Last night  just a few miles from my home a ten year old little girl was shot and killed as she sat in her living room, it was a drive-by. A few nights before this one a six year old child after buying bubble gum walked  out of a convience store with her Daddy was shot and killed, a few days prior the school shootings in Washington. I don’t know how many more but I am sure many that we don’t hear about on our local news, I only know it wrenches my heart each time.
I don’t cope well with hearing or reading of these deaths, each time a father dies in an auto accident or a mother passes from breast cancer my heart hurts and I begin to cry. It is a loss of a loved one to someone somewhere. There are all types of memes and even books or counselors to help with grief and perhaps I am too sensitive to death of others because I have experienced so much of it, I only know my heart aches and I want so badly to reach out with a hug and a helping hand yet I don’t as I can barely hold onto my sanity at such times.
I find it quite difficult to have the right words to say to those that have lost a child or loved one be it brother, sister etc. What others struggle to say at such times, sounds so trite to my ears although I know all are meant from the deep recesses of ones heart and they want to help the ones left; I just cannot speak words of comfort as my tears flow from my cheeks with my pain of loss. It has been four years this February since I lost my daughter, you would think by now I would be able to support some semblance of decorum but I cannot, there must be something wrong with me that I am no longer able to act “normally” for others going through their loss.

Positive Note

Woke to the sound of a small plane overhead
looking out the window, see a banner from the tail
unable to read it’s message, but thought what
a beautiful way to start the day if that banner read
God loves you or Today is the first day of the rest
of your life or something on a positive note that would
start everyones day on a cheery note…..but…sigh
life is what it is we all wake with thoughts swirling
through our heads, bills to pay, jobs to go to, children to feed,
laundry to do, parents to care for. Some will think of their
teminal illness or a loved one that is dying. Some will wake
alone having lost a spouse of face the loss of a child,
There are a million thoughts and deeds to get through
each day. Isn’t it amazing that we have the ability to face
this day with strength and resilance  should we choose to ?
I am choosing to be happy today that I am alive, that I
have pain that says “you are alive”  I hope you do to.