Terror in Our Country & My Heart

Since my heart attacks and my mini-stroke my memory & thought processes are nearly null & void. But I have paid attention to what is going on in our world and especially our country since DJT became the leader. All through the campaign, I listened and I watched and I became fearful. At first, like many, I said to myself and a few family members “oh no he won’t be elected, ” I just knew the most qualified woman would be elected alas it wasn’t to be and there are many factors that played into that but I want to talk about something that is happening right now, although it has been happening for some time it has gotten progressively worse and I have to speak out, I have to write it out here in hopes that the heaviness in my heart will lift.
The burden on my heart is what is happening at our borders to the refugees that are coming here to what they hoped will be a better life only to find their children are being ripped from their breasts and not seen again. I don’t recognize this country anymore. Please don’t tell me about Native Americans, slavery or Japanese Internment Camps, I remember my history lessons and my family ( I say this with shame)  owned slaves in Alabama and they fought to keep them, my half-sisters are 1/2 Cherokee. I know the horror of what was done.
I visited Auschwitz in Poland just typing the name makes the hair on my neck rise. What I see and hear happening today with all the tent cities, children being taken away for baths, the brutality of police shooting unarmed black men and boys for minor if any infractions The lies and the blame that comes every day from the highest office in our land, the manipulation of the stock market, the shouts of “lock her up”, the scream of “fake news” the undermining of our judicial system. It is a five-alarm fire every day and it is terrifying.
I know the people that voted for DJT thinking a businessman would right the wrongs in their world and thought the country needed to go a different direction are not the uneducated, ignorant racist many are called but so many are and I wonder every day is this what they wanted? Is it okay that the 401K’s, stocks and savings they counted on are dropping daily? Are they okay with the tariffs that will put our farmers out of business, with the absence of healthcare and the rest that is taking place? Was it worth hearing those babies crying for their Papi & Mami and the workers view them through the cages not being able to pick them up and soothe them because it’s against policy due to giving no chance of sexual abuse? And where are the little girls?
I don’t know the answers, I am an emotional person, things like this tear me up inside and it terrifies me. I am afraid for those children, I am afraid for my own children and grandchildren, what kind of world are we leaving them?
I’m sorry I know I am rambling and making no sense I just had to write this out.
#Resistance is all we have please vote to change our legislature in November this year, please.


How do you ask forgiveness when you
don’t believe you were entirely wrong
when the other won’t meet, talk with you
when the other claims “I won’t say because
I respect you” and walks away, without saying
what they believe you did or said something
when all their life they have held an underlying anger
toward you and refused to discuss what or why?
When you know you have spoken hurtful words
cutting words because you yourself were hurting by
the others words and actions
How do you forgive yourself?



When do we realize how old we have become
Is it when we see the deep lines etched on our face
the dullness of hearing and eyesight
When the once ramrod spine begins to shrink
Is it when we feel our strength begin to wane
When each limb becomes stiff each chore
becomes harder due to the pain
In our youth, we failed to see how it would be
We believed the hype of”Golden Years”
Now we weep for the past our hearts stirred
by the melancholy of past years.
We live each day, long days
leaving us to wonder where did it go
Why are we left in this last stage of life
that seems to linger as we become numb,
frozen, hoping each day of pain will be the last?









First Day of Spring

The first day of Spring and all its promises…
Leaning against the window frame watching the sun come up
It rises gently as I drink from my emptying coffee cup
The brilliant cardinals flit in and out of the pine tree in the neighbors’ yard across
the street as the family of squirrels in my old oak begin to scurry about.
I stand there feeling happy and blessed although alone
then the neighbor to the east of me starts his Harley scaring the birds
the squirrels and me.
I turn with an obscene thought for him then smile knowing he will be gone
most of the day.

Tonight I Cried

Tonight I totally lost all semblance of strength and just burst into tears. Not a day goes by I don’t think of my daughter, it’s seven years and the pan is as raw today as it was Feb 19, 2011. Generally, I can think of her with happiness and a bit of a trembling lip when the fact she is gone hits me. Yet tonight I lost it as if I had just received that horrible phone call. I know the agony of losing her will be with me until the day I pass away but Lord I wish it didn’t hurt so bad the majority of the time.
My immune system and other ailments have me weak physically and stress has had me for a really long time, depression as well. I just thought I was doing so well and if others were around and hubs weren’t asleep they would be putting me in a straitjacket.
I don’t know why I am writing this just needed to get it off my chest. I need no pity or comfort I just needed to write it.


The first day of Daylight Savings Time (DST), it is a dark, gloomy, cloudy day feeling like winter more than a nearness of Spring. I had hoped for a bright glorious day to give us all huge smiles. It would be a day with one less hour of the fake in the WH and his crew.
Instead, it was a day that had a ray of beautiful sun beamed through the window onto the hardwood floor, I would have tripped over it.

Why The Best…

We place our hearts in the hard frozen ground
shedding tears over the coffin turning them to icicles to
melt and flow again, as they will time and again from this day forward.
We’ve placed the spray of flowers, plucking one or two as a
memento as if we should ever need reminding.
Young and old we put in beautiful boxes, subconsciously
believing the more beautiful the box the more others
know how deep our love.
We place them one at a time or 17, 26, or 100’s
No matter what has caused us to buy tiny plots of ground
all lined up with numbers and names individually or in masses.
Down into the hardened ground, the dark, to never see the light again Never to laugh, dance, love, live.
Fragments of dust, the best of us is gone.
So hard to accept, to cope, to understand
Why the best of us is gone.

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