536873_466593503390065_1111132083_nI am a writer sometimes poet traveling a gravel road barefooted and hungry. I was born and raised in Colorado. My grandparents raised myself and two brothers. We suffered dearly through horrific mental and sexual abuse except by our gram, she did her best to protect us and taught us that there is love in the world and we had some value. She also gave us our religious teachings which I am grateful for, can’t say for my two brothers.
Our mother returned for us when I was just turning 12 she had a new family and needed a babysitter, my brothers were just the extra baggage that had to be taken as well. Years passed and I never thought a thought of my own just let others make decisions for me , I am very lucky for some of the situations I put myself in were extremely dangerous, guess God was looking out for me. Anyway I married and divorced several times but had three beautiful daughters of which I am extremely proud.
Of the three marriages, one ended due to extreme physical and emotional abuse which is when as they say now “I pulled up my big girl panties” and got a back bone. By the guidance and blessings of the mother-in-law I had at that time, I obtained a GED (General Education Diploma), my first driver’s license at the age of 27, and a start on a college education. That ended abruptly with the divorce that took four years and a custody battle over my youngest that lasted 17 years.
I met and married my present husband in 1984, coming into it with the baggage of abandonment issues and custody battles he decided in 1987 that I was worth keeping and married me in a civil ceremony, I have since tried to nominate him for Sainthood but they say he has to do miracles and die first well the miracle is he loves me and I can’t let him die!
In 2011 tragedy struck when my first-born daughter at the age of forty-one was murdered by her significant other after eleven years together. I am to this day lost and so grief-stricken I don’t believe I will ever recover from it and it has taken all I have to forgive the man that took her life but I had to forgive him in order to be forgiven… A dear friend/poet/author/photographer encouraged me to try writing poetry. I found I CAN NOT write poetry but I can tell a short story or two and so that is what I am doing. My stories are some true, not exactly true and some just my imagination, I have no formal education in writing heck I barely speak proper English let alone write it, I do not understand punctuation or the use thereof, I can barely spell anymore and don’t remember verbs adverbs and all that . They say I suffer a form of PSTD and I suppose I do, along with all that entails.
Having said all that I would appreciate your reading and if it appeals follow, feel free to give comments but please remember I am of fragile mind (LOL) but I do take constructive critique well just don’t use the 25 cent college words 10 cent ones are all I understand! LOL Have a glorious, blessed, beautiful day. ~Len
PS: I lost my faith in mankind and the Lord when my daughter was killed and then my 33 year old daughter disappeared with her six year old son last year. She is bi-polar and borderline schizophrenic and I fear for both of them daily but I have returned on my walk with Jesus and am born again through His mercy and Grace I am able to cope.
As you read the things I write keep in mind that I am a basket case most days but always a woman of strength and introspective of life and most of all I have learned to survive, love and forgive others,
most of all I have found forgiveness of myself. God bless and keep each of you. I hope you find it in your hearts to follow my blogs and feel free to comment. ~~Len Williams Carver