away
I do not enter the sin
My heart still burdened but lighter
I beg forgiveness, can I forgive myself
I can’t give in to the Spirit
I have ears but I do not Hear.

God do not forsake me, forgive me, lift the burdens,
break the chains that bind me to this earth and the
worldly heart.

Lift my arms to honor you
tears on my cheeks in supplication
Prayers of thanksgiving
Sing your praises
Come into my heart and make me whole
~~~This journey I am on, the one where I am walking with Jesus,
It has become so much bigger than I ever imagined
My life’s journey before I began walking with Jesus
left me feeling like I was lighting a candle to find the sun.
Now the sun shines in my heart, mind and soul
I am whole, I am worthy, I believe  with every fiber of
my being.
I get upset that I can not learn quick enough
Yet so much is coming back from teachings
I received  as a child. Books of the Bible,
verses, who begat who, that sort of knowledge
that I truly believed I had forgotten.
But oh this newbie has so much further to go
in this walk and always will I am sure. |
PROMISES

GOD did not promise HE would not love us,
HE promised undying love
HE did not say blue skies forever, HE gave us clouds too.
HE did not say rose colored paths to walk
HE gave us  beauty in HIS flowers and trees
HE did not give us sun without the rain

HE did promise rest for the weary
HE promised help from up above
HE said trials with Grace
HE promised strength for each day


~~~
Climbing The Mountain

Kneeling On Both Knees

Tears Uncontained

Splintered Weathered Cross

Blood Stained Beams Glossed

Thorns Embedded Above

Proof Of The Fathers Love                                                                                                                     Jesus With Nail : Christ crucified Stock Photo

Rising From Knees Gone Weak

Spirit Sad, Very Bleak

Touching Blood Stains Of

His Feet

Power Of The Blood Showers

Forgiveness, Gratitude Surround

Spirit Sings, Dances, Declares
Hallelujah Hallelujah 
 Hallelujah

~~~~
Not to long ago faith left me completely; an event took place that shattered me to the core of being. After the initial shock many a day and night I would go outside and look up at the sky and scream “I hate you God, how could you let this happen. Why Lord why Lord? I hate you God you are not real you’re a fake, your some freakish story, I hate you, I hate you” and oh so many other things.

Faith is wrought, heart so empty

Satan did tempt me, steal me whole

 Promises, wanting to take my soul

Something, someone, from the clouds

Screaming loud, “Stop He is real”

Blessings began, not now and then

One on top of another many

Answers to prayers from long ago

God’s love began to flow mercy, peace and grace

With an open heart I began to praise and thank Him

In spirit I fell to my face.

Your faith in God is strengthened as you walk through life’s troubles, trials and painful experiences, not weakened or destroyed. (1 Peter 4:12-13; James 1:2-4.)

Your service to others flows out of genuine love and concern for them, not from compulsion or a need to be recognized. You offer your service as a joy and a pleasure and not an obligation or a heavy burden. (Ephesians 6:6-7; Ephesians 2:8-10; Romans 12:10.)

You value and respect the unique differences and individual gifts of your brothers and sisters in Christ, rather than expecting conformity to one Christian standard. You appreciate and celebrate others’ gifts. (Romans 14; Romans 12:6; 1 Corinthians 12:4-31.)

You are able to give and receive trust and allow others to see you—and themselves—in a state of vulnerability and imperfection. You allow yourself and others the freedom to make mistakes. (1 Peter 3:8; Ephesians 4:2; Romans 14.)


~~~~
Chill in the morning air has turned leaves many hues

late summer blooming flowers are dipping from touch of frost
green grass slows growing and becomes dormant ecru and brown
Children visit pumpkin patches for just the right jack~o~lantern
Biting into crunchy apples running with sweet juices
Bonfires roaring heading off the chill
Falls beauty is upon us grateful we should be
For God has painted this rainbow for you and me.
~~~~~~
I’ve listened to others many times
offering advice, some from experience
some just offering fake words
while secretly laughing at my weakness,
my pain.
Some offer up The Good Book
and the prayers too.
If they only knew the real me
they would be looking for an exorcist
for I feel hatred and evil must dwell
within.
For every step forward, for every black cloud
for every dramatic situation or catastrophe
I know it is punishment for something
Done in this life or past.
When will my soul be complete?
When will my heart not ache?
When will my debt be paid?
When does the soul just say that
enough is enough  and check out?
When does the heart finally say
I will ache no more?
When do the tears stop
When does happiness arise
the answer is NEVER never
no debt paid no soul complete
no heart to heal
for evil, darkness and hurt reside
trapped within trapped inside
Tis Secret Strength  hidden in her heart
Where the love for family, husband and children reside
First she must realize to gain strength come pains part
Tis where the Heavenly Father placed faith inside, deep in her heart, her heart
Tis Secret Strength she must show when pain she overcomes
The Heavenly Fathers Faith will see her through when each day is done.
WHY ME LORD?
How many times in my life and you in yours asked this question? Generally we say it this way:  “why me lord?”  I believed for the longest time that He answered with “because you deserve it.” Now I know that wasn’t really God saying that to me, more like Satan, but I believed it, I truly believed because of all my sins I didn’t deserve God’s Love or forgiveness. Why would He want me to be part of His crowd?  Besides I wasn’t ready to be a “Bible thumpin, glory hallelujah person giving up friends and parties, the” worldly ways” as the Christians told it. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe there was a God, I just didn’t know Him and what I knew was just scary and not what my friends were into, why would I want to be different like that?
The more I fought with God  about what I was doing, the stronger the pull to Him then the devil would get in on it reminding me that I would lose sleep on my only day off if I went to church. Eventually God gets his way with us and I went to church with a friend that had invited me several times.

The euphoria was great but I still wasn’t ready to surrender or even say I believed, but when others intervene on your behalf God starts whittling away at your stubbornness He starts convicting you when you sin, although at that time I didn’t know what it was, just didn’t feel right, I thought many times I was getting the flu or something.  Then a couple of the ladies I had met at a church came by and my mother was visiting well heck, between the three of them I couldn’t win, my sorry unhappy butt went to church every Sunday I refused to go Sunday night and I worked on Wednesday nights. I’m sure you know what happened I became a born again Christian on November 4th, 1981. Later on I backslid and didn’t go back to church until March 2012, Moses and the Israelites wandered forty years (Exodus 16:35, Deuteronomy 29:5) so thirty-one for me wasn’t bad at all except I had to keep repeating “why me lord” and the convictions just kept coming and I kept saying some day, not now Lord this or that is going on. I was busy trying to get through everything in my life work, kids, husband, ailing parents, grandparents to worry over no time for you God , the result was He didn’t have time for me either, or so I thought.

I once believed if I just prayed at home and read my Bible once in a while ( when things would get too hard) that I was having a relationship with the Lord and hey that would keep me safe right? How wrong I was, many things began to happen in my life that made me crazy and the drama and trauma of my life seemed to just be getting worse Oh “Why Me Lord?” became my mantra. Then I lost my oldest daughter and I knew there was no God, no higher being, I would stand outside with my fist pointed upward shaking screaming “I HATE YOU, YOU ARE A PHONY, YOUR NOT REAL, YOU ARE A BASTARD, A REAL GOD WOULDN’T HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN!” boy was I a mess. But you know what happened about a week later I woke up singing God’s praises and speaking in tongues (that will make no sense to some of you, Acts 2: 4-8) this gift had been denied me before but here it was and I was filled that morning with the Holy Spirit like never before and knew then a change had to come about in my whole life.

When I finally surrendered to His will I no longer cried out “why me Lord?” I began praising and thanking Him for the abundance of blessings, they just mounted and mounted to where I can barely list them all now!
I will say that I am constantly tested but with each test, trial and tribulation His presence and my faith grow stronger and stronger.  So that now if I say “Why Me Lord?” it is because of the blessings I thank Him for every day. You too can have these blessings His Love, Mercy and Grace most of all Salvation!  Just ask Him and pray with belief this prayer….

Heavenly Father, have mercy on me, a sinner. I believe in you and that your word is true. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God and that he died on the cross so that I may now have forgiveness for my sins and eternal life. I know that without you in my heart my life is meaningless.

I believe in my heart that you, Lord God, raised Him from the dead. Please Jesus forgive me, for every sin I have ever committed or done in my heart, please Lord Jesus forgive me and come into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior today. I need you to be my Father and my friend.

I give you my life and ask you to take full control from this moment on; I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ.”

Amen.

~~~~~
There are times in life when we need solitary confinement
Times when we are unable to control our emotions as we
react to another person, their words or attitude.
At times like these when anger, hurt, pity, or pain consume us
it is time to find that solitary place where we can think about our reaction,
our emotions, the way we allowed ourselves to feel and why.
I find my solace in the act of prayer, reading my bible and if I am lucky enough to be alone I go to the county lake to soak in Gods wonderful creation.
From the bounty of a vegetable or flower garden, a wooded hillside, a rushing river or a calm pond, birds soaring and singing, even the sound of a  dog barking all is His creation and being in the presence of His makings and immersing myself in His word ,I find the peace I need. What do you do ?

The shatter of our hearts
echo as a pane of glass
We sweep up the pieces
place in the garbage our minds
and live with that pain all of our days.

*And Behold, there was a woman who had a spirit of infirmity
eighteen years, and was bent over and could in no way raise
herself up. but when Jesus saw her, He called her to Him and
said to her,  “Woman, you are loosed from your infirmity”
Luke 13:11~ 12

Like the shattered pane of glass  that is our hearts
WE can be ‘loosed’ from the pain of emotional trauma.
The kind of trauma that has long-range effects
throughout our lives.

We need not be victims to our emotions,  unknowingly
becoming addicted or dependent to being a victim or
martyr. Whether it is abuses of sexual nature, emotional,
physical, health infirmities, low self-esteem, self-worth, divorce or death.

God is our great physician and healer
He and He alone has the prescription pad
It is called  the Bible filled  with His sweet words for
our lives today.

His words are the balm  and the healing oil we need poured upon us
It takes a lot of courage to allow God into our lives and to heal us with His
mercy and grace.

I pray that if your heart is as a shattered glass pane
for whatever circumstance or for time long ago
that you allow God the great healer and physician
into your heart to mend it
That your misery would be forgotten and washed away
with the Living waters of Our Lord.
In Jesus name,  Amen

There is hope in Jesus Christ…
“I CAN DO ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST WHO
STRENGTHENS ME.  Philippians 4 : 13

“If you believe, you shall receive whatever you ask for in prayer”
Matthew 21 : 22

 
~~~~
Who guides me when I am lost in the dark of night
when I don’t know what my chaotic life is really about
Is there anyone there holding out the light

When the paths I take are fraught with doubt
Does anyone listen, hear my voice cry from within
When my world has fallen in, crashing again and again?

Yes, Lord you are there, the one to light my way
Holding my shaking hand with your gentle care
Walking beside me each step of every day

Hearing my plea when my heart is broken
Listening as I lose my grasp and begin to choke

You are the one I pray to
When there is no understanding
I give my thanks and praise to you
for you are the one to see me for me
And helps me be more than I can be

Copyright 2011.2012.2013
Len Williams-Carver

SO TIRED SO WEARY

The last 2 years four months and four days have  been  the most painful and agonizing time of my life. I’ve been the most mentally unstable, hurting grief stricken and physically ill than any other time in my life, add to that the deepest  depression I’ve ever experienced and I wonder how much more must I take?.  I keep trying to remember  if I have ever been happy at any time in my life I believe I was born to a maniac-depressive and that gene was given to me abundantly.I have tried to remember that the Lord wants me to be happy, that he never lets us walk alone, but my faith wavers for I am weak in that faith and I have no strength to fight the enemy of sickness, grief and depression, I cannot fight Satan any longer.

I have searched and prayed read my Bible praying for understanding asking to be shown what my purpose is here on earth to no avail, I do not hear an answer nor see a way to make a difference. Instead, I am left  feeling hollow, empty, used up and tired of the struggle, the pain and the frustration. Tired of not making others happy, being blamed for others misery in their lives  I am disgusted with myself, I’m disappointed in myself, thought I was doing the right things, saying the right things being who and what I was supposed to be; instead the battles wage stronger and my belief and faith not only in myself but in the Lord has failed.

I wonder how much longer my physical body can go on, how much longer can I hold it together with so much emotional and physical pain to endure everyday of every hour. I know I should be stronger but I am not I am weak, I am a sinner and I m done trying to be all to others and getting it wrong. All I ever wanted was love of family and family to be family instead I find myself tearing us apart because I cannot formulate words properly as emotion gets in the way. I am a cripple in the ways of family, as I have told many I never had family so I cling trying to build one and instead I smother and they run . Oh so many things I have done wrong and I accept the responsibility, it  is all due to me.
Please do not read this as pity it is only statement of fact and the guilt I feel. I have turned my life over to the Lord and I was betrayed not by the Lord but my lack of understanding and how it ‘works’ to be a good christian, and those I looked to for guidance. I am sorry for all these things and I will no longer try to remedy anything just float through praying God takes me soon so I won’t have to endure the struggle any longer I am tired I am weary and I am sorry.

~~~~
Ever finding myself in maddening situations when all I ever desire in life is happiness, love and peace of mind.
I often think if this would change or if I do this or that perhaps I will find these desires of my heart.
I have always believed in God even when I swore at or denied his existence in my grief and despair. I knew he was there.
Many times I have felt his presence but most of the time to be honest
I forgot him or didn’t believe I was worthy of his notice.
The truth is God has always been with me, he has always heard my plea and recogonized my need most times before even I knew what
it was.
God is with me in every situation every step I take he is there for me
and that is enough to give me the desires of my heart.
I am doing what I can to shut up and hear him, to really listen and to be patient in waiting to hear his message for me.
I am not a patient person I am trapped with many others in this
instantous gratification society and I have forgotten the art of waiting
of letting life take its course according to his plan not my own.
In Matthew 11:28 It says:
“Come unto me all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn of Me. I am gentle and humble in My heart, and you will find rest for your soul.”

I am on this journey solo but yet not alone for He has my hand in his
and he can do the same for you…just ask him and he will hear.
I love the Lord and what he has done in my life and I am trying to give him all the glory praise and love within me, I know I can do it and I know it will not be easy but my life has never been anything but one struggle, one battle after another yet I know the war will be won when I can stand in front of him and hear him say “well done my child”

MAY 20, 2013
My life has been in such a turmoil lately and I have told you all how severe the pain in my body is physically and how my heartbreak over my daughters death, her sister disowning family and the daughter that was tazed by a psychopath and my husbands Alzheimer’s. I appreciate all you being supportive and trying to help me.

I need to tell you all that  this past few weeks has been nearly unbearable. My physical pain has pushed me and pushed me into the depths of despair and depression. I haven’t been able to write a sensible sentence to any prompt, I quit reading my Bible and quit going to all the services at church. My faith was tested  strongly and I was so weak that it nearly got me all the way to hell.

You see for a while now I have contemplated suicide, and yesterday I went to morning church service, came home and with severe pain in my feet and legs I stood in the kitchen cooking a big dinner thinking my daughter, grandson and her fiancé were coming home to eat. Nope they went elsewhere . They said nothing about doing that and I chose to believe they would be here, anyway a few harsh words from both my daughter and myself and I had hurt feelings on top of everything else.  I went back to lay down for a bit as I laid there I figured out that I would not go to church I would just let everyone else go and I would be alone, just me and the dogs and that is when I would end it all. I lay there planning exactly how I could do it so that it would look on the surface like my heart failed. I knew if I did it I would probably go to Hell but I would be free of the pain, depression and self-pity that I can’t seem to overcome.
My hubs came in and said it is 4:00 time to get up I replied with I wasn’t sure I was going and we did not have to leave until 5:30 so let me rest a while longer then I would see. I don’t know what happened I only know that I heard this voice say to me as I lay there crying and feeling sorry for myself rubbing one leg and foot against the other to ease the pain, this soft voice said “I am here my child, just pray” I fought it but eventually began to say “Yea right god I am supposed to pray but you can’t do one thing for me, you won’t take away this pain inside of my heart or even my feet”. then I began to tell Him if He wanted me to go to church that He needed to give me  a few minutes of relief to be able to get up and get dressed. I heard nothing but when 5:00 came around I got up and readied myself for church. We are in revival now and I listened and praised and sang, we had visiting congregations and it was a good service but I just wasn’t really in to it, I was going through the motions thinking inside why did I even come here tonight. Then the evangelist began to speak on healing and made a call for those needing prayer and healing to come forth and reluctantly I went.
I am here to tell you I have no idea what happened except that the LORD HEALED MY FEET!!!
They just quit hurting and tingling I could put weight on the soles of my feet and felt no shards of glass digging in or thumbtacks poking me!!!!! I am still depressed but feel joy coming back each hour today,  so all I can say is PRAISE THE LORD!! THANK YOU LORD!!!  If He can heal my feet like that  I mean in a few seconds of prayer and the touch of the Evangelist and Preachers praying how much can He do with the rest of me and the rest of those that need Him???
I am so jubilant about being able to walk in a pair of shoes or across the floor without crying due to the pain I just can’t express it!
So there you have it my journey this last few weeks, I am not thinking of suicide or crying for myself either so it is all good!
I hope that you all will forgive me for not being here for you as much as I was before but I will get back into the swing of things again I promise. Have a beautiful day/evening/night know you are loved by me and God loves you too!

~~~~
There is a place I am trying to acquire

I need to do more to get me higher

I want not riches or big fame

I am simply asking to daily call on His name.

Lord I am not good at many things, just a few

But all I need to be good at is praising YOU.

Copyright 2013 LWC

TODAY, I am feeling a small amount of contentment and a lot of peace from within.
I have lately walked in a valley so dark and full of vipers that the soles of my feet bled and blistered
but I have overcome, not alone, but with the Lords hand catching me when I stumbled and lifting me up

when I could no longer carry my  own weight. Praise Him Greatly and Thank Him always!

I have so much going on in my life some good, some not so much, but as long as I have faith of the mustard seed I know I can and will be alright. I am still struggling with letting go of a multitude of
the past as with all of its betrayals, hurt and grief these things weigh a ton of tons on my heart and shoulders. It is clear that I must endure here on this earth these things and God must believe (know) I am strong enough to survive all the pain or He would not have me do so.
Yet, He blesses me with so much each and every day. The Bible says all old things pass away and you shall be made new (my paraphrase).

I am not a ‘scripture person’ I would have to spend time looking for all the right chapter and verses of the right books of the Bible to back up or enlighten (guide) you dear reader to what I am trying so hard to convey here, suffice it to say that strength and building of faith is there in His word. Not being a highly educated person but intelligent enough I want to know each and every scripture and rattle them off like others but as of yet I have not attained the ability and may never do so; yet I feel the Lord is working
on my PTSD so that I may remember things I learned as a child and in my days of college education.

Funny how it all disappeared through the entire trauma endured in this life.

I have rattled on enough and bored you I am sure so I will close by saying I love you all, God is so good and I am so blessed He will bless you as well just trust, step out in faith not flesh for that trust, let Him work in your heart too. I am so glad I gave my life and heart to Him.

~~~~~
In my times of life’s great trials and distress

I know my Lord is always there, He never rests

He protects me from evils of the world

His arms of protection around me enfold

My belief and my faith stay strong

Because the Lord will always keep me safe

When I feel like I am weak

My faith will always keep my strong

I have so many tears I could cry

Friends, family and the world passing me by

I know He will prevail as I drink from His Living well

The water is His word from above
It is filled with hope, joy, and love
Open your heart and mind, let Him in
He will fill you with His mercy and grace
Knowing He gave His Son to prepare your place

When life has changed and not going as you planned

Have faith that the Lord can give you a better eternal life.

Your heart and life will fill with Joy and delight
So much love and hunger for Him will fill you
You will hardly sleep at night.

Accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior today
Just ask Him into your heart and to forgive your sins
He never refuses, when a sinner knocks He answers
“Come In.”

~~~~~~
I don’t know when I first knew God;
I know it was as a child. Looking upon
His face like the sun full of brilliance brought
me peace and joy at like times.

His divine light of love consumed each part of my heart
and has never wavered, though at times I

Had like a candle flicker, a wavering of faith,
these are the times in life when the struggle and strife
become a mind’s distress.

But I am saved by His mercy and grace,
I have seen His wonderful miraculous works
I have seen what you should want and what
you need… a Beloved, Merciful, Forgiving God
of tenderness and love.

Mountain ranges topped with crystal white snow, pine and cedar trees
grow prolifically between the rocks and stones, down the sides like giant stepping stones.
Bright rays of sun warm the snow melting it to nourish below.

Rushing over the time worn rocks, water cascades to the pool below
flashes of silver lightning streaks below the surface, then disappears like a frost
in the noon day sun, the fish dive and play, ducks and geese
frolic atop the surface.

Knotty roots of crabapple, fir and willow intertwine
Across the earthy moss like the plait of a woman’s hair
Stretching to quench their thirst through their massive braid.
Warblers, Junco and Grouse nest among the roots, bringing
New life to the world of this wilderness.

Dappled rays of sun pierce through the lush green leaves
Warming the petals of cosmos, larkspur and honeysuckle
Bringing forth a bouquet of aroma to tantalize the senses.
Mice and rabbits chatter; boring beneath mossy vegetation,
fox and their kits, bees and butterflies, birds soaring among the clouds.
With all of this beauty how can we ever doubt to believe it was created by
The divine Masters hand?

D

When I am face to face with you Lord
Will you like what I have done
Will I have a crown to lay at your feet
Will it have many jewels for the work I have done
Will I have given enough?

All I have surrendered Lord, my heart, soul and mind…will it be enough
Lord will I hear you say the words I need to hear?
“Well done thou good and faithful servant”

When I am face to face with you Lord , I will stand in awe.
****
It is preached far and wide “God heals”
Just have faith, believe it to be real
Pray and praise, obey
walk the narrow way
Surrender all to God above
Sacrifice as He did
Believe, have faith to move mountains, surrender, obey
I hear it everyday~ just pray sister, just pray
so why does not the pain go away??????

****
Lord please hear my cry now

Make the pain in me go away

I know you can heal me Lord

From these diseases attacking
making me hurt in pain I bow.

My Faith is ever enduring and strong

I just don’t know how to right this wrong

Why can I not be pain free?

I fear these frailties’ are killing me.

The heart is not getting better weaker now they claim

Nor are the lungs they are scarred and full of tissue
Lord I need not fame or riches none of these I would claim

I only want to proclaim my love for YOU

I feel your presence daily, as each day I pray

I know you can make this go away.

I know I must have something lacking
in my belief or maybe faith for each hour I do suffer
calling on your name, quoting your word on it I am standing

Please Dear God make the pain go away
make it go away today

Why can I not be pain and disease free?
Why must I suffer so? If this is your plan and purpose

I will accept it as my burden, as I must.

Just so you know I cannot wait to be with YOU

And have the pain disappear as quickly as a wind gust.

~
~~~
In the Garden of life, like the

Delicate petals of the Iris’ Rose and Daisy

We are tossed hither and yon
Trampled bent and broken

Our hearts break, heavy with weariness,

Trouble and great strife

Souls lost and searching each hour

Bruised and bleeding like gentle petals

Our colors run to the clay, weary with

Pain and sorrow our burdensome load

Down that road we tread mile by mile

The storm has raged within and out

Strong wind and torrential rains
until we drop to our knees in the wet clay

Crying out our pain, looking heavenward

The Son begins to shine, faith we gain
Trusting and surrendering all
To Him that has helped carry our load

Now we march to Glory on the trail of Calvary Road.
“““
Stars sparkling in this clear cloudless sky

The winter night, dark, cold and clear,

Soon the dawn of morning shall appear
the stars and moon will fade away

It is the start of another blessed day
under the dark of night a surprise springs light

For winter has gifted earth with a gorgeous sight

A sparkling frost tethers itself to the trees
As God reaches down with a paint brush

To lock us in saying “What is the rush?”

“Slow down child where thy praise is for thee?”
Slowly the sun’s warmth will take over undoing
what God created in the winters night shall you see
Such beauty as soft as baby cheeks this lovely

12 inches + of snow, Oh such beauty from such freezing cold.
““`
In the very early morning hours
I thank the Lord above I pour a cup of coffee
Pick  up my notebook, pen and Bible
and head out to the back porch
where these hands are never idle
I sit quietly and hear the sounds
Of God’s mercies and love abound
I see a squirrel climbing tree to tree
then a cat running happy and free
A hummingbird wakes
He flits here then there
drawing God’s honey of life
flying from one to another
Worship begins to fill my heart,
I read His Word,  my day to start.
I ponder as the trees I see,
dancing in the wind, So blissful and free!
My spirit is alive, My spirit is alive
Father your Creation brings a Hallowed Amen!
I look up see the sky, all colors of blue,
White clouds floating by.
As I read His Word,
I know beyond a doubt,
My prayers are being heard.
My back porch has become a Sanctuary,
Where I meet God and there we tarry.
Surrounded by the Glory
of the Living King,
My Spirit rejoices,  Inside Praises ring.

Each day I meet My God out there,
On my back Porch He makes me aware!
Through His eyes I suddenly see,
That Nature was meant To restore You and Me!
Lord you have created This World for us,
Let us not miss the blessings
And in You, put our trust.

Wildlife, trees, Flowers in bloom,
You have arranged all this
Doubt has no room!
It thrills my soul,

When a deer strolls by,
Those deep dark eyes,
All their needs, You supply!

I thank you
****
Looking to the dark He said “Let there be Light and there was light”
He threw out planets, suns and stars to keep it bright

He looked with His great mind and said I can make this right
With His hands He created Earth and then His real work began
Carving vast oceans, of salt and fresh water they ran
Out of rock he formed layers of minerals, ores and jewels

with a majestic move using only His hands as His tools
Made cresting mountaintops with deep lush valleys in the grooves

He covered the valleys with herbs of essence and flowers damp with dew

Promising that each season all around the world they would renew

Reminding us daily of His unconditional love and life everlasting for us
He formed life of every creature, above and below even seed for us to sow
He then connected every creature, tree, plant, lake and river

Reaching out one more time taking In His hand a fist of dust

Saying to Himself “Yes, I must”

Thus in His image did He make man to stand on this rock of His great love.
****
Waking in the morning all warm and fuzzy remembering the dreams of the night
Stretching the arms above your head~ arch your back like a cat just fed
Reliving the night before when we laid in the emerald grass
Realigning the stars by closing our eyes tight
smelling the sweet aroma of the budding flowers
In the lush green grass of the meadow
being together after the intrinsic requests of our hearts
Doing what we want the most in daylight and in shadow
Feeling like a small part of this large marvelous place called earth
Being on top of the mountains within ourselves
knowing we have done our best and that by our Savior  blessed!
****
Do not despise that which you know not
Before you blame, think and know
Gaze upon the face of Nature
in the birth of each Fall ‘n Spring
God is the great Creator
and life,  life is His gift!

Do you hear the strong winds blowing?
That is Our Saviors mighty breath,
Vital breath, giving life to man
Neath the ribs of death he is sowing.

Do you see the fountain flowing?
Filled with Jesus’s precious blood,
Vivid blood each drop glowing
In the shade bud of dogwood.

God’s eyes look around divining
all that He has in six days made
Full bright eyes– are shining
As are fire and air, trees for shade
When the winged creations ascend
Where lofty thoughts are free,

This is Our Lord when he gives
Himself to you and me
God is the great Creator,
Heaven, and Earth, and living Nature
Are but the divine will of our gracious God
TREE HOUSE
I came to the house made of tree, upon it’s door
I knocked as the star studded night drifted by
I heard a deep voice say “Identify”

The Lord looked down from a floor above
Where the flowers bloomed in their pots
“There is not room in the heavens for you…
…just yet.” He said

Snapping a flower from its stem off I crept
hanging my head
Wondering what to do, big tears I wept
Away through the fields and mountains
Weaving a crown of rose thorns to attain
the suffering He did for me
Learning His word and laws along the way
Knowing my spirit will knock again someday

I came once more to the House of  the Lord
And knocked, oh so softly and wistfully,
From within I heard the deep voice say “Identify”
“None but me, Your servant Lord just me”

The hand carved door opened wide to me
Crying out in the deep voice of Light
“Make room, make room a loving Saint is home
In the House of the Lord this night”

copyright 2013 LWC

haiku

Satan rips my heart to shreds

He slinks in and through

my valley of regrets and dread
~~~
I sat you down on earth
With all its love and sorrow
Just remember you are on borrow
Your life journey is your destiny
Set forth by none other than Me
Now take flight on your gossamer wings
And if you sorrow I will be there right by your side
Welcoming you with open arms very wide
Years ago I sang you a lullaby

Beautiful baby girl of mine

Placing you in arms divine
Call her mother, mommy, momma
She will protect and love you
While on your journey
Teaching you along the way
Until you return to Me someday.

Myrtle, olive and branches of sage

Grow in the glamour of the dark forest

The worn walking path of crushed shells

Lined with stones of grayish hue lead
to the stony staircase bleached by

sun halted here for an age and a day
The limestone alter of sacrifice

It is here I kneel to pray and weep

Tears of crystal filling the well
for here in the garden of Gethsemane

Where choices made resulted in the

Greatest sacrifice ever made by our God

I weep for the sacrifice given that day

To save the vilest of sinners, yes even me.

I weep for the man on the Cross at Calvary.

Sensing your touch upon my heart

The fire You place within my soul

I look upon the beauty of this earth
Know that you created all this for us

The vast oceans with sandy beaches
The waves that wash the mysteries
You created in the deep

The scent in a rose garden
Hummingbirds sipping nectar
Butterflies adding a cacophony
of color in motion

An old oak or willow tree
to lean against and dream
To read of Your word or
Have a heart-to-heart with You

The sky so immense with mountain
peaks touching the endless blue
shake my head at the wonder of You

You have held my hand in times of trial

Carried me when I was weak
Lifted my weary aching body when I was tired

For this my Lord, I will say
Praise you, love you

Adore you,

Glory is Yours
Your are the Alpha and the Omega

The beginning and the End
I worship you Lord

Praise You Lord
Thank You Lord

OPENED EYES
Our pain and sorrow cause distrust
Pain like a dogs bite into skin
we lose loved ones, ashes to dust
Times when our best efforts tumble into sin
Where our faith is lost, no longer near
Hope, joy, and love all leave us with fear
We must open our eyes to see
Tis not our best efforts nor our good deeds
Nor some age- old ragged creeds
No it is not prayer by ritual or rote
It is the demons and devil we smote
Asking for comfort in our distress
In Jesus loving arms we must trust
for with his suffering He took my place
so that someday I will see him face to face
As I am saved by His Mercy and Grace
@copyright 2011~2013 LWC/myownhear.me

Dear Lord,
I need to write this letter so that you will know how very much I love you,
and why
There are so many times in my life I forgot about you, yet you never, not
one time forgot about me.
In all the trials, troubles and situations I found myself, you gave me protection
and kept me safe.
When my burdens became so heavy I wanted to take my own life, you gave
me strength and courage to carry on.
Where I stood under your beautiful night sky filled with stars, and cursed
you, called you names said I didn’t believe in you anymore,
You picked up my broken heart and spirit and began healing me right then
not an hour or day later but right then, I just didn’t know or understand.
Lord here is my promise to you….
I will open my heart and soul to you, use me in any way
to the glory of you I will gladly do what you want me to.
I will do all with joy and in godliness and love
My vow to love my fellow humans with all I can, to give them
A helping hand if needed and to tell them of your love.
Lord I vow to spread the word so that they may have salvation
I vow to study your word daily and to share it.
I will praise, worship and thank you you every day Lord and tell you how
much I love you and can hardly wait until we meet face to face.
with all my love and gratitude, your loving servant.

Living in the darkness, the sins of this world
Being blinded by temptation, we must hurl
Sin and worldly ways bind them out of sight
To be called into Our Creators forgiving  light
Then  to praise and worship fervently daily
Thank Him for saving our sinful souls
Bringing us from that sin into His chosen fold

Lord I am yours, use me I pray
Use me every day to show the way
Help me Lord with knowledge and wisdom
To pass along the water of life  and your light
To those who have not heard Your beautiful word read

God let your light shine from within me
Put me in the right  time and place
So that others may see your mercy upon my face
Let them hunger for the Victory and Glory
That they may feel the Power of your Love
The love you have given  freely  for our purity.

@copyright 2013 LWC/myownheart.me

BELIEF
Your word says Faith the size of a mustard seed

This is all we need for sin to become like a weed

As our faith begins to grow, it will begin to rise
So that we can move mountains of every size

Like the trees in an orchard we will flourish
Bearing more and more fruit abundantly
Our hearts and spirit shall be nourished 

We shall stand strong in our faith, kneel and pray
As we walk into darkness and the unknown
Where we know our faith and love of God will stay
When we can sit on the right of His throne

God uses what the Devil abuses

Satan will attack as long as we let him
and we must remind him at each attack
that we have read the book, looked at his past
his history did not portray him in a good light
he was a loser then, and having read his life story
we know his future doesn’t have a good look either.
so don’t worry when he attacks just remember the
above quote and know that if Satan abuses, it
is because God uses.

STONES
I have walked on many a stone path
Many a stone been thrown at me
By someone demonstrating their wrath
‘Dumb as’ I have spoken to many
Known a few with them in their head
Pile them all up and this is where I am
Now I stand on  the “Rock of Ages”

AFRAID

This feeling afraid to share
Misery so very unfair
Hard to bear all this pain
Playing with feelings like a game
Move on from this despair and pain
Tired of tears and fears… going to dream

I am woman I am strong
No more will I be wrong
No more hanging head in shame
No more guilt, regret or blame

I believe in the miracles of choice
I kneel to pray, listening for His voice
For my Master’s love I wish to attain
I will achieve by this one true refrain
To You Lord I give my all I surrender

copyright 2013 LWC/ myownheart.me

~~~~
Homeward bound
I am returning
I am not settling
I am ascending

Like a shooting star
I  will fade away
I could for greater good stay

Linger I can not for I am
leaving all pain, hurt
And shadows behind

I do not fear to rise up
All will be well forever

The portal of darkness
Will not claim my cup

My chains now unbound
No longer wrapped around
Link after link I have broken
Now I am free, free, indeed

I am going to hang with angels
Going to my loving God
See His offered hand
I see the Holy stairwell
Going home…ascending above

copyright/ 2013 / lwc/myownheart.me

Quilt of Life
Pieces of fabric make up  life
Many are tattered and worn
Not many beautiful and new
Most of a different color or hue
Pieces patterned on  Josephs coat

Black and reds they did abound
As when young I went to town
Wearing colors of the night
I knew I looked fine, just right

Some with pretty girl pinks and bows
Those I wore with joy and love
For the baby girls sent from above
Some I wore with silver and  gold
When feeling quite oh… very bold

As these fabrics cut in measured squares
Brought memories back to taunt me
Fabrics rent with scars and tears
Some memories best left be
Many colors covered  in my fears
Black fabric worn with age and loss
Some with all that life offered, some to toss
Others with life’s blood so lost and stained
These measured squares of life’s time

Sewn together by strings of life and it’s strife
Pieces that have seen such heartache and woe
Pieced together with no purpose or rhyme
Purpose and plan I will not know, not even in time
For God has chosen this path, this stitch, this pattern
Not for me to question His purpose or mind
He alone has stitched these measured squares
In the pattern He has so divined
With His forgiveness, mercy  and Grace
Sewn together with His words like lovely lace
For this quilted robe of life I shall wear
When for eternity I take my place.

copyright 2011~2013 Len Williams~Carver

GOD DOES BLESS
My tongue finds no words
For the blessings given to me
Full as a river overflowing banks
A bright and beautiful world
I drop to my knees giving thanks
To God who did bless me
Bursting around me a beautiful world
Its wonders amaze and enrich me
This great earth, sea, and starry sky,
Meadow. valley and mountains
I drop to give thanks
To God who did bless me
The trees so full of life, haven to the fowl
Their sweet songs trilling and trolling
The fish in the river jumping and rolling
Many butterflies with airy,gossamer wing
Dragonfly dances near water in the Spring
I wonder and thank the God that made me
What wondrous colorful flowers He did give
Striving and straining from a bare seed
Good earth and life’s’ water and sun
It will triumph to give God, His glory
With sweet fragrance and sight
Glory to God who made me!
HE IS HERE
The Lord’s presence here all around
His gift to us blessings abound
In the sun that gives us light
Rain upon a pane of glass
A soft wind through the grass
An hour glass with sands of time
Gods benevolence dances on this earth

Listen for Gods voice, His music is here
In the caw of the Crow
Whip of the Whippoorwill
The bark of a dog when too near
The quack of ducks all in a row
Gods’ dance and music are all around
Open eyes to see and ears to hear
Stars to light the nights sky
Rippling water in a brook
The graceful wings of butterflies
An author’s story in a book

copyright 2013 LWC/myownheart.me
HE SPOKE TO ME
God spoke to me today, I listened
To His words so  very intently
He spoke these words so fervently:

You haven’t been listening to me
You haven’t read my word faithfully
People need each other, share your time
Young and old need me and my love
Give that love through yourself with my word
Share another’s load, and lend a hand
If your selfish, full of pride and hate

Bury those things, follow my plan
You are my child, I expect more from you
You came from me and in my image made
Do not tarnish me like brass
Share the love  I have given you abundantly

I had a nice conversation with God today
I listened to His words intently
As He spoke so lovingly:

“Well done my child, well done my faithful servant”

@copyright 2013 LWC/myownheart.me

HE CARES
Harsh stinging words lashed about
Her tears released from within
Heart and soul breaking; she cries
Feelings gave way to anguish and doubt
Husbands words echoed over and over
Cutting her like a double edged knife
Why must life be so full of anguish and strife?
When said and done and night had come
In the quiet stillness she did kneel to pray
“Lord thank you” she began “for this day”
Listening, Her spirit heard Him say
“Fear not, my child, for I care and I see”
“ As Your Father I  know your heart,
I  know your deepest secrets,
your deepest thoughts and  dread
There is nothing in your life so bad that you can hide
For all things are open and bare to me,
for I care, love and within I abide
I know your burdens cast them to Me
Choose to walk in peace, love and harmony
I love you as the sparrow and the dove
Let your heart go free in mercy and grace
“Fear not my child, for I see
I look upon your loving face
And hath prepared for you a place.

 
HIS LIVING WATER
A dew dampened morn
She left from home
Her mind chaotic and forlorn

Homeless man she did see
She ignored the request
She was not equipped
To deal with such as he
The thirsty  the oppressed

He gazed at her in her fine dress
Please ma’am a sip I beg of thee
Her sin scarred heart did not extend
The bottled water in her hand

Distracted she turned to flee
Stepping from curb she was hit
Water landing where He sit

Turning head she cried out near death
Oh God help me I am in pain
Homeless man came to her side
With love coming from His lip
He said ‘I give you eternal life’
As her life began to dim
She sipped the Living Water
Offered by HIM

No longer lost to sin
She swiftly fled
To heaven’s gate
Christ had led

THE GENESIS ROSE

A flower called the rose
Muti-petaled growing alone

Eve called it ~~ oh her own
She plucked the flower deepest red
She placed it on Adams body scarred
From whence the rib twas skin marred
Adam slept on while tear after tear fell
For Eve cried knowing of his sacrifice
Now she had sinned they would suffer twice
Before the rose so beautiful and red
She plucked from the tree that God had said
“Ye shall not eat of it….lest ye die”
Serpent told Eve “Tis but a lie”
She plucked and took a bite
To Adam she said ‘taste tis good and ripe’
As the serpent slipped amongst the trees
A murmur from the path they did hear
A sorrowful echoing haunting sound
For God was weeping diamond drop tears
He cursed the serpent to the dust
Covered mankind toe to bust
Declared labour to a childs birth
Bringing thorns and thistles to earth
He cried out to them in pain
His tears washing like a rain
Driving them from Paradise
To till the ground from which he was taken.

THE CALL

Looking in the mirror

Tears washing my skin

Seeing the me within

River of tears quickly swept

Tossing me to my knees

Lord show me thy way

Teach me Lord to obey

Found upon the Rock of Ages

Gazing upon fluttering pages

The Holy Bible saying come all

My heart answering His call

Intoning prayer I felt driven

By His blood I am forgiven.

***

It is no secret to anyone that knows me, that loss is no stranger to me, for I am one of those…yes one of those that has no filter from brain to mouth or in this case keyboard, I will tell you all you ask and plenty more regardless of taste, class etc. I am an open book and with that here it is.
I have suffered loss in the following areas:
*Trust of adults, mother said she would be back in a couple of hours, her watch must have quit as it was seven years later when she returned.
*Innocence, years of molestation from age five to  twelve, therefore no moral compass.
* My own identity, I didn’t know I was allowed to have opinions, and always found the men that wanted to ‘take care of me’ so I did not nor did I have to think for myself.
* Love I lost my true love, the one I would still be with had the gravel path been kinder.
* Family, I never had one in the “normal” definition of family so I guess you can’t lose what you never really had.
* a child …through miscarriages and an abortion at the age of twelve, my molesters child.
* My first born, a beautiful daughter that god let me have for foty-one wonderful years she was my best friend and this is the second Christmas without her.
* My youngest child, she hates me, her father literally brain-washed her and took advantage of her being bi-polar to the determent of her belief in my love and caring for her.
* My father, gram and all others I have but two aunts on my fathers side and a few cousins that is it for both sides of the parents. they have all passed so I feel pretty darned alone most of the time therefore I write.
* Now I am losing my husband of twenty-five years to Alzheimer’s so loss goes on.
It is said God gives us no more than we can handle, and that He is always with us.He must be
or I would have been a goner along time ago I am just so grateful He has brought me thus far and blessed me in these the winter of my years so abundantly.
DUSTI JEAN
TONIGHT as we hugged and held each other, I felt so good for I knew at just that moment you needed me and that filled this mother’s heart with such joy. I felt quite sad that I could only hold you as you cried instead of ‘fixing’ everything that is upside down right now.
It has been tough with so much of our family gone, and I see the sadness and worry in your eyes over your gram and the rest of us. Please do not worry my child, I can not fix it but I am here for you and together we can pray that is what gets us through.
Life will turn around for you and your son, you now have a good man that loves you and I can see in your eyes you love him too, and that he adores my g-son.  With all that love the sorrow of those passed or not here in their minds must be honored and loved but the here and now is what is most important.
Thank you for letting me be a part of your life in those few moments it felt like a mother~ daughter should. I love you baby girl!!

PRECIOUS ANGELS
A wickedness prevailed in haste,

  bringing carnage and waste
  For Satan had spoken
  To one whose mind was in illness broken
  To Newtown, Connecticut Angels flew
  Knowing to gather more than a few
  Crying  diamond tears  through the clouds
  As they carried twenty special shrouds
  Twenty~eight angels to lift the souls of all
  For the Lord to determine those 
  Worthy of staying and those that would fall
 Twenty precious ones gathered in one fell swoop
  For with their last breaths they were chosen
 To enter God’s Kingdom in their young innocence
 To be taken home to the arms of the Lord…
******
Friday morning the pearly gates of Heaven opened
Loosing – angels to Newtown, Connecticut
For there, many taking their last breaths were chosen
To enter Gods kingdom in their true innocence
Twenty-eight angels to lift the souls taken by wickedness
With love and compassion, God welcomed them home
Twenty children to feel no more but  the Lord’s love and joy
Lest we forget, pray for the loved ones left behind
Pray for the mothers that carried these children below
Their heart and in their womb,  as there is no greater
loss than the loss of a child.
Pray for these loved ones lost in the turmoil of grief.
*********

I AM FEELING VERY OVERWHELMED RIGHT NOW! I am not sure why but I am just not satisfied with anything at the moment. The holidays tend to do this but as I have about all I need to do, done I am just puzzled why I have this anxious and overwhelmed feeling.
I love to write and even my muse is stretched beyond being capable of stringing two intelligent words together. I want to go back and rework a few stories and then I have the three novels I haven’t done anything with in months…just can’t get enthused about the characters anymore when I reread what I wrote. Two of them I don’t mind tossing but my baby I have rewritten the first five chapters many times and now I am stuck. Not to mention the fact that I lost it and had, thank heavens  a paper copy , but now I have to retype into Word to continue and I am so tired just don’ t think I have the energy.
I have decided that others are more qualified than I am to give Spiritual advice so I have turned my blog “Gods Glory” over to just reblogs of others inspiration and teachings.  I am struggling also with my prayer life I just don’t feel good about it…like I am not only cheating myself but God as well. Prayer service tonight might help.
My daughter and g-son are trying to move and she is scattered all over the country it seems just trying to stay ahead of danger  and yet keep stable for g-son.
Then 21 year old g-son has asked to move back in and of course I said yes, G-Pa said it’s up to Grammie , only now the tension has already started between them and I am caught in the middle…although I must admit it irritates me too when lights are left on all over the house all the time. Then the microwave going at 1-2 in the morning or dogs barking when he comes in at those times. But I refuse to let any family member not have a roof over there heads.
And of course money is tight, and my pride is hurt as I am going to court on Wednesday for the bankruptcy, I feel so bad that I can’t pay all those bills, and I really am trying to stay out of hospital as much as possible so they don’t get over the million dollar mark again. I was brought up that you don’t owe and it seems I constantly owe more and more. I don’t even own a credit card, yet I am hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt..Go figure.
Then there is church biz to take care of, I am grateful that they ask for help for in giving I receive.

I know this has a lot of very personal, I just get aggravated when they don’t listen to me  so I blog and tell all to those that will listen. My life is good I am truly blessed with what family I have being kind and loving to one another. I have a wonderful husband, a great home , beautiful children and g-kids, fantastic blogger friends and of course my savior Jesus Christ.

BLOOD STAIN

The stain upon my hands are those of blood
A life taken when in fear where love once stood
Fear of being alone when you said you were leaving
Now alone behind these bars
I am in love  a true abiding lifelong love
He is the perfect mate for me He will never leave me
He is Jesus and He died on the cross for you and me!

PROMISES

GOD did not promise HE would not love us,
HE promised undying love
HE did not say blue skies forever, HE gave us clouds too.
HE did not say rose colored paths to walk
HE gave us  beauty in HIS flowers and trees
HE did not give us sun without the rain

HE did promise rest for the weary
HE promised help from up above
HE said trials with Grace
HE promised strength for each day

WHERE WAS GOD?

Where was God today when Adam Lanza decided to take the lives of innocent children, other adults, his parents and himself?
How could God let something this horrific and senseless happen?

God gave man free will, one of the consequences of that free will was the decision by a few to remove God from schools, no daily prayer, no Bible teaching, no Ten Commandments anywhere to be read especially “Thou shalt not kill”.
My feelings and emotions are so raw right now, there is no callousness built up from seeing violence on television or in movies, this is unadulterated spiraling downward grief for the families of these innocent babies!!
I just want to scream out why why ??? What would justify in that mans mind the right to walk into that school and start shooting? They say he had been plotting this for sometime…at 20 years of age what in his life was so terrible that he had to take the lives of 20 children and seven adults including himself? What sane man could look at the innocence of those eyes, see the fear in their little faces and his mother seeing her own son, this child she carried within her under her  breast and heart taking the innocent lives of the students she taught at one time and then that being her last view before entering eternity killed by  her own son.
My heart is torn and ravaged with grief for the parents of those babies, there isn’t a word that can be said that will ease the pain they are now going through, and to not be able to see or claim the bodies of their children even at this late hour after the shooting due to the investigation, it is unfathomable to me. Pulling from my own experience the hours it took to get to my daughter were the longest darkest time in my life and yet even I cannot imagine or place myself in these parents place. It is just so insane, so unjust, so horrific to think that here in this the United States of America one of the safest nations in the world this could happen.
It wouldn’t matter if we had stricter gun laws or no guns at all, if this man wanted them he would have found a way to get them or something worse. The police are saying he had been planning this..how in the hell do you plan to kill five and six year old children? I am just so sick over this and I ask each and every reader of this blog  to please pray for these parents that lost their babies and the loved ones of all the others that died. Please just pray for their being able to cope for there is no understanding of this atrocious act.

FIRST WRITE…

Feeling so very raw with the Connecticut shootings
I am having a very hard time comprehending such
senseless actions taken by this 20 year old man.
For what purpose were those babies lives taken? What
reason could he have given himself, what justification to
take innocent babies lives that way?
The crazies of this world are everywhere I know , the emotionally,
physically and mentally ill do walk among us but to what extent
was this man crazed that he could do this? Hating your mother and
father, losing a job whatever it was that pushed him over the edge
there was a better solution had to have been.
I am thinking of all those parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and
siblings that are suffering the pain  that  never ends now. This horrible
senseless act of  such disregard of human life.

Copyright-Rich Vosa

Gliding into the atmosphere she gave a little shudder as her bare feet touched the cold  tile, giving a small shrug, her gossamer wings folded  themselves to her back. Now, Misty thought to herself where do I begin?

Quietly pushing the door open, seeing the small bed and the child lying  there she knew her assignment today would be harder than usual for now she understood,  behind each door lay a child  to be taken home as cancer in every form had taken over their small bodies and the Father wanted them in His loving arms now.” Long day”…she sighed.

BIRTHDAY
A twinkling orb of white
Hanging in the east
Shepherds gathering sheep
Through the white cold of night
Traveling from far and wide
Three Wise Men gathering gifts
For this the infant child
This one to be known as the Savior
Long they traveled for the sight
To see God’s promise this night
Arriving to see a swaddled babe
In awe and wonder they gazed
At the perfection of this boy child
Born in Bethlehem
On This Christs birthday

~~~~~

The angels are singing “Glory, Glory, Glory!
The Redeemer is rejoicing
The Holy Spirit has touched another!
~~~~~~~~

A sinner has wept~ A sinner has fallen
To his knees confessing sin~A sinner has been forgiven

***

SECOND  pew on the right next to the main aisle
Hearing each and every breath of the choir
Watching the preachers sweat roll with his tears
As he makes the sinners alter call

RAISING my hands high in adoration, confession and thanks
Worshiping in song as the organ and piano peal
Bow my head to pray, eyes closed hands begin to shake
So tired ready to fall over Spirit rescue I feel

A soft sweet scent wafts under my nose, Jesus is Here!
For no other could smell as sweet …gram but she is over there.
She stepped across the celestial shore seven years ago

GRAM sweet gram oh how I miss her loving ways
SETTING in her pew singing to Him I adore
And then I knew for what I had been praying for
Her hand I felt upon my cheek and Jesus arm around
me as in awe and wonder I was weak

My children here on earth I need not worry
Gram and Jesus are there for them guiding
and protecting in Jesus name.

****

Father you have  blessed us today 
On your easel of the earth, sky and waters
We are lifted with each stroke of your brush
As the colors of sunset remind us of Your
Amazing Grace, Love and Mercy

WHY ME????
How many times in my life and you in yours asked this question? Generally we say it this way:  “why me lord?”  I believed for the longest time that He answered with “because you deserve it.” Now I know that wasn’t really God saying that to me, more like Satan, but I believed it, I truly believed because of all my sins I didn’t deserve God’s Love or forgiveness. Why would He want me to be part of His crowd?  Besides I wasn’t ready to be a “Bible thumpin, glory hallelujah person giving up friends and parties, the” worldly ways” as the Christians told it. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe there was a God, I just didn’t know Him and what I knew was just scary and not what my friends were into, why would I want to be different like that?
The more I fought with God  about what I was doing, the stronger the pull to Him then the devil would get in on it reminding me that I would lose sleep on my only day off if I went to church. Eventually God gets his way with us and I went to church with a friend that had invited me several times.

The euphoria was great but I still wasn’t ready to surrender or even say I believed, but when others intervene on your behalf God starts whittling away at your stubbornness He starts convicting you when you sin, although at that time I didn’t know what it was, just didn’t feel right, I thought many times I was getting the flu or something.  Then a couple of the ladies I had met at a church came by and my mother was visiting well heck, between the three of them I couldn’t win, my sorry unhappy butt went to church every Sunday I refused to go Sunday night and I worked on Wednesday nights. I’m sure you know what happened I became a born again Christian on November 4th, 1981. Later on I backslid and didn’t go back to church until March 2012, Moses and the Israelites wandered forty years (Exodus 16:35, Deuteronomy 29:5) so thirty-one for me wasn’t bad at all except I had to keep repeating “why me lord” and the convictions just kept coming and I kept saying some day, not now Lord this or that is going on. I was busy trying to get through everything in my life work, kids, husband, ailing parents, grandparents to worry over no time for you God , the result was He didn’t have time for me either, or so I thought.

I once believed if I just prayed at home and read my Bible once in a while ( when things would get too hard) that I was having a relationship with the Lord and hey that would keep me safe right? How wrong I was, many things began to happen in my life that made me crazy and the drama and trauma of my life seemed to just be getting worse Oh “Why Me Lord?” became my mantra. Then I lost my oldest daughter and I knew there was no God, no higher being, I would stand outside with my fist pointed upward shaking screaming “I HATE YOU, YOU ARE A PHONY, YOUR NOT REAL, YOU ARE A BASTARD, A REAL GOD WOULDN’T HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN!” boy was I a mess. But you know what happened about a week later I woke up singing God’s praises and speaking in tongues (that will make no sense to some of you, Acts 2: 4-8) this gift had been denied me before but here it was and I was filled that morning with the Holy Spirit like never before and knew then a change had to come about in my whole life.

When I finally surrendered to His will I no longer cried out “why me Lord?” I began praising and thanking Him for the abundance of blessings, they just mounted and mounted to where I can barely list them all now!
I will say that I am constantly tested but with each test, trial and tribulation His presence and my faith grow stronger and stronger.  So that now if I say “Why Me Lord?” it is because of the blessings I thank Him for every day. You too can have these blessings His Love, Mercy and Grace most of all Salvation!  Just ask Him and pray with belief this prayer….

Heavenly Father, have mercy on me, a sinner. I believe in you and that your word is true. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God and that he died on the cross so that I may now have forgiveness for my sins and eternal life. I know that without you in my heart my life is meaningless.

I believe in my heart that you, Lord God, raised Him from the dead. Please Jesus forgive me, for every sin I have ever committed or done in my heart, please Lord Jesus forgive me and come into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior today. I need you to be my Father and my friend.

I give you my life and ask you to take full control from this moment on; I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ.”

Amen.

****

The Lord has blessed me first by forgiving me of my sins by sending His Only begotten Son John 3:16. He has healed me of many ailments that had me just existing not having a life. He has blessed me with a wonderful husband, children and grandsons. Most of all He has blessed me with Grace and Joy, and helping me to be who I am! Praise God I am your loyal faithful servant, make me an instrument of your glory oh Lord. Use me wash me in the blood so that I may be a witness to your wonderous words and way! I love you so much Dear Lord and can hardly wait to gaze upon your face.

***

How often am I to stumble and fall
How often am I to sin  then sin again
Freedom from chains of this world
Forgiveness with Love  He has given
How can I forgive myself 

***

For where your treasure is, there will be your heart also.
The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be
single, thy whole body shall be full of light.
But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of
darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness,
how greatis that darkness!    ~Matthew 6: 21 ~ 23

There is such evil in this world and Jesus speaks of such in Matthew when speaking of only serving the Father.
God gave man free will and I wonder in all of His plans did He see the future of man and his depravity?

Can you imagine the pain in His heart?
When our children do something we wish they hadn’t, making a choice to  steal, becoming an unwed parent, lying etc.  Our hearts hurt and our minds have a hard time understanding when we have given and taught them so much and then they do something in our minds that ruins their life or at least changes it dramatically.  Imagine how our Lord feels when we do so much worse to one another, listening to the local news of the drive-bys,  robberies,  senseless killing of a child or sexual perversions with children, shootings in the workplace, schools and fast food places, bombings in the most unlikely never suspected or expected places.
Did God know what he was unleashing or is this all Satan’s doing ?  I know we have a great and wondrous God that
He forgives many times over but does He ever shake His head and say where did I go wrong?

Does He ever feel like He needs to just destroy the earth and start over again as he did with Noah and the Ark?
I know not the answers and I hope to learn for I fear the evil that is here and is to come. I hope that if your reading this that you have or will  ask Jesus into your heart and life and that forgiveness of your sins  you will also ask for, as this is the only way to be admitted to heaven.  God forgives I do know that and He loves each of us and wants us to join Him in heaven.
Please ask Him to forgive you and believe that He gave His only begotten Son to die on the cross at Calvary to wash our sins away to have forgiveness. Believe that He is the one true God, that He loves you and will forgive and forget all your sins and transgressions. God is a mighty God through Him ALL things are possible. He loves you and so do I.

****
My thoughts bring me to you
For my trust lies in your hands
I am but a lowly sinner
Fulfilled with your promises
Of mercy grace and love.

SINNERS PRAYER

“Heavenly Father, have mercy on me, a sinner. I believe in you and that your word is true. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God and that he died on the cross so that I may now have forgiveness for my sins and eternal life. I know that without you in my heart my life is meaningless.

I believe in my heart that you, Lord God, raised Him from the dead. Please Jesus forgive me, for every sin I have ever committed or done in my heart, please Lord Jesus forgive me and come into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior today. I need you to be my Father and my friend.

I give you my life and ask you to take full control from this moment on; I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ.”

Amen.

Now relish the feeling of freedom from sin and rejoice in the love, mercy and grace of our Lord.  :Bible:

I SING

I sing for joy and peace

I sing for your sacrifice

I want to praise your mighty love

Thank you for this journey

Blessings bestowed forever

Forever I will stand and raise my hands

in praise for you~~~my Lord
****
Torn and Tattered oh my soul
God has forgiven my sins
Washed me whole

Kneeling in prayer
God doesn’t care
Denim or Lace
Tis the heart He hears

Torn and tattered unable to hear
Like her loving gramma
Wish she were  here
Grams  shawl of prayer
My old jeans tattered
God’s voice saying
“My child the clothes they do not matter”

****
Comfort and Peace became mine

On the day I surrendered my heart
Reaching out, touching hem of your robe
You took my hand in your scarred hands
Lifting me up washing me with the blood
Of forgiveness and redemption.

Renewing my heart and spirit
With Love, Mercy and Grace
I shall offer you Praise from my lips
That we shall meet in that heavenly place

****

I am standing on the Word of God

I am standing on the Bible

On all of God’s promises

I will stand.

 

I will reside on the right side of my Lord

I shall pass through the pearly gates

Walk the streets of Gold

 

Jesus said he would go and prepare a place for us

I make this request

Build my mansion in the sky

On the solid foundation of God’s word

 

Place my mansion close to my savior

Build it with bricks of Love, Mercy and Grace

Mix the mortar with the blood of the lamb
the glory of God in every stone


Fill my mansion with the Holy Spirit
Build it on the ROCK OF AGES

****

The Living Water, The Tree of Life, The Way, The Word.
These are the Spiritual riches God has given us, these
Are the truth and the light by which we should abide.
Our Lord, Our God, Our Father has given us this
A Book to learn of Him and of His Son, Jesus Christ
If You thirst drink of the Living Water
If  You desire an abundant life  put forth abundance
If You desire the strength to walk with Him, He is the Way
I f You desire to know Salvation study His Word.
Ask God, Ask Jesus to forgive you of your sins,
Ask Him to open your heart and mind to His teachings
Then follow those words,  ask Him to come into your
Heart and make  you whole, And He will.

Our God is an amazing God, a God of His word and
He loves you and you are worthy!

God Bless you, It is never too late nor too soon to
give your life over to Jesus.

****

Walking the path of glory and grace
Watching loved ones in the rat race
If they would be, could be silent
Hear her say don’t stay private
Be a witness for the Lord
Learn His message word for word
When your time comes my son
You will join me when your time is done.

YOU CAN’T HARVEST UNTIL YOU PLANT THE SEED

You must first clear the land :
“For ALL have sinned, and come short of the glory of God”  ROMANS 3:23
Step forward and find a church, start reading your Bible

:

The land will need tilling
Turning the soil by accepting and believing
John 14: 6 “Jesus said …I am the way, he truth, and the life:
no man cometh unto the Father but by Me.”
Accept Jesus as your Savior ask forgiveness of your sins.
Ask him to come into your heart and life.

Now comes the time to prepare the soil with nutrients
God’s Promise: “For, behold, I am for you, and I will turn
unto you, and ye shall be tilled and sown”

Now, the seed has been sown, you must water
John 7: 37
In the last day of the feast, Jesus stood and cried, saying
“If any man thirst, let him come unto me and drink”

It is the time to harvest that which you have sown, it will not be easy,

for the world you have just turned your back on will keep calling for you
but with God’s love, mercy and grace, keeping your eyes on the prize
you can and will be with our Father someday.

Your hunger and thirst of His word will be an all powerful need upon you
this too is your harvest. Pray for knowledge, understanding and enlightenment.

Trust, Delight and Commit to the Lord, Our Father  the King.

FAITH LOST

Not so long ago faith left me completely; an event took place that shattered me to the core of being. After the initial shock many a day and night I would go outside and look up at the sky and scream “I hate you God, how could you let this happen. Why Lord why Lord? I hate you God you are not real you’re a fake, your some freakish story, I hate you, I hate you” and oh so many other things.

Faith is wrought, heart so empty

Satan did tempt me, steal me whole

 Promises, wanting to take my soul

Something, someone, from the clouds

Screaming loud, “Stop He is real”

Blessings began, not now and then

One on top of another many

Answers to prayers from long ago

God’s love began to flow mercy, peace and grace

With an open heart I began to praise and thank Him

In spirit I fell to my face.

Your faith in God is strengthened as you walk through life’s troubles, trials and painful experiences, not weakened or destroyed. (1 Peter 4:12-13; James 1:2-4.)

Your service to others flows out of genuine love and concern for them, not from compulsion or a need to be recognized. You offer your service as a joy and a pleasure and not an obligation or a heavy burden. (Ephesians 6:6-7; Ephesians 2:8-10; Romans 12:10.)

You value and respect the unique differences and individual gifts of your brothers and sisters in Christ, rather than expecting conformity to one Christian standard. You appreciate and celebrate others’ gifts. (Romans 14; Romans 12:6; 1 Corinthians 12:4-31.)

You are able to give and receive trust and allow others to see you—and themselves—in a state of vulnerability and imperfection. You allow yourself and others the freedom to make mistakes. (1 Peter 3:8; Ephesians 4:2; Romans 14.)

*****

Have You Seen Him, Did You See

 His Hands  His Feet

Nailed Upon That Poplar Tree

A Crown of Thorns Upon His Brow

A Rain of Blood Flowing From His Body

                                             For To Wash Away Our Sins

                                         To Make Us Whole Again

                                              With His Love Mercy and Grace

Climbing
Climbing The Mountain

Kneeling On Both Knees

Tears Uncontained

Splintered Weathered Cross

Blood Stained Beams Glossed

Thorns Embedded Above

Proof Of The Fathers Love                                                                                                                     Jesus With Nail : Christ crucified Stock Photo

Rising From Knees Gone Weak

Spirit Sad, Very Bleak

Touching Blood Stains Of

His Feet

Power Of The Blood Showers

Forgiveness, Gratitude Surround

Spirit Sings, Dances, Declares
Hallelujah Hallelujah 
 Hallelujah

AMAZING GRACE HOW SWEET THE SOUND
THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME!

This is my favorite hymn, this one and Blessed Assurance are the songs that played when I was saved.

I was a wretch, I was never addicted to drugs or alcohol or sex or any of that don’t get me wrong I was and

still am a sinner although if  I am now, unintentionally.

I can not tell you how great I am with my walk with the Lord, I feel like a dehydrated woman crawling across the

desert and see an oasis not a mirage but an Honest to goodness oasis. My thirst is quenched for only a moment then I wan more.

with revival this week I am truly being revived. I have been healed of a lot,  unchained from guilt, forgiven of my sins and forgiven others

that had hurt me or mine. I am still a work in progress but I have to say I have fallen in love with our Lord and I am so full of joy and

the Holy spirit I can’t stay out of His word, I can’t stop thanking and praising him for all the blessings he has given me all these years and especially when

I was trying so hard to do it all on my own. Praise God He is worthy of our praise. there is nothing like it that

s all I can say for now.

THE VISITOR

The dime was just laying there on the sidewalk, Sean ran over it with his bike, he  had just got the training wheels off of it and now he was riding like the big kids. Mom said he could ride as long as he stayed out of the street go only on the sidewalk and to stop and move over when people were walking on it. It was hard because he wanted to see how fast he could go, he couldn’t do that on the sidewalk.

But what about the dime, should he pick it up, it didn’t belong to anyone now did it? His Sunday school teacher had said it was a sin to take what didn’t belong to you. But how would anyone know and he was saving for a horn for his bike. Oh what to do, twice he bent down to pick it up but didn’t. Then he remembered, he walked his bike over to the hedge around Mrs. Whites house leaned his bike up against them and put his hands together and bowed his head.

“Dear God, this is Sean McCraig in Akron, Ohio and I need your help if you could. I found this dime on the sidewalk but you already know that don’t you God ok what do I do God? Is it okay to take the dime or do I leave it? God if you could talk to me like you talk to mom and dad and the preacher where I can hear you I would know what to do, thank you God. I love you with my whole heart Amen.

Sean walked over to where the dime was lying and just looked down at it, an old man with his dog that he had never seen before walked by and the man said “It’s ok pick it up, it belongs to you now and he reached out to touch Seans
shoulder and a quarter dropped to the sidewalk. “Sir you dropped …..” The man and dog were gone, a voice came to Sean saying “it is yours as well my son.” Sean got the strangest feeling over his whole body like goosebumps and he shivered. Picking up both coins he jumped on his bike racing down the sidewalk to home to tell his mom  that he had seen God and his dog and show her the quarter and dime.

This journey I am on … the one where I am walking with Jesus ,

do you know Him?
It has become so much bigger than anyone can imagine
This journey before I  began walking with Christ left
me feeling like I was lighting a candle to find the sun

Now the sun shines in my heart, mind and soul
I am whole, I am worthy, I believe  with every fiber of
my being.
I get upset that I can not learn quick enough
Yet so much is coming back from teachings
I received  as a child. Books of the Bible,
verses, who begat who that sort of knowledge
that I truly believed I had forgotten.

But ohhh this newbie has so much further to go
in this walk and always will I am sure.

so keep praying for me  and I will for you !

****

FLY IN THE STARS

Flying among the stars
Visiting Orion, Libra and Mars
Flying among the stars
Through Phad, Zibal and Izar

Flying among the stars
Heavenward these wings are bound
No more chains to the ground
Flying among the stars
Reaching for the Father’s Hand

*****

I walk in the shadow of pain mountain

I walk to the mountain entrance of sin

I walk with a heavy unknowing heart

I walk towards forgiveness I can not feel

I walk towards the Holy Spirit and He forsakes me

I walk in prayer vigilantly, does He hear

I pray the mountain of pain away
I do not enter the sin
My heart still burdened but lighter
I beg forgiveness, can I forgive myself
I can’t give in to the Spirit
I have ears but I do not Hear.

God do not forsake me, forgive me, lift the burdens,
break the chains that bind me to this earth and the
worldly heart.

Lift my arms to honor you
tears on my cheeks in supplication
Prayers of thanksgiving
Sing your praises
Come into my heart and make me whole

Clap my hands singing hymns from days gone by
Watching the Spirit move and emotions high
Dancing in the aisles with spirit and joy
Healing taking place from man to woman to boy
Revival coming to town next week Alleiluah!!

CROSSROADS

“STANDING AT THE CROSSROADS OF LIFE” had been the theme of the valedictorian speech, at first I thought  not again this is the fourth graduation this month with this theme or very similar.

“Hi my name is Cheri no not Shari, Cherry like the fruit.  Yes I know but my parents liked it so here I am and no I will not tell you the middle name! I am a photographer kept busy by student pictures, graduations and weddings. Oh I am so tired of it all.

Photography was such a thrill when I began, but my dream of gallery shows and being famous just never gelled. I am still stuck in St. Louis taking photos of my classmates children.

I dream of love and family, a home in the burbs, no not a mini van I have one of those for work. But maybe a sleek BMW or Mercedes  big enough for a couple of curtain climbers and my cameras.

I wanted to travel for a time to war~torn countries for a major magazine or newspaper ..ahh the dreams.

Going home that night exhausted from the day I baked a potato and drank unsweetened tea. I kept thinking of the speeches I had heard all month….Standing at the crossroads what if that is what is happening to me? Is this why I have this discontent?

Taking a walk the next morning to get a newspaper and a croissant, I heard  music I looked up, realizing I was looking at a store front church and a choir was singing.  I stood there listening,then walking to the open door looking at the people raising their arms, some dancing in the aisles,
a middle-aged gentleman motioning me in “oh no, I can’t I… I’m not dressed for church.” He just smiled whispering “God loves you no matter what you have on” taking my arm he gently pulled me in. The feeling that instantly  came over me was  warmth and acceptance it wasn’t long and I was accepting the altar call and giving my life to Jesus. Today I take photos for several Christian magazines and I travel the world with my new husband. God has blessed me  and I love Him.

Raised by my grandparents (my fathers parents) in Pueblo, Colorado (just so happens I was born there too ) .

Gram was a Jehovah’s Witness so that is what I learned at an early age and believe me it was tough being a kid without birthday or Christmas celebrations.

When we went to visit my grams sisters in Oklahoma I sometimes went to church Baptist and Methodist and once or twice I visited the Seven Day  Adventist, don’t remember much about any of them.   When I was twelve or thirteen after coming to live with my mom in Kansas City, practically everyone in the neighborhood  was Catholic so I took catechism lessons and confirmed, I was a practicing Catholic until I divorced and remarried as I did not marry in the church and divorce is of course a big no-no, so I felt if they didn’t want me I didn’t want them.

After I was married and had a child I became divorced, my Mother had attended  a church and I decided to go with her  it was a an ok place I got real upset with the attitude of some people talking about whether others “really” had been slain in the spirit or just pretending for attention, just seemed to be a lot of gossip and back stabbing heck I could get that without going to church,    disappointed I quit going.
A while later I started going to another pentecostal church with some friends my age at the time and I really enjoyed it I was learning so much but for some reason my mothers  new husband didn’t like me going and he would walk right into the church find me and pull me out of there like I was a wayward child, which I guess I was. That embarrassed me so badly I didn’t go back, I didn’t attend church for a several years after that. Then my friend Beverly said we should go to church where her brother-in-law preached  well I ended up getting married in that church  had a big fine wedding with both extended families , huge cake, fountains the big bit  back then.  But new husband wasn’t a church goer so neither was I for a while after that, then he began abusing me and I decided I better get right with God.

I called Beverly and said I wanted to go back to church and bring my girls so we did at a different small Pentecostal church that had Bible study at her Uncle Buds house during the week , the girls and I were pretty faithful and went all the time that is where I was saved. In Uncle’s house on a Wednesday night I was filled with the Holy Spirit and spoke in tongues that night. I went through another divorce and with three beautiful daughters to support and the abuse I swore off men. I  worked two sometimes three jobs to support us and then not very well, after three years I met hubs and we lived together three years then married, built a fine house made it a home and life was good  who needed church? Ha I  many times over but I refused to listen I had my fill of hypocrites but I still prayed still read my Bible.

When it came time to sell our old house and move into town I prayed God would lead us to a nice home, good neighborhood and close to a church I could attend. Well let me tell you when I walked into this house after looking at 25-30 houses physically and 100’s on the net I knew this was the one and there were two churches within walking distance. But God had a different plan He told me this was our home, what He didn’t say is He was parking me next door to my future church family and pastor. I must say God moved on my heart to attend this neighbors church and  He double blessed me when my hubs said I will go to and he has, this is the most wonderful, warm spirit filled Bible teaching Word of God following church I have ever been to.  Hubs and I plan to be re-baptized and re-dedicate our lives to Christ in this church as well as renew our wedding vows for our 25th anniversary next month.
God does answer prayers He performs miracles He forgives and He loves. Glory Be to God In The Highest!

I heard the voice, but did not listen
It whispered in my ear
But I did not hear
It spoke a bit louder
I became a shouter
So I could not hear
Heard the voice in my heart
Felt it deep in my soul
Thank you Jesus
For now I am whole
I finally LISTENED!

Feeling unloved, unworthy, un-forgiven

Feeling overwhelmed, tired, yet driven

Feeling like an empty bottle washed ashore

There is a house where love for you is stored
It is in the house of the Lord and in His word
He will cause all your inequities to be gone

Just open your heart and mind then call upon

His glorious name Jesus, Father, God, Lord

Ask His forgiveness, Ask Him into your Heart
Then listen, listen and feel, feel your sins
Wash away, hear His voice welcoming you in.

 

John 3: 16 FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD,

THAT HE GAVE HIS ONLY BEGOTTEN SON,

THAT WHOSOEVER BELIEVETH SHOULD NOT

PERISH, BUT HAVE EVERLASTING LIFE. 

HE IS WORKING

Every single hour of every day God is working on me, giving me new insight and understanding’ filling me with the joy and the love I have so desperately looked for. Yet I am an incomplete portrait for I have yet to be 100% filled with the spirit, oh he has given me tongues to speak with out understanding, for the Bible says in, I Corinthians 14:14 ” For if I pray in an unknown tongue, my spirit prayeth, but my understanding is unfruitful.”

I have always been an impatient person what I call being self-absorbed, selfish  and believe me I have prayed and prayed to have these traits removed from me but to no avail yet. I know our Lord does things in his own time so I must be patient and therein lies the crux of that matter.

There are so many blessings I am grateful for as I have had an abundance of them even when I did not ask. The biggest  blessing is His bringing me back into the fold so to speak, and if I have to walk a little slower or a little longer to feel the fire in my soul and dance in the spirit then I will wait upon the Lord for He is my Saviour and I love Him

I know He is coming soon and I know He will take up His children  cutting the chains that bind us to this earth and I plan on being right there with Him. Praise God for He deserves our Praise, He is Worthy!

Have you made your choice to accept Jesus into your heart? All you have to do ask Him and He will be there for you!
John 7:37 Jesus says ….”If any man thirst, let him come unto me, and drink.”

FROM THE LIGHTHOUSE
TO OUR HOUSE
TO  GOD’S HOUSE
WHAT A WONDERFUL JOURNEY
TO TRAVEL WITH HIS SON
WALKING WITH ME THROUGH THE GATE

our burdens many, wearing us down
(Jesus carried a heavier cross)
our mountains steep and rocky
(the hill he climbed was longer)
our battles are many to fight
(Jesus said no victory with out a fight)
our prayers crying out “help me Lord”
( He gave his only begotten son)
His help will always come in the right time.

My God is a God of love
watching me from above
There are things for which
I depend
grass will grow, day and night
God will forgive keeping me right

I hear God even when not listening
For He resides in my heart I know
His  presence helps me thrive and grow
Without Him I admit defeat
With Him life is sweet

END TIMES
BUT KNOW THIS, THAT IN THE LAST DAYS PERILOUS TIMES WILL COME: FOR MEN WILL BE LOVERS OF THEMSELVES, LOVERS OF MONEY, BOASTERS, PROUD, BLASPHEMERS, DISOBEDIENT TO PARENTS, UNTHANKFUL, UNHOLY, UNLOVING, UNFORGIVING, SLANDERERS, WITHOUT SELF `CONTROL, BRUTAL DESPISERS OF GOOD, TRAITORS, HEADSTRONG, HAUGHTY, LOVERS OF PLEASURE RATHER THAN LOVERS OF GOD, HAVING A FORM OF GODLINESS BUT DENYING IT’S POWER. AND FROM SUCH PEOPLE TURN AWAY!! 2 TIMOTHY 3 : 1~5.

Is this not what we see in today’s world?  I don’t mean to offend anyone but I can not deny what the Word says about what is happening in our world today, can you?  The shooting in Auroa, Colorado another in  Kansas City, Missouri, fights while standing in line to buy the latest, newest electronic or phone.  Rape, murder, abuse of every imaginable and the unimaginable, just seems to me we are following right along with what was written in the Bible hundreds of years ago. Evil is among us and soon one will rise up claiming to be Christ  but he will be the AntiChrist…are you ready to stand up for Our God?

We praise and honor  our wonderful soldiers everyday for their bravery and willingness to give their lives for us, did not God give His only begotten son?  Should we not praise and worship Him for that and all the other blessings He has bestowed upon US?

SIN IN LIFE 
FULL OF STRIFE
MARK OF BEAST
CHIP UNDER SKIN

ACCEPT…REJECT 
DENY HIM 
PERISH
ACCEPT

LIVE ON HIS RIGHT SIDE!

*****

ROMANS 5 : 15  But not as the offence , so also is the free gift.
For if through the offence of one many be dead,
much more the grace of God, and the gift by grace,
which is by one man, Jesus Christ, hath abounded
unto many.

Wretched flesh, heart fails constantly
The diaphanous material conceals the shame
Sun shall abstain the heart
Through untold confines of wicked flesh
Disease of innumerable consequence
Possessors of  evil sickened hearts
Mortal life shall cease, yet saved by grace.

DROUGHT

Across our nation whole states are being declared natural disaster areas
As I hear the news and all the reports of homes being evacuated, others burned
My faith is shaken again for how could a loving God suffer his people?
This is where my heart has been for a long time in a drought of spiritual fullness. 


Finally I can say that my drought is over for in prayer I have become drought tolerant
When I bow my head in prayer my heart is filled with the living water of God
Upon my dried and burnt soul he quenches my thirst with streams of His word
I pray for our nation, our farmers and lakes and rivers for I fear there are going to be
many without food and water as our nations water tables drop to zero. This will bring
about a war in our streets among our own people I am afraid.

So I ask all of you that read this to think of your own parched soul and heart
Pray for yourself and your loved ones then those that are doing without right now
Pray that our prayers  be like rushing waters over the earth so that our gardens, crops,
lakes, rivers and waterways will fill to enable every one to eat and drink the necessities of life.

As a deer longs for flowing streams, so my soul
longs for you, O god.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
Psalms 42: 1-2

Our Crowns

Setting here in my sun room looking out at a dreary, sporadic, rainy day. The wind blowing tossing leaves from the giant oaks in the yard when it occurs to me that the brilliant colors look as if God is giving us a preview of the jewels in the crowns promised. The deep richness of the garnet, brilliant emerald green, the blood red of the ruby, the emerald of the night the peridot and the golden citrine. How amazing  and how blessed we are that He displays to us the beauty of every season change.

There are five crowns to be rewarded each with stars like diamonds and the beautiful jewels, which will be yours ?

Incorruptible    1 Cor. 9: 24~25
Rejoicing           1 Tess 2: 19 ~ 20, Dan 12 : 3
Life                     James 1 : 12
Righteousness  2 Tim 4 : 8
Glory                  1 Pet 5: 1~ 4

AT THE EDGE

standing at the edge of the water
in desperation and frustration
crying out for something or
someone to stop me if they care
standing at the edge of the water
fish jumps with multicolor hues

brilliant water drops color of
rainbow sparkle falling
bullfrog croaking, birds singing
in the rushes
standing at the edge of the water
crying out “save me Lord save me”
in frustration and desperation
the voice comes from all around me
you asked for someone to care
I just showed you that I care
from the water the fish live in to
the bull frog and birds none are
insignificant to me and neither
my son nor are you.
standing on the waters edge I met
the God I had never believed in fully

MIGHTY WAR

SATAN LAUGHS AS HE SEES
AN ANGEL BANISHED JUST AS HE
HAHAHAHA HE CONTINUES
TIS MINE THIS ONE YOU LET GO

A SHOUT “BANISHED I WILL NOT BE
DEVIL YOU HAD BETTER FLEE
FOR THAT SOUL BELONGS TO ME”

LIGHTENING FLASHES
THUNDER ROLLS
CLOUDS DROP LOW

HEAVEN OPENS
ANGELS SING
SWORDS ARE GIVEN
WITH GOLDEN RINGS

BANISHED SHE WILL NOT BE
THAT SOUL BELONGS TO
THE GREAT  I AM
AND SHE STRIKES
WITH A MIGHTY SLAM

WHEN ALL IS DONE SHE SETS HER 
WREATH MADE OF ROSES UPON HER HEAD
OPENING HER WINGS~~ 


~~REACHING OUT HER HAND
SHE GATHERS  THE SILVER CORD
AROUND HER WRIST
GIVING SATAN A LITTLE TWIST


TIS ON THE RIGHT OF THE
GREAT ALPHA
THIS SOUL SHALL STAY
DEVIL WE WILL PLAY
AGAIN ANOTHER DAY. 

 

SEARCHING

” YOU WILL SEEK ME AND FIND ME, WHEN YOU SEARCH FOR ME WITH ALL YOUR HEART” JER 29:13

SEARCHING FOR MORE TO LIFE THAN

WHAT I HAVE, 

I WANT TO NOT BE LONELY

 SEARCHING FOR LOVE, A MATE

CYBER~SPACE PERHAPS

WHY DO I HURT WHY IS THERE PAIN ?

I AM SEARCHING ..SELF HELP BOOKS

DATING ONLINE, GO TO CLUBS,

 SEARCHING WITH EYES SIDE TO SIDE

LOOK IN THAT CAR , NO TOO FAR 

WHY CAN I NOT FIND WHAT I AM SEARCHING FOR?

WENT TO CHURCH WITH A NEIGHBOR

FOUND MY SALVATION!  FOUND MY MAN!

HIS NAME IS JESUS  HE WALKS WITH ME

NO MORE BOOKS , NO MORE CLUBS

NOW INVOLVED WITH  CYBER~SPACE

CALLED HEAVEN ~ABOVE!

DOWN ON MY KNEES

I KNELT TO MY KNEES AND BEGAN TO PRAY

MY HEART WASN’T IN IT AND IT WAS BY ROTE

I DID THIS THING EACH DAY.

FEELING GOD HAD BETRAYED ME, ABANDONED ME

I PRAYED ‘JUST IN~CASE,’ HALF~HEARTEDLY

ASKING FOR HELP. WITH BOREDOM AND LACK OF 

FAITH I PRAISED AND THANKED, RISING FROM MY

KNEES

NO LIGHTNING BOLTS OR MIRACLES

ALL IS THE SAME, MY HEART HAS DIED SO MUCH

SO MANY TIMES
NOT EVEN GOD CAN REACH MY HEART

PRAYER

He clasps his hands in prayer for the loved one gone astray

On his knees asking God to protect, to cover this child

with protection from the evil surrounding her, show her the

path Lord  open the heart that has been frozen. Protect the

child of this child Lord, in body mind and spirit.

God let them know that they are forever loved

here on earth and in the heavens above.

GATES

The gates to heaven are made of barbed wire

one last test of faith , for the crown of thorns

once worn by the SON cannot be endured by

mere mortals, but to walk His path we must

mar our hands as His were nailed and torn

For He gave His life for our committed sins

So that barb wired gate will open and let us in.

****

2013 ~ May first the day of my birth sixty~one years ago, my Daddy’s birthday present he used to tell me as his birthday is the third. Funny sounding that phrase, ‘my sixty~one years”.

I do not feel sixty~one I feel physically much older but emotionally and in my mind

I am 30 to 35!  If only I had known then and all that but I didn’t and I still don’t.

Each year I become more melancholy and yet wiser (I think).  I tend to reflect more

on the past and have realized although there are many things I could regret there

are few that I actually do. I learned by the paths I walked and stumbled on, I have experienced

and try in my wise old years to impart that bit of experience to others …sometimes when it most definitely is not appreciated…. and that is when I step back and say but I have earned the right  due

to my years. 🙂

Arrogant, rude sometimes, depressing, I am self~centered and believe I am always right even when proven wrong some part of my thought had to be right. Still don’t know in these the winter of my years what I want to be when I grow up  (hmm guess I’ve done that ) anyway  that is why I put pen to paper when it was suggested as grief therapy. I found that I have some ability and if no one ever likes what I pen well then that is alright for I accomplished something for myself.

I have found the older I get the more I want to learn and the more spiritual as well, I believe in God and I pray not as often as I should, nor do I read my handheld Bible everyday,  I do read other books or online scripture. I have been blessed with a God loving group of friends on face book and we all pray for each other daily in some way.  I am sure you can tell by this meandering I have no friends outside of family in “real” life.

I guess what I am trying to say is I like me and I am loved by some not liked by others  but I am here  today and God’s plan, not being known, I will be here for as long as he allows and I hope that in this 61 years I have impacted someone somewhere with something I have written or said or will write someday.  If not then I have traveled another path that does not help me discover my purpose and I believe God will forgive me for not knowing.

Oh I really did get off course there, anyway just wanted to say I am glad I am who I am and what I have been through has made me a very strong woman and survivor, after these sixty~one years I am happy.

*****

What the hell  who does he think he is taking my child leaving me this hurt and anguish!
Haven’t I been through enough??? Haven’t I tried ..kick me .. hit me…beat me till I spend three weeks in hospital ..my babies with strangers..
No money, no food, no home my babies left with family that felt the burden ..but I pulled myself up GOD I did it. working my ass off 16-18 hours just to make a home for my girls.
Honest, didn’t sleep around like some, different guy everyday sometimes twice, as accused
didn’t steal even when I was so hungry, I wouldn’t steal , lie yes of course tell some guy on the other side of the bar you might go out with him just so he would buy you another drink out of your tea bottle..buck and a half closer…
so why the hell me God ?? why can’t I be the mom I want to be, why can’t they see the love and trust it? And why God Why did you take my first born? How fair was that huh? how fair was that when I HAVE ALWAYS followed your rules!! She was so close to you ..used to thank me for taking her to church and teaching her..So why God Why??
Right now I think I hate you ! I’m supposed to “believe” have faith’ claim what I want and need from you  because you will ‘give me the desires of my heart’ well
you took my heart ! It’s battered and bruised and will never be whole again! Why God Why?
My life has never been fair but I didn’t complain about fairness ever, it was always ‘your plan for me’  well what kind of plan is this God?

*****

God knows your value; He sees your potential. You may not understand everything you are going through right now. But hold your head up high, knowing that God is in control and he has a great plan and purpose for your life. Your dreams may not have turned out exactly as you’d hoped, but the bible says that God’s ways are better and higher than our ways, even when everybody else rejects you, remember, God stands before you with His arms open wide. He always accepts you. He always confirms your value. God sees your two good moves! You are His prized possession. No matter what you go through in life, no matter how many disappointments you suffer, your value in God’s eyes always remains the same. You will always be the apple of His eye. He will never give up on you, so don’t give up on yourself

A Piece of Your Mind Please

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