LOVING WITH ALZHEIMERS


“I told you yesterday and the day before” she snaps but only in her mind. Some days she is afraid the words actually come out of her mouth for him to hear. In no way would she remind him knowing how bad he would feel forgetting, the frustration and anger with himself.
The days are long and lonely for them both, no one but doctor appointment reminders or telemarketers call. No one comes by to visit even the housekeeper they could barely afford comes anymore.
He sleeps in his recliner in front of the tv not liking to sleep in the bedroom anymore which at times she appreciates  yet most times not. She misses the feel of him, the warmth heck even the snoring.
Many days  when the weather is pleasant she has him sit outside on the deck for the fresh air and sun while she slowly cleans, oh for the days when she could clean more than one room a day. She learned to lock the gates the first day he decided to wander, one minute he was sitting quietly the next he was gone. Racing outside to look and her heart stopped seeing the gate swung open. She quickly slammed it shut and to the front of the house, she ran as quickly as she could and there he stood, he looked up from the Elephant Ear plant and calmly as if he was unaware of her panting breath and the grimace of pain on her face  stated, “look how big these leaves have grown.”
Times like these she thought maybe just maybe God will be good to them and keep him at this stage, she could live with him like this happily for many years. Then he looks at her to the plant and back to her and mumbles something about being late for work and her heart weeps again.


I dug a hole very deep under the elm tree
might seem a grave I dug for thee
I dug deeper still these feelings to kill
Anger, loss, grief and stupidity still
For now I drop them in, all the lies
pledges, promises broken, hurt
every handwritten note in earth I laid
All the lies I heard and I once forgave
I pushed them down the hole deep
As I continued to weep
I pressed them hard in the dirt beneath
Pressing lips and grinding my teeth
I placed one mossy rock upon another
just what was close and no bother
then twined a ribbon of daisies wreath
Like our love they died but with no grief