45 years ago


45 years ago tomorrow I gave birth to a 6 pound 4 ounce 21 and a half inches long baby girl. God loaned her to me for 41 years then called her back home. The depth of joy felt at her birth has turned to the depths of sorrow and grief for a life taken to early by anothers hand. Happy Birthday to my beautiful daughter. Klysta LaNell Breshears Aug. 29, 1969~ Feb. 19, 2011.
My beautiful daughter, so blessed with the birth of you…
Such perfect features with coal-black fuzz on your head
I was enraptured, the wonderment of you.
You looked up at me as if you knew,
I would love and protect you till the end of my life.
I watched you through the years,
as you blossomed and grew
Into a beautiful strong young woman, yet I knew
Someday you would leave me as children…

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I thank all that commented on my last post from face book. I know I should apologize for leaving so many of you hanging and I appreciate those that have put forth the effort to check on me now nad again. 
I have been suffering such a deep depression and have been blindly numbing my grief as well with a lot of reposting memes on face book, not paying much attention to anything remotely mind engaging. 
My mother was a maniac- depressive and I have fought it all my life not so much maniac as just depressed.

My health is what it is just a struggle each day in and out of hospital emergency rooms and observations and stays etc. My family dramas with daughters and grandsons has left me shaking my head with the thought in my head “what is this world coming to?” 
 My saintly big bear of a husband is detoriating physically and mentally seems more each day, new meds started so I hope and pray it staves off the perils of the big A. a while longer. He has been saying he wants to die and be with his mother and sister but doesn’t know how I will take care of myself with out him. Then he has days that he is up and clear thinking  and the cycle just goes on.

I have evaluated my writing, poetry (ugh) and my stories, tried to finish something but to no avail. So I have come to the conclusion that I will never write a great novel ( not that ,that is why I wrote) that has never been my goal, I just felt the need to write and express myself yet after a while felt I was torturing you my wonderful WP friends with my hyperbole of nonsense and decided to ease your pain and not inflict any further pain. So for awhile I have given up writing. Will I ever pick it up again  hmmm good question maybe, maybe not either way I am beginning to feel creative urges again and as soon as I get a biopsy result back  I will reevaluate my urge and see what comes up. 
In the meantime I wish to thank you all for checking on me and showing your love and support I appreciate each of you. Love you and God Bless.

Things You Should Know About Introverts

Found this on the Face Book and boy does this fit me top a “T”

Things You Should Know About Introverts

From MeetTheIntroverts.com

1) We need to recharge alone.
This right here is the cusp of the entire introvert v. extrovert debate (if there is one, anyway) – Introverts need to be alone to recharge. We tend to get completely worn out by socializing. This is basically what it means to be an introvert.

2) We don’t hate being around people, but we probably hate crowds.
I love being with people, but if you drop me into a large crowd I instantly feel like I’m alone and invisible. I try to avoid situations where I feel that way, so I may decline your open invitation to some random event. It doesn’t mean I don’t like to be around you, it just means I like to have more control over my surroundings.

3) We don’t mind silence.
I can sit beside you in silence and not think we are having a bad time. This is especially true on road trips and can be a little confounding to true extroverts. For this reason, I especially like going to the movies where it is already considered rude to chat. Rule #1 for dealing with introverts – Don’t tell me I’m “too quiet.” I hate that. Sorry I’m making you uncomfortable, but you really don’t get to decide how much I have to talk.

4) Just because we are introverted doesn’t mean we are shy.
Introvert and shy are actually two different things. Google it! In my case, I’m a shy introvert (the double whammy!).

5) We can turn on an extroverted personality when necessary, but it is especially draining.
See #1 and #2. I have no problem getting up in front of a group of people and giving a talk. I don’t even get nervous by a question and answer period. But – here is the thing – I will need major recharge time afterwards and I won’t be able to keep up this extroverted illusion all day. I can turn it on to dazzle a crowd, but if you take me out for lunch afterwards, I’ll probably just listen to you talk. I am an excellent listener.

6) We aren’t judging you.
See #3. Did I get quiet? Do I have a mean look on my face? I’m not judging you; I’m just wrapped up in my thoughts with my bitchy-resting-face on. I might have even forgotten you were there. Sorry, just poke me. I didn’t do it on purpose.

7) We secretly love it when you cancel plans.
I like being with you, but finding out I suddenly don’t need to be “on” and it wasn’t actually me that backed out? – priceless! Don’t worry if you have to cancel, I’m probably thrilled to be able to stay in my pajamas.

8) We can get very wrapped up in our own thoughts.
My inner monologue is epic. When you have a strong monologue constantly running in the background, it is pretty easy to settle-in and listen for a while. I have to work through things in my head before I proceed, so I usually need a few minutes. When I’m ready to move forward though, I am 100% on top of it!

9) We can be pretty bad at connecting.
You know when you have had a really bad day and you just want to call up a friend and chat? Yeah, I’m bad at that. I tend to wait for extroverts to reach out and include me, so when the time comes that I need support, I can be a bit lost.

10) We don’t like to hang around.
That time after an event or meeting ends and stragglers hang around to talk – yeah, I know this is the perfect time to make more plans, connect with new people, and get involved with future projects, but I really really really hate this. I’m probably already checking my phone in my car before you have even picked up your purse. Small talk with strangers is my kryptonite.

11) We have strong opinions.
Just because I have difficultly sharing them sometimes doesn’t mean I don’t have opinions. Give me an extra minute to compose my thoughts and I will continue to push myself to speak up sooner. It is a give and take here.