Holiday 2016


There are six days until  Christmas and my emotions are all over the place. I am brimming with sadness and tears that come at unexpected and unwanted times. I miss my family so much I understand why they can’t be here. I am lonely, sad, angry and without an ounce of joy.
I tried to watch Christmas movies on the Hallmark channel and played Christmas music, held on to the railing side stepping my way to the basement and looked at the trees and ornaments…nothing stirred the excitement, eagerness, and creativity I usually get. I hobbled back upstairs and said to hell with it.
It isn’t just missing family or my counting the years since my daughter was killed it is this year all the way around. The hubs with the memory loss, my on health, family issues and yes even this political environment, I am so very disappointed in my fellow countrymen and women. I feel a great sadness for this country.
So here I sit with no joy of the season no eagerness of waiting for the arrival of family, no plans to cook special dishes or shopping for the perfect gifts.
This is truly a sad year for me and I can only hope that I can get past this season and into the new year with some positivity, I am going to try very hard to get out of this angst I feel.
To all that read this blog thank you, all will be right and go the way it is meant to be, won’t it as our destiny is preordained isn’t it? Anyway….
I hope and wish for all to have a beautiful holiday with friends and family surrounding you with love and good cheer. Happy Holidays to one and all!

About lenwilliamscarver

A simple woman of simple means, walking a gravel road on my journey, made stronger by paths taken barefoot, pain endured, and revealed in these writings. Mistakes made some taught a lesson some lessons ignored, now learning to forgive myself.
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5 Responses to Holiday 2016

  1. I feel your emotions, Len, I have lost two sons, and have several illnesses that I always have to deal with. But love is alive, from God, and the brothers and sisters which share our lives by blessing us with visits on our blogs. I wish you a Merry Christmas and know that His love embraces you every day, through all who have chosen to follow you and those who now make you smile. I know the loss of children is especially hard during the holiday seasons. Maybe I can make you smile with a poem I wrote awhile back. God never tells us how long someone might be in our lives, so we must always share our love with others, that we too may be nourished by their love. I know your faith is strong as is your love my brother. One day we will be called to embrace all of your loved ones again. Here is a poem, I wrote for both of my children, that I want to share with you, my brother;

    “BUTTERFLIES”

    Whenever I see the butterflies flying
    I am reminded of your smiling faces,
    As I see them taking wing into the sky
    I feel emotions which are never displaced

    For in, my heart also live the butterflies
    As they come to life deep within me each day
    While I count the different memories of you
    Which in my thoughts and dreams daily stay

    The brightness of their many vibrant colors
    Produce a vivid rainbow deep within my mind
    Which fills my heart with such unwavering joy
    Allowing me to enjoy them for an endless time

    The butterflies will be my deepest treasure
    Leaving me never again in life feeling the same
    As the peace they bring to me can’t be measured
    For imprinted on their wings are both of your names.

    One day we will embrace all of our loved ones again!
    I wish you a Merry Christmas! God bless!

  2. andy1076 says:

    Well, I still hope you will accept a hug from me for this holidays from Vancouver 🙂

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