How many times in my life and you in yours asked this question? Generally we say it this way: “why me lord?” I believed for the longest time that He answered with “because you deserve it.” Now I know that wasn’t really God saying that to me, more like Satan, but I believed it, I truly believed because of all my sins I didn’t deserve God’s Love or forgiveness. Why would He want me to be part of His crowd? Besides I wasn’t ready to be a “Bible thumpin, glory hallelujah person giving up friends and parties, the” worldly ways” as the Christians told it. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe there was a God, I just didn’t know Him and what I knew was just scary and not what my friends were into, why would I want to be different like that?
The more I fought with God about what I was doing, the stronger the pull to Him then the devil would get in on it reminding me that I would lose sleep on my only day off if I went to church. Eventually God gets his way with us and I went to church with a friend that had invited me several times.
The euphoria was great but I still wasn’t ready to surrender or even say I believed, but when others intervene on your behalf God starts whittling away at your stubbornness He starts convicting you when you sin, although at that time I didn’t know what it was, just didn’t feel right, I thought many times I was getting the flu or something. Then a couple of the ladies I had met at church came by and my mother was visiting well heck, between the three of them I couldn’t win, my sorry unhappy butt went to church every Sunday I refused to go Sunday night and I worked on Wednesday nights. I’m sure you know what happened I became a born again Christian on November 4th, 1981. Later on I backslid and didn’t go back to church until March 2012, Moses and the Israelites wandered forty years (Exodus 16:35, Deuteronomy 29:5) so thirty-one for me wasn’t bad at all except I had to keep repeating “why me lord” and the convictions just kept coming and I kept saying some day, not now Lord this or that is going on. I was busy trying to get through everything in my life work, kids, husband, ailing parents, grandparents to worry over no time for you god , the result was He didn’t have time for me either.
I used to think if I just prayed at home and read my Bible once in a while ( when things would get too hard) that I was having a relationship with the Lord and hey that would keep me safe right? How wrong I was, many things began to happen in my life that made me crazy and the drama and trauma of my life seemed to just be getting worse Oh “Why Me Lord?” became my mantra. Then I lost my oldest daughter and I knew there was no god, no higher being, I would stand outside with my fist pointed upward shaking screaming “I HATE YOU, YOU ARE A PHONY, YOUR NOT REAL, YOU ARE A BASTARD, A REAL GOD WOULDN’T HAVE LET THIS HAPPEN!” boy was I a mess. But you know what happened about a week later I woke up singing God’s praises and speaking in tongues (that will make no sense to some of you, Acts 2: 4-8) this gift had been denied me before but here it was and I was filled that morning with the Holy Spirit like never before and knew then a change had to come about in my whole life.
When I finally surrendered to His will I no longer cried out “why me Lord?” I began praising and thanking Him for the abundance of blessings, they just mounted and mounted to where I can barely list them all now!
I will say that I am constantly tested but with each test, trial and tribulation His presence and my faith grow stronger and stronger. So that now if I say “Why Me Lord?” it is because of the blessings I thank Him for every day. You too can have these blessings His Love, Mercy and Grace most of all Salvation! Just ask Him and pray with belief this prayer….
“Heavenly Father, have mercy on me, a sinner. I believe in you and that your word is true. I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of the living God and that he died on the cross so that I may now have forgiveness for my sins and eternal life. I know that without you in my heart my life is meaningless.
I believe in my heart that you, Lord God, raised Him from the dead. Please Jesus forgive me, for every sin I have ever committed or done in my heart, please Lord Jesus forgive me and come into my heart as my personal Lord and Savior today. I need you to be my Father and my friend.
I give you my life and ask you to take full control from this moment on; I pray this in the name of Jesus Christ.”