MY YEAR OF 2014


Many that follow this blog know I have been away for some time, healing to the extent a mother can when she loses a child. Learning to love life again and accepting that every day for the rest of my life I will miss my precious daughter, but that I must heal and bend into this new normal and be the me I was before…before my world fell apart. I am picking up the pieces and moving on, not easy but with love in my heart for the preciousness of life and spreading that love in every way physically by deed and with my words.

This year of 2014 has been one of insignificance in some ways, everyday hum drum, losing loved ones, gaining new friends, building relationships, helping others to grow. I suppose no different for me than for many others. This year has been one of reflection as well, as I grow in age, maturity and wisdom I find that with age comes a lot of shaking my head in amazement at the memories of things I have done or said. Believing I was so smart or witty when in reality at 63 years seven months and 22 days I am not much more mature, educated or steadfast than at the age of 25 or 30. 
I have learned this year that it is okay to be all those things I was at 25, I can still be stubborn, opinionated; believe in one God, family, friends and to take back my joy.

I have learned this year that it is okay to express love to embrace it and then throw it away like confetti raining down during the stroke of the clock at midnight on New Year’s Eve. I have come to believe that everyone is capable of love and of accepting it when given if one chooses. My philosophy this whole year has been to give the love I have inside hoping it challenges the receiver to pay it forward in their circle, to experience the weight that tends to lift from the shoulders when they start spreading love as I have.

I do not mean go around hugging everyone and saying “I love you” unless that is your thing.  I do not and have never let a loved one leave the house, a call or a text without saying I love you, just something I do personally and the rewards, oh my the reward that comes from those three words. Say in your mind each day, “today I will love everyone” make it your mantra. When stuck in traffic and feeling the rage, or sharp words with a co-worker, a child, a spouse just whisper in your mind “today I will love everyone” and you will see how much your attitude, your mind, your spirit/soul begins to feel lighter and more joyful. This, I have done, this year of 2014 and it has been wonderful.
Don’t get me wrong I have had days, weeks of bad ; arguments with grown children, service providers, my chair sitter, especially when he starts “sun downing”  (Alzheimer’s) many of life’s normal irritants’ but through it all I am loving and I thank God for giving me the opportunity to do so.
I love you.

VALENTINE LOVE


The nursery that had never seen a baby in all the years they had tried for one, she  dragged the old vanity bench from her room to the closet, the old doc had said after the last one lost it was too hard on her body to keep trying. Climbing up on the bench she stretched reaching to the back of the shelf she pulled out an old paper wrapped box. At one time the box had been red but now a faded pink and orange as if from faded sunlight, the doily heart stitched in the center still held. Blowing off the fine film of dust, she stepped carefully from the bench surprised it held while she was on it both being older and she heavier now. Walking over to the cot in the room she sat and gently opened the lid, pieces of the paper flaking off and falling to the thread bare carpet underneath her feet. Tears welled up in her old rheumy eyes as she gazed upon her beloved Jasper’s handwriting, every card, note, and letter he had ever written was contained in this box
 She had made it when she was but a young girl of ten, Jasper gave her this card right here on Valentine’s Day when she was nine years old. This one when she was thirteen, and this one when he proposed, with all the notes through seventy-one years of marriage and this bundle here the letters when he went off to war. Oh how she missed her best friend, husband, companion and lover gone now eleven years and her going to be one hundred one next month he went peacefully in his sleep, she wished she had gone too for it was just so lonely without him.

She had not thought of these old cards for some time not until she had noticed the children walking past the house on their way home from school with their little red bags and boxes with hearts. Then she remembered it was Valentine’s Day, their anniversary of eighty –one years she believed; time had done a trick on her memory and especially with arithmetic which she never was any good at anyway, she chuckled to herself.

Ella read the majority of Jaspers cards and letters and as the sun began to set, she opened the old trunk that sat under the window in that room. Taking out a tissue wrapped dress she laid it on the cot with its floor length train and veil as if resting on the pillow. She gazed through rheumy eyes at the yellowing lace remembering and seeing it white as the pure snow and how it flared out at the bottom as they danced that day. 
Slipping off her house dress she donned the faded yellow gown surprised it was a near perfect fit she was a little wider in the hip but it did fit. Placing the veil upon her white head she looked in the mirror and time washed away she was eighteen again and Jasper was reaching out his hand standing at the alter smiling.

Newspaper Article.
Ella Rose Ford (nee Jackson) a homemaker of Peach Grove, Georgia found in her home
February 14th,  passed peacefully in her sleep. She was preceded in death
by her husband  Colonel Jasper William Ford of the area.  This would have been the
Fords eighty-first wedding anniversary. No other survivors known.