When someone you love dies, and it is not something you expected it is a shock to your whole system. It is not easy to describe to anyone how terrible the pain is in the time afterward how absolute it is, how it is like a cell inside your body a cancerous cell that creeps and slithers and grows threading itself through every inch of your body ripping and shredding you inside.
Grief destroys not just you but the relationships you have with others. You dwell on the relationship you had with the one that died, your mind walks through all the days filled with the events you shared. The long phone calls, the meals you prepared together, the
laughter and the tears you shared, the holidays and yes even the arguments, you are consumed by the memories. And the relationships you have with others? They disintegrate, not because you don’t share the pain of loss but because you do, each one is shredded inside and the hurt blinds one from the other until they lash out with all that pain and it is released by shouts and hurtful knife slashing words, and they leave you. Then you find yourself alone and crying and hurting feeling that cancerous cell slithering and growing inside consuming your mind, your body, and your soul.
Now you are alone with your memories scared, crying, screaming. The days pass, the nights both short or long depending on where your mind has wandered. During the day you are able to keep busy with your work or watching tv or reading, but one word a look or a glance of someone with the same stature, hair color style or their profile reminds you and that knife rips your gut and heart causing you to fall apart dropping to your knees clutching your chest or stomach trying to hold in the screams.
Time passes then one day without realizing it the emptiness begins to fill up, each day fewer tears fall, the wrenching pain subsides. The days and nights pass, each one counted, wondering how much more must you endure before you join the loved one that left you alone with nothing but the memories and the love, the love that you have for someone that dies.