How do you ask forgiveness when you
don’t believe you were entirely wrong
when the other won’t meet, talk with you
when the other claims “I won’t say because
I respect you” and walks away, without saying
what they believe you did or said something
when all their life they have held an underlying anger
toward you and refused to discuss what or why?
When you know you have spoken hurtful words
cutting words because you yourself were hurting by
the others words and actions
How do you forgive yourself?
The first day of Spring and all its promises…
Leaning against the window frame watching the sun come up
It rises gently as I drink from my emptying coffee cup
The brilliant cardinals flit in and out of the pine tree in the neighbors’ yard across
the street as the family of squirrels in my old oak begin to scurry about.
I stand there feeling happy and blessed although alone
then the neighbor to the east of me starts his Harley scaring the birds
the squirrels and me.
I turn with an obscene thought for him then smile knowing he will be gone
most of the day.
Loneliness does not come from having no people around you,
but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to you
Important to me but afraid to say for the ridicule I know will come, the overheard remarks of “she’s crazy, she’s trippin.” No, what I feel, what I need are not the same as
what you want or need. The importance of ME is not important to you.
It is your feelings, your words, your needs that must be met, you’ll get to me when it
is convenient for you.
I asked you to lunch just to spend some time with you, forty-seven days later you acquiesced but had to drink to what? Dull the pain of being with me to tolerate me?
I told you how special you were how pretty and proud of you I am but you had to have another drink so you looked for the server…I knew you were not interested in what I had to say.
My broken heart, my loneliness, my just wanting to spend time with you was not what you needed or wanted, I was secondary when for such a brief time all I wanted was to be important to you for but a moment.
© Copyright 2017, All Rights Reserved
As a child
Storybook pages bent at the corners
marking wishes to come true.
Dreams, music, independence, poetry
First loves, first heartbreak
Clouds blocking the sun
Drifting across the sky as does life
Fulfilled dreams…or not
Memories built up like thunderstorms
Crashing through the mind