Terror in Our Country & My Heart


Since my heart attacks and my mini-stroke my memory & thought processes are nearly null & void. But I have paid attention to what is going on in our world and especially our country since DJT became the leader. All through the campaign, I listened and I watched and I became fearful. At first, like many, I said to myself and a few family members “oh no he won’t be elected, ” I just knew the most qualified woman would be elected alas it wasn’t to be and there are many factors that played into that but I want to talk about something that is happening right now, although it has been happening for some time it has gotten progressively worse and I have to speak out, I have to write it out here in hopes that the heaviness in my heart will lift.
The burden on my heart is what is happening at our borders to the refugees that are coming here to what they hoped will be a better life only to find their children are being ripped from their breasts and not seen again. I don’t recognize this country anymore. Please don’t tell me about Native Americans, slavery or Japanese Internment Camps, I remember my history lessons and my family ( I say this with shame)  owned slaves in Alabama and they fought to keep them, my half-sisters are 1/2 Cherokee. I know the horror of what was done.
I visited Auschwitz in Poland just typing the name makes the hair on my neck rise. What I see and hear happening today with all the tent cities, children being taken away for baths, the brutality of police shooting unarmed black men and boys for minor if any infractions The lies and the blame that comes every day from the highest office in our land, the manipulation of the stock market, the shouts of “lock her up”, the scream of “fake news” the undermining of our judicial system. It is a five-alarm fire every day and it is terrifying.
I know the people that voted for DJT thinking a businessman would right the wrongs in their world and thought the country needed to go a different direction are not the uneducated, ignorant racist many are called but so many are and I wonder every day is this what they wanted? Is it okay that the 401K’s, stocks and savings they counted on are dropping daily? Are they okay with the tariffs that will put our farmers out of business, with the absence of healthcare and the rest that is taking place? Was it worth hearing those babies crying for their Papi & Mami and the workers view them through the cages not being able to pick them up and soothe them because it’s against policy due to giving no chance of sexual abuse? And where are the little girls?
I don’t know the answers, I am an emotional person, things like this tear me up inside and it terrifies me. I am afraid for those children, I am afraid for my own children and grandchildren, what kind of world are we leaving them?
I’m sorry I know I am rambling and making no sense I just had to write this out.
#Resistance is all we have please vote to change our legislature in November this year, please.

GROWING OLDER


When do we realize how old we have become
Is it when we see the deep lines etched on our face
the dullness of hearing and eyesight
When the once ramrod spine begins to shrink
Is it when we feel our strength begin to wane
When each limb becomes stiff each chore
becomes harder due to the pain
In our youth, we failed to see how it would be
We believed the hype of”Golden Years”
Now we weep for the past our hearts stirred
by the melancholy of past years.
We live each day, long days
leaving us to wonder where did it go
Why are we left in this last stage of life
that seems to linger as we become numb,
frozen, hoping each day of pain will be the last?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why The Best…


We place our hearts in the hard frozen ground
shedding tears over the coffin turning them to icicles to
melt and flow again, as they will time and again from this day forward.
We’ve placed the spray of flowers, plucking one or two as a
memento as if we should ever need reminding.
Young and old we put in beautiful boxes, subconsciously
believing the more beautiful the box the more others
know how deep our love.
We place them one at a time or 17, 26, or 100’s
No matter what has caused us to buy tiny plots of ground
all lined up with numbers and names individually or in masses.
Down into the hardened ground, the dark, to never see the light again Never to laugh, dance, love, live.
Fragments of dust, the best of us is gone.
So hard to accept, to cope, to understand
Why the best of us is gone.

© Copyright 2018, All Rights Reserved

 

Someday


Someday you will find me in a dark dirty neighborhood bar
where beer is served so cold it hurts your teeth to slurp it down
where cold sandwiches and a bag of chips are served for
breakfast, lunch, and dinner if you last that long
I’ll have crumbled Marlboro packs around me and ashes on
my shirt,  burn holes in my old faded jeans.
If you look for me someday and I’m not at the bar I will be
at the old Wurlitzer playing all the oldies a dollar at a time,
Someday you will find me passed out on my sofa a
cigarette burnt to my fingers, whiskey bottle in my hand
the old turntable scratching the end of the song.
Someday you’ll look at me with sympathy and disgust
written on your face, wondering how I got to such a state.
Just know that somewhere sometime I don’t know when
my someday of happiness, love, life left me to this
darkened world of depression and this dirty lonely life.

I FEEL YOU


Photos in an old cracked album
Yellowed corners curled
Greeting cards given over the years
Signed with love, your signature
A jewelry box with sparkly things
A junior high diary, key unfound
Rents my heart into again and again
We were together for the better
and the worst, we survived it all

I had your name tattooed on my wrist
I see it and I know you are with me
As if I need to know that by seeing ink.
I feel you in my heart
I wake with you my first thought
I close my eyes at dark with you my thought
Then the tears they fall, the heart rips again
I wake with you my first thought and a bed
full of tissues.

 

 

Regret


No one can know
How I’m feeling
How empty and alone
I toss and I turn
I can’t sleep it seems
Before the sun begins to rise
Your face and my words
Haunt my thoughts
Looping thru my head
Tears fall shamefully
Each drop filled with regret
Deep inside I know it’s
All my fault that you’re gone
I am dying inside
Do my feelings matter…anyone?

 

LOVING WITH ALZHEIMERS


“I told you yesterday and the day before” she snaps but only in her mind. Some days she is afraid the words actually come out of her mouth for him to hear. In no way would she remind him knowing how bad he would feel forgetting, the frustration and anger with himself.
The days are long and lonely for them both, no one but doctor appointment reminders or telemarketers call. No one comes by to visit even the housekeeper they could barely afford comes anymore.
He sleeps in his recliner in front of the tv not liking to sleep in the bedroom anymore which at times she appreciates  yet most times not. She misses the feel of him, the warmth heck even the snoring.
Many days  when the weather is pleasant she has him sit outside on the deck for the fresh air and sun while she slowly cleans, oh for the days when she could clean more than one room a day. She learned to lock the gates the first day he decided to wander, one minute he was sitting quietly the next he was gone. Racing outside to look and her heart stopped seeing the gate swung open. She quickly slammed it shut and to the front of the house, she ran as quickly as she could and there he stood, he looked up from the Elephant Ear plant and calmly as if he was unaware of her panting breath and the grimace of pain on her face  stated, “look how big these leaves have grown.”
Times like these she thought maybe just maybe God will be good to them and keep him at this stage, she could live with him like this happily for many years. Then he looks at her to the plant and back to her and mumbles something about being late for work and her heart weeps again.