I am so very tired. I cannot seem to gain strength and rest. When I sleep I wake every couple of hours with tears on my cheeks, dread in my heart and the pit of my stomach. I am lost and I know that only I can find myself and fix whatever is wrong (oh my gosh I sound like that insane president). I have been a whiner, cryer and all around victim since my daughter was killed six years ago.  My husbands health issues, my own issues my grandsons suicide, just so much strife with my daughters and the rest of the family. I am tired. I am an educated woman, I was homeless with my three children at one time working for $25.00 cash daily, living n an old car, we climbed out of that and grew, so why can I not find that strength now? I want so badly to be happy and enthusiastic about life again. I haven’t wanted to write because I knew it would just be my bitch session, my self-pity party but I am also thinking if I do this maybe I can shame myself into pulling myself up by bootstraps an do something. Who knows if it will work but I have to try.